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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH has been invited to a wedding without me

426 replies

Homealoneagain · 21/07/2014 18:53

DH says it's normal these days not to always invite partners. We are in our late forties , been married 20 years. His younger female colleague has invited him to her wedding.

AIBU to feel I should be invited, given I am is wife AND the wedding involves a weekend away overseas and therefore some expense? I don't know her well, she is a colleague of his, but still ?
It may be to keep numbers and costs down, in which case why have the celebration overseas ?!

OP posts:
YouGeorgeBernardMate · 21/07/2014 20:34

I get you, MissBattleaxe, but The wedding meal and any hall/hotel ballroom or whatever doesn't have finite spaces. The B&G pay for that, maybe they just can't run to inviting spouses and DPs of colleagues?

Bowlersarm · 21/07/2014 20:36

Because a wedding is celebrating marriage, Piper. Relationships.

LightastheBreeze · 21/07/2014 20:36

YANBU. I am in my 50s and would not expect my DH to go to a wedding abroad without me. It costs a considerable amount and it would be a holiday we wouldn't be able to have together. We often go out separately with work colleagues so we are not joined at the hip but this is different and very inconsiderate of the bride.

PiperRose · 21/07/2014 20:38

BowlersArm So are you saying single people shouldn't be invited to weddings?

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/07/2014 20:39

No a wedding is to celebrate a wedding.

Does that mean single people can't go to weddings

usualsuspectt · 21/07/2014 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm · 21/07/2014 20:40

No of course not Piper. That would be silly.

But if you want to invite someone and they are married or have a long standing partner, I think it's exceptionally rude not to invite that partner.

PiperRose · 21/07/2014 20:40

Hey ICanSeeTheSun Jinx! Grin

PiperRose · 21/07/2014 20:42

I think it's exceptionally rude to expect an invite?

Lala83 · 21/07/2014 20:42

As bowlersarm so eloquently put it, how can someone on the one hand go to the trouble of getting married and on the other be so dismissive of their guests' spouses? I think option 2 is correct, but it's selfish and rude.this isn't a work knees up, it's a wedding. It's not like not inviting children at weddings, it's like not inviting Christians or children at christenings!

PhaedraIsMyName · 21/07/2014 20:43

I don't see what your problem is. Don't really see why you should assume you automatically should be invited when you don't know the bride.

And if your husband wants to go and he can afford it it's none of your business either.

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 21/07/2014 20:43

I'm with Bowlers, and that's why I find it rude. And a weekend away is a fairly big deal - we've both done it (at least once a year) so it's not about being joined at the hip, more about priorities.

If it's not an age thing, maybe it's to do with attitudes to marriage?

itsbetterthanabox · 21/07/2014 20:44

I started a thread a year ago about the exact same thing and got told I am a controlling bitch.
Good to know mnetters only take your relationship seriously if you are in your 40's.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/07/2014 20:44

I would be furious if a family member didn't invite DH to a wedding, but a friend/co-worker then no.

My friend is getting married next year, DH is not invited as she doesn't know him ( met a few times)

MBT1987 · 21/07/2014 20:44

They wanted an overseas wedding, they invited guests, the bride couldn't pick you out of a crowd, she chose to only invite who she knew to share her wedding.

I see no real issue here. As you were.

Original poster
Homealoneagain · 21/07/2014 20:44

Well it is a group of colleagues going, several without partners, I believe. And some of you say it is becoming more the norm, possibly to reduce costs , so I'll go with that.
When I got married we wouldn't invite anyone without their partner ,if appropriate, even though some were not even 'long term' partners.

OP posts:
Picklepest · 21/07/2014 20:45

Weird. Can she not fill the numbers by (novel idea) actual friends and family of hers, his or theirs...?!

Tbh are you sure (I'm sorry but it's bothering me) he's not going with her? Double life....?

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/07/2014 20:45

How about stags/hen weekends.

PiperRose · 21/07/2014 20:45

Phaedra this, this, this.

PhaedraIsMyName · 21/07/2014 20:46

No I wouldn't want my DH invited as an 'individual' to a wedding, George. In that social setting I'd expect to be invited as part of a long standing relationship

Why? That seems exceptionally rude to me.

wowfudge · 21/07/2014 20:46

I think Bowlersarm makes a good and valid point.

There was a pp earlier in the thread who suggested the OP's DH had been invited in the expectation he would turn down the invitation. Now that is bonkers: how the hell do you divine that from the invitation? Surely it would be better to just tell colleagues that if the wedding weren't abroad you would have invited them along or just not invite them and say nothing. Unless you have a particular friend at work, I don't think anyone expects to go to a colleague's wedding.

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 21/07/2014 20:47

Phaedra "it's none of your business* Hmm

Ah but I happen to think that as we are a unit, it is. It would be disrespectful and unloving of him not to consider my views and feelings, and not to consult me before making a decision.

I wouldn't mind him going to the wedding if money wasn't an issue, and it wasn't a busy time of year for us. But I would still think she was rude.

Bearbehind · 21/07/2014 20:48

It depends who is paying for it IMO.

If the bride and groom are footing the bill for accommodation for all the guests then it's reasonable to expect colleagues (who's partners they've probably never met) to bunk up together to save costs.

If the guests are paying their own way then it is just weird.

rowna · 21/07/2014 20:48

I think it's quite normal to have a gaggle from your work without their partners and dc, just as a group. Goodness if you work with 10 people that could be another 50 just like that - 40 of whom you'd never met.

PiperRose · 21/07/2014 20:48

Things I have learned from this thread.

  1. If my DP chooses to go to a colleagues event without me he is having an affair.
  1. If I ever become single again I must be amazed to get a wedding invite and if I go I must sit in the corner wringing my hands because Unlike EVERYONE else attending I have no relationship to celebrate.