to take child home early?

[Boreoff]

Today is hot, my 5 year old had an all day trip to the local park and I also went along to help.

4 hours in, after lunch I had to leave and my dc wanted to come with me as dc was very hot (covered in sweat) I asked the teacher and she was very rude to me and not happy that we were leaving early and made this very clear infront of my dc.

I had to leave and took my dc with me as dc would have become upset as she was so hot a bothered.

AIBU to have taken her home with me?

YABU. It was only a bit of heat FFS. When we lived in Western Australia for a year when DD was 5, the temperature could get up to 40 degrees and they still stayed in school. (DD was fine and we're from the South Island in NZ)

I agree with Kew.
YABU.

If you agree to come along as a helper, you should be thinking of wider needs than your own child. I was never allowed to help in my ds's class.

You say that parents were coming and going. Did anyone else take their dc home early?

You are well within your rights to take your dc home/ not send them to school. I'm not surprised the teacher was annoyed.

I'm not sure I want to find out what neglectful school of parenting views tending to a distressed child's needs, as giving into demands

AYBU? That depends.
Was there shade? Yes
Was your child wearing suitable clothing, sun hat and sun screen? No idea but that was up to you
Did your child (and all thr others) have access to enough water? No idea but probably up to you amd the teacher.
Did they have the option to sit in the shade and make daisy chains when they needed a cooler?

If yes to all the above then YWBU.

Other than that, presumably the children met at school at the start of the day and were heading back to school for pick up, since parents didn't have to be there? Presumably parents weren't dropping them at the park from 9 til 3? In which case they can't have planned to be at the park for more than 5 hours? In which case it probably seemed a bit unnecessary if you were takong your child home with only an hour to go.

RavenAK is right to remind us of the teacher's point of view - there really are two legitimate viewpoints here. Of course parents have these main responsibility over what happens to their children -and therefore have most "rights" in any situation - but other agencies in society also have a legitimate responsibility for children's welfare too. Teachers, childminders, doctors, health visitors and social workers are all vested with responsibilitiy for looking after other people's children to ensure they are brought up safely, looked after appropriately and are properly educated. This is a good thing and exists for the benefit of the child. Parents do not have absolute rights over their children and quite rightly so as not all parents are perfect and some are not even adequate.

In this situation, it was a school day - even if spent outside school - and the teacher had legitimate responsibility for her class of youngsters. The OP was not there as an individual parent to her child bit as a support to the teacher who was in charge of the whole group. Half way through the day, the OP switches roles and decides to exercise her parental rights over her individual child, dropping her role as teacher's assistant, without seeking the agreement or approval of the adult who had been in charge of her daughter and would have continued to be if the parent had not accompanied the trip. The teacher, who did not agree with the parent on the urgency of the situation -which was the only justification for the parent taking control - was clearly miffed and probably felt that her authority had been undermined. The teacher may also have felt that sudden "special treatment" for one child, who happened to have a parent with her, would make her job of looking after the other chiodren more difficult as obviously they could not all go home.

However, it is important to remember that the teacher did not try to stop the parent leaving with her child - she simply did not cheerfully endorse it as the OP obviously wanted. The OP wanted to do what she wanted and feel good about it but where there is a clash of rights/opinions, this is often just not possible!

This is one of these situations that may seem very trivial but arouses strong feelings as it taps into our basic beliefs on who has the right to make decisions affecting our children.

Boreoff we were there for the school day - why?

I'm sorry if this has been said already, but I think it was divisive. What if child b was equally hot and bothered but her mother was working and couldn't attend the trip and remove her?

I totally understand why a ct in charge of 30-odd kids would not want to upset the dynamic by explaining that child a could go home but not child b.

I'm sorry if this has been said already, but I think it was divisive. What if child b was equally hot and bothered but her mother was working and couldn't attend the trip and remove her?

Aren't schools worse for that than op?

Child A gets upset at loosing a race so no ones allowed to be happy they won.

Child A's mum can't teach her kid to play ball nicely So B can't bring his in.

