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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take child home early?

297 replies

Boreoff · 21/07/2014 18:25

Today is hot, my 5 year old had an all day trip to the local park and I also went along to help.

4 hours in, after lunch I had to leave and my dc wanted to come with me as dc was very hot (covered in sweat) I asked the teacher and she was very rude to me and not happy that we were leaving early and made this very clear infront of my dc.

I had to leave and took my dc with me as dc would have become upset as she was so hot a bothered.

AIBU to have taken her home with me?

OP posts:
NickiFury · 21/07/2014 23:55

"Particularly as you have upset the teacher"

I bet you're shivering in your shoes aren't you OP? Smile

Picklepest · 21/07/2014 23:56

Well I'm mostly with quipfree.

Easy thread!

Original poster
Boreoff · 21/07/2014 23:57

Terrified! It's not Ok for her to be rude because she is a teacher!

OP posts:
Original poster
Boreoff · 21/07/2014 23:59

Lownath- agreed, it's not good.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 22/07/2014 00:00

We once had a school trip to a very famous local gardens. It was not well thought through by the rather junior teacher and a bunch of six year olds were left in the heat with totally inadequate water and were rather hot and bothered.

I could have just buggered off with my child and left the teacher to it but stayed and collected all the childrens empty water bottles and walked quite some way myself to get them filled up with drinking water and arranged games in the shade of the trees.

It seemed the most sensible thing to do.

But sure you can sugar off with your own child to make sure they're alright. Can't imagine the teacher will be keen to use you as a "helper" again but then maybe that was your aim?

Original poster
Boreoff · 22/07/2014 00:07

How long did you stay at the garden centre?

OP posts:
Original poster
Boreoff · 22/07/2014 00:07

Sorry gardens?

OP posts:
LapsedPacifist · 22/07/2014 00:25

Measured and sensible post from Bettercallsaul1.

But I'm with Quipfree on this. And I can't help noticing how many parents of children with ASD agree. I went along as a 'helper mum' on countless school trips (pre CRB check days) and would have done the same as the OP if my DS was unwell and distressed.

There has been a huge cultural shift over the past 15 years. When EXACTLY were we brainwashed into believing our children must become the property of the state in order to access an education? Why do we tolerate being criminalised and fined for taking our children to family events in term time? Whay are we subjected to threatening letters when our children are kept at home because they are genuinely ill? Why are parents no longer trusted to make the best decisions about what our children should eat during the school day? Our kids are not ALL obese and diabetic, but they are treated as if they were!

We have a Conservative government FFS - supposedly the antithesis and arch-enemy of the Nanny State! And I speak as a die-hard old Socialist.

brdgrl · 22/07/2014 00:29

Lapsed, I am also an old-fashioned lefty, and I agree with every word of your post. Never thought I'd be be using the phrase "nanny state"...

brdgrl · 22/07/2014 00:31

But I think it is about controlling the hearts and minds of the population, and convincing them not to trust their common sense. Sooo...not totally out of character for the Conservatives.

ravenAK · 22/07/2014 01:03

Tbh, I imagine the teacher was quite busy headcounting umpty 5yos, regarded it as a minor, unnecessary PITA that one mum decided to whisk their child off ('bugger, I've spent all day remembering to take 32 kids back to school...now it's 31...31...31') & was accordingly preoccupied with the other children rather than intentionally rude to OP.

It is a bit awkward if a parent does a random thing that messes with your numbers. I've had parents of kids on trips request that their child is met at a service station on the motorway by an auntie who'll then have them for the weekend, or be despatched home via a specific minicab firm because the parent CBA to pick up.

Obviously, taking a sweaty 5yo home might be sensible when you are in Parent Mode; but having one of the party you are responsible for bugger off with its mum is an additional thing to think about when in Teacher Mode.

I'd probably have a) thought you were being a bit precious & b) been too busy to fuss over your departure - you've decided to take your dc home with you, noted, off you trot then.

Highly amused at the suggestion that you could reasonably complain because you didn't like the teacher's manner...

Aeroflotgirl · 22/07/2014 01:05

Your ds us only 5, if he was starting to feel unwell, I would inform staff and take him home.

itsbetterthanabox · 22/07/2014 01:12

It's not school it's the park. If they were missing some actual learning I'd say she should have stayed but playing at the park doesn't need to be compulsory.
Those saying the op chose state schooling so therefore has to suck up anything they throw at her that is a very classist pov. You can only home ed it choose other types of schooling if you have financial freedom. Most people therefore can't. I think we should be able to tell schools when they are being silly and not let them rule our lives.

ravenAK · 22/07/2014 01:32

But from the teacher's POV, if it's a school day, she has to take x number of kids out & bring x number back. Or be very sure where any discrepancy in those numbers has occurred.

If one of those 5yos wandered off & came to harm, we'd all agree that was an appalling thing to happen, I'm sure.

So teaching staff are usually extremely vigilant - I've recently had 90 12yos for a weekend & didn't stop twitching for a good 24 hours after - it's a big, scary responsibility. They just can't be all 'oh it's just playing at the park! Couldn't matter less!'

It's not unreasonable for a teacher who is responsible for a group of children to be slightly phased by a parent deciding to remove their child early.

The teacher doesn't seem to have tried to prevent the OP going for an unauthorised absence, but I'm not at all surprised she was a bit curt about it.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 22/07/2014 01:33

As much as I feel for the teacher concerned ... I agree with Lapsed.

When did we agree to this erosion of parental responsibility and the belief that government mandates are more 'right' than individual parents. And when did teachers turn upon parents, and parents against teachers, rather than addressing the issues with the system itself?

Lord I'm dreading school come September.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/07/2014 01:36

I'm with quip on this one. And under the same circumstances I would have done the same thing, because I'm actually in charge of decisions relating to my children that means I get to decide.

Granted I don't have kids in state schools but if I felt a child of mine needed to be home instead of school then home they would be and I wouldn't ask I would tell.

Downamongtherednecks · 22/07/2014 02:24

I actively DON'T trust teachers - not because I am a teacher-basher but because I think they have been conditioned to act according to the "rules", and not to look at the nuances of a situation. This may be a failing in the system, but a glance through MN would give you a fair indication of the mindless rule-following in schools which is to the active detriment of individual children.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/07/2014 05:33

checkpointcharlie
Yes. If I decide it's too hot for my child I would collect him from your playground.
And it will be ok.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/07/2014 05:38

And I think it shows bad planning to have them all out for so long in the middle of the day.

Roundedbuttocks90 · 22/07/2014 05:57

Do you always give in to your children's demands?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/07/2014 06:11

doyou always give in to your child's demands?
Good grief! Are we at that stage now?
Demands?
A five year gets taken home from a picnic because she's hot and tearful

Good call by the mum?
Oh no! Precious, over protective rebellious behaviour pandering to the stroppy demands of a child who needs to learn to toe the line lest her education and, indeed, the fabric of society, should crumble around her.

FFS!

It was a day at the park.
It's the end of term. The enti last month week is filled with shortened days, altered, inconvenient timings and fun activities. Nobody is missing calculus this week.

Alpacacino · 22/07/2014 06:29

It's peculiar how AIBU threads take on a life of themselves after a while.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/07/2014 06:42

What, with people giving their opinions on a public fourm?

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/07/2014 07:03

Demands? Really?

This wasn't a bag of sweets or a mobile phone Confused

Ffs they are our children and wherever they are whenever they are there, that doesn't change.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/07/2014 07:06

Yy giles