To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

I don't allow anyone to smoke on my property.

But then I have asthma.

You should have asked first. It's rude to assume.

Did you also fill your plate with 3 burgers OP? How much mayonaise, you know it is fatty don't you?
What if the children see you over-eating? Hmm

Bloody hell, with all the international stuff that happened last week -well, every week- i wish the hardest talk we had to do with our dcs was,,,... explaining why Auntie Mary smokes! Shocking indeed.

For me the bottom line is that smoking amongst other people affects not only the smoker and is generally unpleasant to anyone but the smoker herself. For this reason alone people should be extra polite and considerate to people around them. In most cases this means moving well away from other people, at least 20 metres away I would say. Forget all that nonsense about setting a bad example to children. It's unpleasant and shouldn't be inflicted on others, that's all.

but what about exhaust fumes from vehicles. They are unpleasant (dangerous/asthma inducing) so if we have to banish all smokers to not come within a 20 meter radius of non smokers, can we banish cars and busses too?

And if unpleasant is grounds for banning things.... then all people with BO are banned as of now. I can't stand the smell of sweat, especially stale sweat and clothes that aren't fresh daily. Can we ban those with body odour too to stay 20 meters away from those of us who wash and wear deo and clean clothes?

Oh and cheap perfume or after shave. People wearing this must remain 20 meters from the rest of civilisation.

Oh and I find the smell of whiskey on peoples breaths unpleasant, I find the smell of all alcohol unpleasant. I hate walking past a pub and smell that stale beer smell, so pubs and drink breath should be banned too, or the people should stay 20 meters away from those who find it unpleasant.

Can you all really not see how insane this is?

Non smokers with body odour, or cheap perfume, or cars, or a hangover, inflict unpleasant (depending on the receiver) smells to smokers. Should they all get up in arms too?

I'm amazed that so many pro smokers don't see that how ever unreasonable you think the anti smokers are, if it's their home, then it's their rules.

If someone is that offended at me asking them to smoke in the front garden plus the couple of other small requirements I have then they really don't have to accept an invite over. It's not a summons. I'm sure we would both cope.

bluebird I think we are on the same 'side' here Sorry if that makes my claiming of the charity £5 cheating, I think I misunderstood where you were coming from

don't be silly, I am sure we can rustle up a fiver for the common good. I'll PM you. And no wonder you misunderstood me, I am as clear as mud, lol.

at least you tried to answer the one everyone else (ever so conveniently) avoids - and you admit car fumes are far more dangerous to public health than ciggy smoke. That alone deserves a fiver for charity.

and at least you try to leave as small a carbon foot print (is that the correct term) as you can !!

PM on it's way.

Im a non smoker and it wouldn't occur to me to be upset over this unless you were sat right next to me/my
Dd and smoking in our faces I cant see the issue.

The bbq puts smoke in the air which isn't too sweet always if you're downwind, so I really cannot see a crafty fag set a bit away from others is a biggie.

Fair do's if they're purposefully being inconsiderate, and not moving away from children or guests with known asthma/copd.

Ok, so there's this whole 'my garden, my rules' dominance stance, but luckily I don't have friends with that sort of attitude!

Where I was coming from was that it's often the very same people driving massive gas-guzzling git panzas 4 x 4's for stupid 5 min unnecessary journeys who get a fit of the vapours if they spot someone smoking at the end of the next field

that's what gets me too. So many people are viciously intolerant of smokers fumes. Yet they drive a car. Yes, even more ironic if it's a gas guzzler (with 5000miles on the clock each year). Then you have those who are so vocal that smoking within 20 meters of them or their kids will damage their health, yet they don't blink an eye lid at car fumes. It's like getting worked up at tiny insignificant minimal risks, and totally ignoring far more dangerous ones. Or getting all pissed off at smokers polluting our air, yet failing to admit OUR bloody cars cause a 100000x more air pollution than smokers do.

I'm asthmatic and the effects of city pollution are a massive trigger for me, whereas cigarette smoke is completely tolerable.

There is a positive side to vehicles for the entire population.

There is not a positive to fags.

I find it unfair that I would be vilified for asking someone to smoke in the front garden in my own home.

I have to get in my car to pretty much everywhere. The vast majority of us will use either our own cars or public transport, because we need to get to places. Given the way most towns and cities are laid out, and the fact that most people don't get to live within walking distance of their workplace, transport is a necessity in modern life.

Smoking, however, is an indulgence, a luxury.

Of course I am not saying that we shouldn't be looking for less polluting, greener forms of transport, and we should be making public transport greener, better integrated, and more accessible. But if all tobacco vanished overnight, people would still be able to carry on living their lives - but if all forms of transport other than the totally non-polluting ones vanished overnight, most people's lives would become impossible.

How many people can say honestly they would be able to do all the things they need to do in their daily lives without transport - car/bus/train/tram? What about the lorries that bring the food to the shops - can we all manage without them?

I don't drive, nor do I have a car.

I think its unfair for them to drive their cars down my road, because I get by without a car, and their pollution can make me ill......

