Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

513 replies

HattyMonkey · 21/07/2014 22:48

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

OP posts:
fanjobiscuits · 22/07/2014 07:46

From that conversation though could she have thought you were discussing a miscarriage? Which could be more justifiably traumatising for a small child.

chibi · 22/07/2014 07:48

i have just found this thread- mighty LOL at posters cool with your kids seeing you piss and shit but a tampon? now that's outrageous!

bonkers

LittleBearPad · 22/07/2014 07:56

So she has a go at the OP? Fanjo.

How lovely of her.

whois · 22/07/2014 07:58

What you said wasn't unreasonable.

My mum never did it and I remained totally liberal and normal. I just don't think my DD needs to see me dragging a tampon out of me and then sticking a new one in

+1

newsecretidentity · 22/07/2014 08:04

I'm American, and I never ever heard the word "sanpro" until I came to the UK. In the US it's "feminine hygiene" for when you get that "not-so-fresh feeling" Not kidding. But my understanding is that sanpro is an advertising term that has leached into public usage.

Not really getting where all the frothing is coming from on this thread. Kids are curious and hugely focused on bodily functions, so they are going to notice these things and want an explanation. If it's not because of seeing mum change her tampon, it will be finding the products in the cupboard or seeing an advert or the products in the shop.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/07/2014 08:12

We had the feminine hygiene aisle in supermarkets too in the UK until pretty recently, not sure what it's called now.

ElizabethMedora · 22/07/2014 08:13

Clearly I lack dexterity as I cannot imagine changing a pad/tampon/mooncup while wedged into a toilet cubicle without my DC seeing. & I don't think it matters - they are in there to witness me pee & shit, they are both girls who will presumably have periods of their own. It's a normal part of a woman's life (between certain ages obv...).

Will have to ask my mum what she did.

Pagwatch · 22/07/2014 08:19

Whilst I love an utterly batshit mn thread as much as anyone, can people stop trying to divide the world into right on, mostly naked folk who give period lessons during play dates and fusty, sex-avoiding prigs who wear Victorian bathing costumes and pretend babies are left under a gooseberry bush.

It's really not that important and whether you change your tampons in front of your child is indicative only of that - it doesn't determine your attitude to every aspect of sex education.

We walk around naked. My dd has known all about periods since she was pretty small. She has known all about her body and babies since she was small. I just have never actually changed a tampon in front of her. I never use the loo in front of anyone if I can possibly avoid it. It's not a big deal. We are not repressed.

Similarly those who chose to change in front of their children are not foisting something unnatural upon their child . It's just what our bodies do - its not a loss of innocence or such emotive twaddle.
The worst nonsense on here is the idea that either choice is going to damage our children. Most of us are able to contemplate our childhood experiences in this regard with some interest and a certain amount of detachment - we go on to confidently decide how we wish to behave in front of our children and feel happy with those choices - as everyone on here demonstrates. So we were not cowed or traumatised by whatever we experienced.
It's just a choice. Stop lumping such emotional nonsense on to it

Pumpkinpositive · 22/07/2014 08:20

Am I the only one whose sanitary protection emits a rather noxious smell when used?? Blush

I imagine an unfortunate little mite standing in the vicinity of me doing a change might very well comment on that! Hence the reason I'd rather they weren't there.

Delphiniumsblue · 22/07/2014 08:21

The moral of the story is that if you want to censor every word your PFB hears you stay at home!

ElizabethMedora · 22/07/2014 08:22

Sanpro isn't a MN term. My mum always used it & she is in her 60s.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 22/07/2014 08:24

I use washable pads and we have the worlds most stupidly useless door lock along with nosy DC's so they have seen all sorts. It's just a bodily function, nothing special, nothing mysterious or disgusting. The older 2 (boy and girl) remain untraumatised as yet, I'll get back to you about the youngest.
YANBU, the other woman overreacted a little but maybe she had started to have loud questions thrown at her by her child and was struggling to answer them herself.

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/07/2014 08:24

If I'm being entirely honest,I wouldn't like to overhear other people's explanations of periods in a public toilet, when with my dc's.It's something I would rather save for in private, and talked about in a way appropriate to my individual child.
If you are in public having such discussions, I, for one, would appreciate discretion.

Having said that, I wouldn't tell anyone off, and in this instance the op's dd was doing the talking, and she was providing a discreet answer!

Delphiniumsblue · 22/07/2014 08:28

They hardly had what would count as a discussion! You can hear far worse in public toilets!

ICanHearYou · 22/07/2014 08:28

So it is an advertising term you can just tell can't you, nobody would feel the need to whack two perfectly usable words together to make one 'new' one unless they were trying to sell you shit.

It has no place in daily conversation. Leave the awful txtspk to the advertisers, where it belongs.

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/07/2014 08:31

I said that Delphinium.This instance wasn't a discussion, but the debate has broadened.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 22/07/2014 08:32

Thatbloodywoman oh yes ideally it's definitely a conversation for the home but they won't let you when they get started will they? Mine had a knack of getting louder and louder until they got a satisfactory answer!
I still shudder at the time DS asked me what a vagina was for in the park aged around 5 or 6, he would not take 'we'll talk about it at home' at all... Grin

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/07/2014 08:34

And tbh I haven't heard anything 'worse' in a public toilet in the day time.
Normally just people discussing shopping,where the hand towels are etc!

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/07/2014 08:35

Oh yes, I do understand that Idont Grin

stooshe · 22/07/2014 08:41

I really can't remember seeing any grown woman changing her sanitary products as a child. None. My daughter hasn't seen me, either. Is this a new attachment parenting thing? Or a fake story? Or do people really go on the road without being prepared for their monthly heavy periods (ie the right towels and tampons)?
It must be my age.

EBearhug · 22/07/2014 08:44

I wouldn't like to overhear other people's explanations of periods in a public toilet

I don't think I would either, if only because I don't want to hear other people in the loos at all. (That particularly includes you, woman using her mobile phone in the cubicles at work.) But if I did hear it, I'd be sympathising with the mother, who, however open she may be with her own children, probably wouldn't choose to broadcast it round a public loo. I'd also be wondering if they were on MN and if there'd be a thread later.

I grew up seeing my mother changing her tampons. I also grew up with the refrain, "Can't I ever have just 5 minutes peace to myself!" so I think it wasn't a choice so much as the consequence of having no lock on the loo door.

Chunderella · 22/07/2014 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlumpPartridge · 22/07/2014 08:47

My Ds1 always gets brought into the cubicle with me as I'm worried he would run off/get scared. He is 3. He hass seen me change pads/tampons and never appeared to be traumatised. He has said 'Look Mummy, poo.' I've told him it's blood and that mummies have it sometimes and not to worry. He seems fine.

Op, you did nothing wrong.

Also, my mum tolde nothing about periods and so the onset of mine was quite a shock Hmm

Sallystyle · 22/07/2014 09:02

Meh.

My kids have seen me change pads and mooncups

It's really not a big deal. I wouldn't invite them on purpose to see it but if I still had a toddler who needed to come into the public toilets with me it would not cross my mind to not change around them.

It's just blood.

I have no locks on my doors, sometimes the younger ones walk in to talk to me. I have no problem with it.

I understand that for some it is out of their comfort zone but it's just a personal thing. No child has been harmed for seeing a bit of blood on a tampon I'm sure.

Original poster
HattyMonkey · 22/07/2014 09:02

Coffeetea it did happen and it it happened to me. I realise we all parent differently but wasn't asking at what age I should answer my dc's questions it was the setting that I needed an opinion on but thanks anyway for your contribution.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread