To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

You control what you can when keeping your kids safe. It seems odd to me that you wouldn't bother with the things you can control just because there are a lot of things you can't

exaclty,like saying oh well we live in a war zone anyway,may as well jjust keep those loose grenedes haging about

That's not what I said. A few wisps of cigarette smoke outside presents no risk to children. Whereas on a daily basis parents willingly expose them to dangerous petrol fumes. Eg going to the shops more than needed, living closer to a main road than needed, taking them in the car to an activity. Such parents (all of us) are not actually very bothered about the risk caused by petrol fumes, so why be so bothered about the totally or practically non existent risk caused by a few wisps of tobacco smoke? It makes no sense.

If tobacco didn't stink so much I dont think i'd be bothered

same here the smell makes me feel nauseous and sick

I suppose smokers would be happy if the nons set off stink bombs every time they lit up?

"happy, I would be deeply offended and upset if I was at a party and the host started shouting at a fellow guest as described in the OP." I agree, PlentyOfPubeGardens - I think I said in my first post on here that, as the hostess hadn't told the OP that her 'rules' about smoking in the garden hadn't changed, she shouldn't have shouted at the OP. Looking back at that post, I should also have said that I don't think it is reasonable or polite to berate your guests. Exceptions will apply, of course, but in this instance, a quiet word in the OP's ear would have been the polite approach.

If someone lit up in my house, I wouldn't shout and bawl at them - I would ask them politely to go outside.

Sadly I didn't develop this backbone in time to deal with Dmum, who came to visit me in the Nurses' Home, and later on, in the Hall of Residence at University, and lit up in my room without asking - so I had to deal with the lingering smell of fag smoke in my bedroom. Mind you - given her response to me asking her not to smoke in the car, so I didn't end up nauseous and with a blinding headache, I doubt she would have gone downstairs to have her cigarette outside.

Maybe it's the visibility that makes it a bigger worry generally? You see the smoke, smell the smoke strongly, watch as it blows towards your children. It's right there in your face, a completely unnecessary pollutant (because, let's face it, how many people are really smoking for the nicotine benefits).

Or, like I've said in my other posts, it's the control. I can't control every person driving and the effects it has on us. I can control my driving. I could also control the smoking around us by moving away, asking guests not to smoke and not smoking myself.

If tobacco didn't stink so much I dont think i'd be bothered

See, all of you who've said this are basically saying you don't want me anywhere near you or your house because I stink.

Fair enough, don't invite me. And thanks for your compassion.

If posters are so worried about being exposed to cigarette smoke, I assume that they leave any event that they attend at which they find that a smoker is there, and smoking? Even if it is outside?
Do they think that smoking should be banned completely?

Compassion? For something you choose to do to yourself? What, what? Seems a bit of an odd logic.

Oh, and I move away from smokers at events. It makes me quite annoyed when people light up in the middle of a crowd. Unfortunately, you can't control the actions of selfish people who consider it their right to do that so you have to do your best in those situations. You can control it at your own home though.

Seriously, you think we all go around spending absurd amounts of money on something that makes us unpopular, and will kill us unpleasantly, out of a joyful daily choice?

Yeah, so what I said. Uncompassionate.

Her reaction does sound a bit excessive, there are certainly better ways of dealing with that. Having said that, I do hate smoking, I don't think smokers realise how much it stinks!

It bugs me that people think that just because you're outside that it won't have any effect on the people around you. People don't dislike being around smokers because they want to make you feel judged - they don't like it because the smell and the health implications second hand smoke can have!

I saw a woman pushing a pram whilst smoking, obviously think that because she was outside it did not matter she was so close to her DC.

rant over

I can't tell if you're being serious? No one forces you to smoke. You choose to do it along with all the health and social results. You know you smell so I don't know why you take offence to people on here saying so. It's just a fact of smoking.

Cigarette smoking is addictive (surely this is not news to people?!), and many smokers have taken the habit up in their foolish teenage years. Some people find it extremely difficult to quit. I can sympathise with that.

its not as simple as don't invite smokers. people give up/relapse or people who are officially non smokers turn up with a packet of cigs and smoke for the evening. they can agree to smoke outside but stand in the doorway and let the smoke blow in. they can agree to not smoke while you visit and smoke anyway in their house.

She shouldn't have yelled at you op.

On the other hand I would probably have thrown up on you ( pregnant )

Most of the people I know vape now, but the ones that do smoke have been told 'politely' that while I respect their decision to smoke, I personally hate it, think they stink and that I won't accept any smoking on my property or within a mile of my children.

Nothing so judgemental as an ex smoker ay

You know what, I have no idea why I hyphenated 'politely'

I really was polite

Well, I'm an ex-smoker (vaper now) and realise we're often the most intolerant of the lot

I freely admit I dislike the smell now, but I have absolutely no problem with others enjoying their ciggie outside. Nobody's going to die because of smoke in the open air, and while some might not be keen, sometimes it's worth remembering that we can't always have what we want, exactly as we want it

More addictive than meth, alcohol, speed and barbiturates.

It's addictive and blah blah blah but that doesn't mean we should all just put up with it and happily breathe it in without saying anything. Where is the compassion from smokers who don't even consider the fact they inflict their addiction on other people? Bully for you that you are addicted. I'm not, my kid isn't and we don't want to breathe it in.

Move away from the person smoking then. They've already been forced to alter their habits very considerably by no longer smoking inside in any public place, or within X number of metres of public buildings. The health concerns really are insignificant when you're talking about the occasional outside smoker. So is the smell.
I think much of this is people liking to feel superior to others.
NB I hope none of these posters ever go to France, China, India, or much of the rest of the world. They'll find it v hard to cope.

Oh FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFS at people being furious at outside smoke. Really?! Even the law is restricted only to ENCLOSED public spaces.

I'm not furious.

I'd just vomit. I'm just as entitled to hate a smell on my property/ clothes/ children as much as someone else is to create it.

In a public place it's annoying but I just move far far away.

Those fuckers that make me run through their smog outside of maternity and throw up in the loo after though...well they can just all die painfully

Nothing to do with feeling superior to others. I just don't want to breathe it in and I don't want my child to either. Boohoo to them having to alter their habits not to poison other people. I have to alter my habits everywhere I go when smokers light up around me. My habit of smoking air that isn't cigarette smoke is taken away from me every time they do. But that's okay, as long as they have their right to smoke, yep.

The smell of the cigarette smoke is almost as unpleasant outdoors as it is indoors, imo, WhatsGoingOnEh. Though I do accept it is easier to move away from, and you can stand upwind.

Having watched my parents try to quit smoking - and seeing them almost break down, to the extent where dad had to get in the car and go to the nearest pub to buy a pack of cigarettes (back in the '70s, in the countryside, so no shops open, no late opening petrol stations, and if dad hadn't rushed to the pub, that was about to close too), I can see how hard it is to give up this addiction.

Dad eventually managed - but still died of smoking-related illness. Mum still smokes, but she does vape too. Thankfully she has replaced her last cigarette of the day, which is smoked in bed, with vaping - as she is also on morphine for chronic back pain, and has a tendency to just nod off - which did worry me a bit.

bbq smoke is harmful too which is ironic and charred food is carcinogenic!!!