Don't mind me -I'm just being a silly bugger really.

I suppose the point is that our air isn't clean and sterile, so probably a person having a fag in the garden is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to protecting our, and our childrens lungs.

I suppose the point is that our air isn't clean and sterile, so probably a person having a fag in the garden is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to protecting our, and our childrens lungs

I think so, yes.

I find it unfair that I would be vilified for asking someone to smoke in the front garden in my own home.

who would vilify you for that? I think forbidding smoking completely is intolerant, or asking guests to move 20 meters from your home, or saying kids should not be able to SEE a smoker is all pretty daft, but nothing wrong with asking smokers to smoke in your garden.

can we all manage without them?

I don't think so, but how many of us even try that hard to minimise our car use? Or how many of us drive hybrids? Or how many of us do totally unnecessary school runs? Or how many of us even try to do the weekly shop with a bike? I am certainly guilty of leaving a far bigger carbon foot print than I have to (have a car, drive it FAR more than I have to, it isn't a hybrid, I would never do my shopping by bike, I make lots of short trips that I could easily walk or cycle). So why don't smokers vilify me and the rest of us who don't keep our carbon footprint/car use to a minimal? Would it be fair of them if they did? Is it fair for us to vilify them? Or shouldn't we all just try not to vilify each other? Shouldn't we just try to be tolerant of each other?

I have been described as dominant for applying my rules to my garden, I have been described as intolerant for asking smokers to leave the back garden to smoke.

Yet it is tolerant of a smoker to HAVE to smoke around non smokers?

I use my car once a week max, usually less.

But that doesn't matter. What does is that people need vehicles to live their life. To get food deliveries, emergency services, children educated, and many, many more things vehicles are used for aside from personal journeys.

And vehicles are trying to be made healthier.

But there is no benefit to fags, and I don't see anyone trying to improve the health of them.

One bad thing cannot be justified because there is another bad thing in existence. And it's ridiculous to vilify a non smoker for hating smoke because of the smell/they have asthma/are pregnant/feel sick/ have young kids/whatever reason just because they drive a car.

Quite frankly, if you can't even see your way to letting someone have a puff in the garden, then you're miserable, controlling git, and I bet your parties are shite.

"Oh is that the time? We've got an early start so...." (9.30)

You are also absolutely right about the relative danger of a whiff of outdoor second-hand smoke Vs. car exhaust. For all who doubt this - which do you think will kill you quicker - being in a small room with 3 chain smokers or being in a small room with a car exhaust piped through the window? Hint: smokers are killing themselves a lot slower than those who choose the car exhaust method .

V strange analogy.

Always amazes me,

we live on a busy road, we have these fumes every day, at the back we also had prolific smokers. Literally smoke every half hour from two or more smokers coming straight in our windows, not smoke from a garden wafting a little but smokers by our windows smoking, loads.

So we have traffic at the front, is it wrong to want my Dc to have access to fresh air at the back of the houses?

Thankfully our smokers left and the ones remaining kindly moved spot.

Yes air is polluted so why on earth think its OK to add to that pollution? I am a shameful ex smoker, I am embarrassed now when I realise the misery I inflicted on the non smokers round me .

They are trying to improve the health of them actually, hence ecigs.

Quite frankly, if you can't even see your way to letting someone have a puff in the garden, then you're miserable, controlling git, and I bet your parties are shite

I agree with this. Parties are for having fun and letting go...parties are for non smokers to try fags, cigars, hell even a joint parties are parties. In fact I take back cigar as they do smell hideous.

Quite frankly, if you can't even see your way to letting someone have a puff in the garden, then you're miserable, controlling git, and I bet your parties are shite

I agree with this. Parties are for having fun and letting go...parties are for non smokers to try fags, cigars, hell even a joint parties are parties. In fact I take back cigar as they do smell hideous.

But that doesn't matter. What does is that people need vehicles to live their life. To get food deliveries, emergency services, children educated, and many, many more things vehicles are used for aside from personal journeys.

so do you come on to mumsnet and nag or vilify the very many people, like me, (lets be honest here, like the most of us) who do drive thousands of totally unnecessary miles in our cars each year, or do you just show tolerance for that?

I can't understand being intolerant of smokers*, yet being tolerant of people who use their cars for many unnecessary journeys. Because vehicle fumes are far more deadly than tobacco fumes.

I think it's just fashionable to smoker-bash.

I say intolerant ...I don't mean asking a smoker to smoke outside, I mean the making them jump through hoops with the 20 meter rule and other silliness.

The smell of cigarette smoke makes me feel faintly nauseous - a hangover from when my mum used to smoke in the car, and it contributed to my car sickness. Her refusing to believe that her fag smoke made me sick and headache-y when I told her, and then her carrying on smoking in the car is one of my more unhappy childhood memories

same here I had to suffer loads of them, gave me headaches I hated the smell of smoke wafting upstairs first thing in the morning. My mum loved her fags though I would not have begrudged her them at all....

but i did find the only thing that helped was to start smoking

smoke smells hideous though,