To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

I love the burnt bits, crashbandicoot. I think that stems from my mum too (poor woman, getting blamed for everything). She used to make me a slice of toast each morning, under the grill, and without fail, she would get distracted and burn the first side, then watch like a hawk so the second side didn't burn, then put it burnt side down on the plate so I wouldn't notice (I did notice). That was breakfast, so I ate it - and learned to love my food 'well-fired' as the Scots call it.

Captain - perhaps you'd like to confirm to everyone that you don't drive, at all. You are therefore in no way responsible for polluting our country through your driving. Petrol fumes, as well as being harmful to health, don't exactly smell nice either.
I don't smoke, never have, and I hate the smell of cigarette smoke. But I put up with the extremely minor inconvenience and practically non-existent health impact of being in the general vicinity of a smoker, outside, extremely occasionally, with good grace.
I am a million times more bothered by petrol fumes.
NB I also occasionally go on holiday to Cornwall, which has very high levels of Radon gas. I accept that this increases the risk of lung cancer, far far more so than an occasional whiff of cigarette smoke. I have even been down into caves now and then, which increases that risk.
Don't other people do these things? I've seen an awful lot of young children both in Cornwall and in those caves.

What a charmer, sliced.

Such a thing to joke about.

Boohoo to them having to alter their habits not to poison other people.

And BooHoo to all the moaners that don't like these alleged "clouds of smoke" everywhere - guess what, it's you pillocks that created them by shovelling poor bloody smokers into tiny, exposed, limited places.....

I don't particularly enjoy walking past huge groups of smokers, but I always have the option to move to the other side of the road.

If you want Sympathy you'll find it in the dictionary - between "Shit" & "Syphilis"......

Compassion? For something you choose to do to yourself? What, what? hmm Seems a bit of an odd logic.

so you have no compassion for the morbidly obese people who can't walk, who can hardly get out of bed, who will die very soon?

you have no compassion for someone like George Best, after all he killed himself with alcohol?

or what about the 10s of 1000s of people living with severe cardiac problems because they didn't eat a healthy enough diet/take enough excercise in their lifetime, no compassion for those people either?

what about mentally unstable people who self harm, or have anorexia, or commit suicide?

or what if one of the family members of the passengers or crew of MH17 should take their own life due to their severe grief, no compassion there I assume, after all, they would make that choice themselves.

I am sorry, your logic is not just odd, it's downright nasty.

*Where is the compassion from smokers who don't even consider the fact they inflict their addiction on other people?

Where is the compassion from car drivers who don't even consider the fact their cars inflict damage on non-drivers?*

Do you post venomous messages on mumsnet about them?

I think much of this is people liking to feel superior to others

I would go further and say ALL of this is just taking the opportunity to feel superior to others. There aren't many minority groups left that can be picked on legally, so the smokers get it.

Classy, ladies, very! Keep it up!

crashbandicoot exactly what I thought - what did she do with the smoke that came off the BBQ? did she have a funnel taking it away from everyone else in the garden? did she stop traffic passing - if not what did she do with the exhaust fumes which came into her garden?

There aren't many minority groups left that can be picked on legally, so the smokers get it

Very well said, blubirdy I'm so glad it's not just me that's occurred to - and I don't even smoke any more!!

Well done too on your posts about compassion; for some reason there's a uniquely vicious and controlling attitude taken towards smokers, even now they're so heavily restricted, and sometimes it seems a bit overdone

CaptainTrollolololol - because, let's face it, how many people are really smoking for the nicotine benefits

Rather a lot of them, though they might not even realise it themselves (such is the brainwashing). There are a tremendous number of ex-smokers who still miss it, even though they got the addiction bit out of the way ages ago. What are they missing? There was a thread a while back on MN, something along the lines of 'what do you wish you could do if it wasn't disgusting or bad for you?' and about 2/3 of the posts on quite a long thread were 'I would smoke and smoke and smoke!' - why is this? What are people missing?

