Hi, well I am having a few wobbles this morning. I will admit I am a person who is quite weak in many respects and doubts myself constantly, but I've just read through this whole thread again and almost everyone has posted something that is immensely helpful to me and reassures me that I've done the right thing.
I even quoted some of your word back at him last night - not saying those words were from MN (just "I've asked other people") such as:
"If you truly loved me, you would not be trying to defend or justify something that upsets me and makes me nervous, you would be apologising and addressing your behaviour."
"Yes, you do a lot for me and go out of your way, but these are normal things that one should expect in a relationship."
He did try to justify himself again last night, explaining that the Ocado man was being inconsiderate, that all the other delivery drivers park on the grass verge to allow other traffic to get through, and that if he'd been "nice" the delivery man would say "Yeah, yeah, just a minute mate,", and keep us waiting and then I would be late for work. Maybe next time he "should just sit there and say nothing, like a wimp".
Then he said: "Well, it was my fault I suppose for bringing you over to my place and cooking you dinner. If I hadn't done that then this wouldn't have happened."
He just doesn't get it. I told him I felt sorry for the Ocado man and that I felt embarrassed and he said, "Well I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you."
I said I was worried about what the neighbours would think about someone shouting like that at 6.40am in the morning, and he said: "He (Ocado man) was way up the street and I had to speak up to be heard. Anyway, most people in the street are up by that time."
Just doesn't get it at all.
It reminds me of when we had the "co*ksucker" row a few weeks ago. I had previously confided in him that I had had a lot of counselling and treatment for anxiety and depression which was used against me in this argument.
He suggested I wanted to go back to my ex, who he is jealous of, and I said "You must be joking, it is crazy to think that," or something like that, and he replied: "Crazy? Well you are the one who has had psychiatric treatment."
Which, strangely enough did make me feel quite crazy, as I felt it was below the belt and totally uncalled for, and I felt betrayed that he would use sensitive information against me after I had trusted him enough to confide in him.
I became really angry then and said I didn't want to continue in the relationship and put the phone down on him. Which is when he rang and rang and rang me, then when I wouldn't answer, texted saying "Please, baby, I love you and I'm sorry, can I come round? I need so much to apologise"... or something like that.
I relented and when he came round to "apologise" he said that his psychiatric treatment comment was "merely a statement of fact". So he was STILL justifying and defending himself. He has not, to this day, apologised for that comment, which did enrage me to the degree that I said I would NEVER tell him anything sensitive ever again as it would be used against me as a weapon.
More to come. Just want to post this bit....