Child A has a shit lunch so child B C&D can't have a treat in theirs.

You can't blame the parent of one child for acting in the interests of her kid just because this teacher didn't make adequate provisions for the others.

I can't believe people are still thinking that the OP was there as a teacher's help, she has said many times, the parents were invited along, but were not expected to act as helpers as there were other 'official' helpers. Other parents came & went through the day, so the OP was not obliged to stay & help.

I think in this situation YANBU. My DD hates the heat, she gets headaches and starts to feel ill after a very short while. I always send her in with plenty of water and a sun hat, sometimes the way the school day is organised means that the children get sent out into the playground without going via their cloakrooms where their hats are. One hour in the midday sun with no hat means my DD is ill on the sofa for the rest of the evening. For other children it may not be an issue, we are all different in our tolerance to heat. So sometimes schools don't remember that children need their sun hats, sometimes they forget to let them fill up their water bottles. If I was there and saw that happening I would absolutely step in and comment, and if my DD was at past the point where sitting in the shade and drinking some water was going to make a difference, then yes I would have taken her home. If the school don't like it they should not let them get into that state whilst they are in their care.

raven and Bettercall are talking much sense here. And I still say much hangs on the OP's interpretation of rudeness - many of you are saying she was unprofessional with no clear idea of what actually happened. OP has said she was 'sarcastic' - well, we all know how tone can be (mis)interpreted by different people sometimes (particularly if the OP felt a bit defensive) - and that she didn't say a proper goodbye to the OP's child - again, she had 30ish other little people to watch and couldn't give one, who was now in the care of a parent, individual attention. On the basis of this some of you are recommending complaining to the teacher's line manager! Unbelievable!
OP has not said that the teacher tried to stop her, or even told her not to go, or even threatened unauthorised absence. OP just felt a bit offended that the teacher appeared to disagree with her judgement of the best course of action. Appeared. By an 'attitude' which could have been misinterpreted and which we have not been given a description of in case it outs the OP.
OP - if your child was ill, or becoming so, taking her home YWNBU. If she was just a bit whingey because you were going and she fancied coming YWBU. YWBU to go knowing you were going to leave early as it was fairly predictable that a 5 year old would want to leave with her mother. YABU to go on and on about the teacher's 'rudeness' without being more specific.

I don' t mean that the OP was there officially to support the teacher . But as a parent who chose to attend a school event, she was not there to parent her own individual child (as she would do at home) but to participate in a school event that the teacher wad in charge of. She challenged the legitimate authority of the teacher when she removed her child without the teacher's consent and agreement about the situation. None of us can possibly know the exact state the child was in and therefore how justified the OP was. I am just stressing that there are two sides to this.

Yabu to be miffed that the teacher was not pleased about you taking your child. As others have said it makes the job of teacher much more difficult as other kids will want to know why boreoffjr is allowed to leave but they have to stay. You also have no idea what else was planned for the afternoon and have admitted that there was adequate shade etc so you are being a bit precious about it.

That said you are her parent and have the right to do as you see fit. However, I would be interested in knowing exactly what you said to the teacher in front of your dd to have provoked your rude response - although I have my suspicions that she wasn't so much rude as not all singing and dancing happy towards you removing your child in the middle of the school day.

Had they been at school and on the playground would youbhave waltzed in and removed her?

Terrible idea to have a reception class outside all day in this heat, I would have done the same thing if it had been ds, hell I probably would have done the same thing if it had been dd (and she is 10).
I've also experienced first hand rude teachers who seem to think their job entitles them to some god like status and they must be obeyed at all time. Not that I'm saying this particular teacher acted like this, but it does happen and it is not a good thing.

I would not march into a classroom at 1.00pm and demand my child be removed because it is hot, because my child would be indoors in the shade. So those saying it's the same thing are a tad misguided imo.

Parents should, of course, have the absolute and final say over their childs welfare wherever they are.

Stanley the op says I also went along to help. what does that mean then??