Smoking is a complex thing. On the one hand, it's incredibly addictive - way more addictive than it needs to be. Substances are added to smoking tobacco to make it even more addictive (e.g. ammonia which increases the absorption while being incredibly bad for you) - this is pure profit-seeking evil. Most smokers became addicted as children (I was 12) - there is no other addictive drug that has such a young average demographic (2/3 of smokers started under 18 and 200,000 11-15 year-olds start each year in the UK) - I do think smokers deserve compassion because of that, and because they are heavily addicted to a drug which the government make a shed-load of money from. How much more tax would you be willing to pay to make up the shortfall if every smoker were to quit tomorrow? (and it is a massive shortfall, even taking into account the cost of treating smoking-related diseases).

On the other hand, nicotine itself is quite similar to caffeine in lots of ways - both in terms of harms and benefits. I dunno about anybody else but I think coffee is a net good for society because it's enjoyable and increases mental alertness, even though it's not completely harmless and can cause problems for some people. We at last have a method of consuming nicotine without the harms of smoking (vaping) which you would think would be good news for everyone but oh no - vapers get masses of flack too. Why is this?

Sorry I have blathered on a bit and most of this is not directed at you, Captain, it's just general blather.

And really, someone who takes themselves away from other people to smoke, in the outdoors, is going to have no effect on your health or you DC's health at all. What are your motivations for making them feel like shit?

The smell makes me queasy - not a lasting effect on my health, but unpleasant, nonetheless.

But if they take themselves away from everyone to the other end of the garden, as the OP did, you are not going to smell it.

it makes my nose hurt. and any smoke on my clothes or hair (I have a very strong sense of smell and can smell things others cannot) will doubly irritate my nose the next day.

so anything even the slightest bit smokey including hair will need washing. I had years of dealing with other people's choices. loads of extra colds that started after being exposed to smoke.

You can't catch a cold from fag smoke this going into the twilight zone now.

of course a fag smoke does not contain germs. but it leave my sinuses feeling very sore and then a cold develops.

strangely enough I enough my own nose better than someone on the internet.

PlentyOfPubeGardens - yes, if they are far enough away, I won't be able to smell it, unless I am downwind. But if I ask the smoker to move away from me, I am picking on them, aren't I?

so anything even the slightest bit smokey including hair will need washing. I had years of dealing with other people's choices. loads of extra colds that started after being exposed to smoke.

So how the hell do you leave the house? Are you one of these people that lives in a large inflatable bubble?

I think you're taking it to the extreme here TBH...

But if I ask the smoker to move away from me, I am picking on them, aren't I?

Depends. If you're in a large open space with no reason to be stood where you are, then you'd be unreasonable not to move yourself. If they're stood next to the buffet or the only seat for miles around, then fair enough...

Smokers are responsible for the common cold now it seems!

Dear me - all these delicate flowers who catch colds and vomit over everything at the faintest whiff of smoke.

Op i hate smoking but i would never have done this! I would have been fine with you doing this.
Yanbu

If you could see me, pictish - you would not be implying that I am a delicate flower. But perhaps you'd like to explain why it is OK to say something nasty about the fact that the smell of cigarette smoke makes me nauseous (note - it doesn't make me vomit, just makes me feel sick - so I am not the main target of that barb, I know). Come to that, why is it OK to call someone a delicate flower because a nasty smell makes them sick.

If smokers don't want to be 'picked on', maybe they might try not throwing round the insults and barbs too.

If its my garden, then I choose if I want someone smoking in it or not. I wouldn't feel guilty about asking someone not too, especially if there is food around.

I hate eating with the smell of cigarette smoke around - its why I almost never choose to sit and eat outside at pubs, etc. The smell spoils my meal.

Luckily it has never been an issue for us; none of my closer friends and family smoke.

Oh and yes I do drive a car. I wouldn't want a car, mine or anyone else's for that matter, sat in my garden with fumes pumping out of it either.