To be annoyed that DH has been invited to a wedding without me

[Homealoneagain]

DH says it's normal these days not to always invite partners. We are in our late forties , been married 20 years. His younger female colleague has invited him to her wedding.

AIBU to feel I should be invited, given I am is wife AND the wedding involves a weekend away overseas and therefore some expense? I don't know her well, she is a colleague of his, but still ?
It may be to keep numbers and costs down, in which case why have the celebration overseas ?!

You'd "kick off big time"? Honestly?

In what form would this "kicking off" take?

I've gotta ask this again because noone's answering.

Why? Why expect DH to decline? Why kick off if he doesn't decline (on the assumption that it's not a personal snub to the wife from the B&G and that money's not an issue)?

Have you no lives of your own? Can your DH's not be trusted, not be allowed any independence?

Why, why, why?

Yes, GeorgeBernard, why? Why? Why?

I think it makes lots of sense. You invite either 20 people you know without partners or 10 you know plus their partners who you barely know.

YouGeorge it wouldn't bother me so much if we ha the money. But the other thing that would matter is that it would take away precious family time. It's hard enough fitting in seeing the people we do want to see, plus making time to do things just as a unit, have downtime as well as fun time. I wouldn't want to give that up for just anyone.

Flipflops, I think the several questions asking "have you seen the invitation" very much indicates that some people don't believe that the invitation exists, ergo that he must be making it up and spending the weekend somewhere other than at a wedding that isn't happening.

at piperrose.

Personally I took the "have you seen the invitation" to mean "surely there's a mistake, no-one could be so breathtakingly rude".

I can't believe I'm going to say this but is this any different from people automatically expecting their children to be invited?

I'd be delighted DH had a lonely invite, just as I'd be delighted to be invited to one without him. Neither of us could give a hoot, no matter where the wedding. Surely the B&G can invite who they like?

I can't understand the fuss, to be honest. I'd hate to pay to go abroad for a wedding of someone I didn't know, plus frock etc.

Yanbu. This sounds fishy to me.

Yanbu

You invite friend plus partner. Although we did invite partners to the evening only as couldn't afford to cater for both partners. This was for partners we didn't consider friends. So maybe yabu.

"I took the "have you seen the invitation" to mean "surely there's a mistake,"

Choos, good point. I hadn't thought of it that way.

I'm still not convinced that's what everyone who asked meant however!

Piper possibly not for younger generation? For mine (in my forties) it's definitely rude. Evening thing solo - fine. Weekend abroad - no way.

YouGeorge, yes, it is a possibility, it just didn't occur to me.

I am even less tolerant - wouldn't ask for the invitation, I would just expect an outright refusal from DH.

I'm in my forties.

I'm old and I don't have a problem with it!

We have never been invited to a wedding without each other. Our friends/colleagues wouldnt be so thoughtless.

i wouldn't go to one by myself, and DH would hate the idea.

Why should you go and celebrate someone's marriage who treats you like a single person and is dismissive of your own marriage?

I think it sucks. If you can't afford to invite more than one half of a couple, then don't invite either of them.

Completely out of order. Social etiquette is going right down the drain these days.

YAdefoNBU!

I would have a low opinion of the bride and their hospitality.

I'm really struggling to believe what I'm reading here. Do you people really not go to events without your DP's?

Personally I think expecting someone to pay for you to attend their special day when you hardly know them just because you happen to be in a relationship with a friend of theirs is rude.

YouGeorgeBernard- I don't think this is a feminist issue about a wife is so co dependetn that she can't attend a wedding alone or vice versa.

I just think it's odd because its abroad and the expectation is that the invited guest will use some of his family holiday budget for a solo jolly.

I don't think OP's DH is having ana affair, but I think the bride isn't being thoughtful and is being a bit MeMeMe expecting colleagues to fork out just for her.

Also, I might understand OP not being invited if it were a cost issue, but weddings abroad are usually paid for by the guest so that wouldn't be an issue.

treating you "like a single person", bowlersarm, or treating you as an individual?

It's a wedding, Piper, not just any old colleagues leaving do, or birthday drinks.

I must be in the small number who wouldn't have an issue with it unless we couldn't afford it.

Give me an excuse to have friends around and have a few bottles of wine, take away and a catch up.

BowlersArm Why is a wedding different?

No I wouldn't want my DH invited as an 'individual' to a wedding, George. In that social setting I'd expect to be invited as part of a long standing relationship.