Stanley the op says I also went along to help. confused what does that mean then??

if she went to help then the teacher may have counted her within the ratios - in which case ywbvu to just leave - you potentially put every other child in danger. and as for OP saying there were enough adults - does she know the ratio's for kids that age?

If the op was helping rather than helicoptering her own DC, she was unreasonable.

It was a casual thing to join the children as a treat for the end of the year. They had plenty of staff.

Other parents were coming and going btw they didn't stay the whole time

That is how the OP later explained the situation. So she was not helping in an official capacity, they had other staff, and other parents. There was no issue with child/staff ratios.

Re. my post at 00.25:, I saw this quote in an article by Frank Furedi in today's Independent:

If the experience of the past 15 years is anything to go by, political intervention in child rearing is likely to become more prescriptive and intrusive.

It is ironic that inclusivity has been the mantra for state schools for the past couple of decades, because many parents of children with SEN or additional needs (and their teachers!) know how miserable the consequences of 'one size fits all' policies can be for their children.

Primary school sports days were hell for DS, who has Aspergers and suffers from severe hayfever. Sitting on grass a playing field in blazing sunshine with no shade all day = disaster. His hayfever became so bad one sports day I had to take him to A&E because his eyes swelled up so much he couldn't open them and was effectively blind. He used to get badly sunburnt and dehydrated too without fail because he couldn't be trusted to re-apply his sunscreen or monitor his own fluid intake. And that's without taking into consideration his total lack of understanding of competitive games full stop.

So eventually I just kept him off school each sports day. Rang in sick every year without fail. Did the school know why? Of course they did. Did they care? Did they hell. They knew exactly what the score was and were grateful not to have to deal with a distressed high-maintenance child all day.

Child A gets upset at loosing a race so no ones allowed to be happy they won.

Child A's mum can't teach her kid to play ball nicely So B can't bring his in.

Child A has a shit lunch so child B C&D can't have a treat in theirs.

giles, do you actually have experience of these decisions being taken in a real school?

Yes actually.

The sports day at dds school was set up so half of ot wasbt actual races and they just did activities. And when they do the races as soon as they are finished everyone is just given a number 1-6 (they run six at a time) so they just say they finished 4th 5th etc and winners of individual races aren't told and they just announce what house won points wise (again no individuals named)

I spent 8 years in a school where if a kid messed about with a toy and someone got hurt then you'd just be told the next day that you weren't allowed yours any more and then end of week assembly they would announce it all banned.

And lunch box police threads are alwYs on MN where people have their stuff taken away.

Surely in your first scenario, if a child gets a card with a 1 on it, they would know they'd come first? Or have I misunderstood you there?

And the toy thing - would this be toys they aren't meant to bring in anyway?

I've never known a child to have food taken out of their lunchbox by a adult but I have seen people on MN say it has happened. But, though wrong IMO, wouldn't this be because of a healthy lunch policy, rather than because another child has a "shit lunch"?

She challenged the legitimate authority of the teacher when she removed her child without the teacher's consent and agreement about the situation.
No. The teacher has no legitimate authority to prevent a parent, barring a court order, from removing a child from the classroom or from a school activity. None whatsoever.
The parent does not, as you suggest, surrender parental authority to the teacher. That is simply not the case, no matter what some posters (and apparently some teachers?) seem to believe.

But these things would never have come about if it was to down to a minority of parents Incapavle of dealing with their own child with regards to situations that instigated a blanket policy wrapped up in another name so as not to "offend or single out" (NOT including children with AN here)

It just seems that it's always about everyone else and never about one child. One child who maybe just once needed something different to someone else but because she's NT shes expected to suck it up and suffer so as to not make an ADULT have to explain something and tbh of the adult was 100% in te right here then there would be no worry about explaining anything

Tiles you are conflating issues - it is a bad idea, when a class teacher has 30 kids on an outing, to start making exceptions for certain kids. It is nothing to do with non competitive sports days.

Her job could potentially be made much more difficult by the decision of one woman taking her child home early, with other kids whingeing and possibly crying. It could change the whole tenor of the outing.