To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

I dunno, I just don't really see any of those comments as an attack on all non-smokers. TBH, at a party or night out I do generally find I have the most fun wherever the smokers are hanging out and I still go out with the smokers on work breaks, even though I am allowed to vape indoors where I work. There is a certain camaraderie that is difficult to explain. The rest of the comments that you quote are I think directed towards the extreme anti-smokers.

How would you feel about someone smoking at a party in a garden, nowhere near you? If that wouldn't bother you then the comments really aren't directed at you.

Bet all those vehement antismokers drive exhaust fume-belching cars...

I hate being able to smell fags in traffic on top of exhaust fumes

haha blubirdy I missed that one

plentyofpubegardens what you said (which I agree with on the whole) reminds=ed me of this article in the Daily Mash.

YABU. Her house ,her rules. She was unreasonable not to tell you what they were. I would much rather my neighbours smoked cigarettes in their garden than barbecued. The barbecue smell penetrates and lingers in a way their cigarette smoke does not. A barbecue smell makes me choke,feel nauseous,makes my mouth sore and gives me a dreadful headache even although the barbecue must be a good 20 metres away. Keeping the windows closed does not keep the stench out.I have never mentioned this to them but having read this thread perhaps it would be reasonable to ask them to stop having barbecues and then move on to the cigarettes.

"Bet all those vehement antismokers drive exhaust fume-belching cars..."

Whereas smokers' cars only emit pure, fresh air, fragranced with roses, Iflyaway. Or are you suggesting that smokers only ever drive electric cars....

Posted too soon...

...because of course, it couldn't be that (a similarly large percentage) smokers also drive polluting cars, ohhh no.

Perhaps what Cheapbread is saying is that, horrible as exhaust fumes are, she finds the smell of exhaust plus cigarette smoke even worse.

Office manager Donna Sheridan agreed: “Now that all my smoker mates are using supposedly harmless e-fags, I’ve had to start hanging around crack houses to feel better than others.

Pictish, that was so funny!

Point is though, it isn't second-hand smoke that is causing 29,000 deaths in the UK each year nor is second hand smoke the reason we are being taken to court by the EU for our failure to meet air quality standards. Yet there is never any pressure on drivers to make fewer journeys or switch to cleaner vehicles. Drivers are never told they are selfish, stupid, polluting bastards - why is this? Yes lots of people need to drive, I accept that, but most could do a lot more to lessen their impact on the health of those around them. Why is it always smokers getting it in the neck? Most smokers I know these days feel like they should be apologising for breathing. The vast majority became addicted as children to something which is likely to kill half of them. Isn't that shit enough without people constantly piling on the abuse?

This thread is a rare (on MN) example of smokers giving as good as they get. It probably does feel a bit uncomfortable because you're not used to it. If you were a smoker, you would be.

Yes SGTD, it's the smell. If tobacco didn't stink so much I dont think i'd be bothered. I don't even factor the pollution, which compared to everything else is tiny.

Oh god I have given up smoking lately but this thread makes me want to hunt down every one of the sanctimonious arseholes on it and blow smoke right in their faces.

Well said POPG!

It always comes down to the driving argument with smokers.

Smoking has no benefits. None. There is absolutely no reason to smoke. There is no good side to balance out the negatives.

Driving has benefits. There is a reason for driving in many situations. It has negatives too obviously but at least there is actually some benefits to balance it out.

So it's ok to pollute and poison your kids as long as it has a use or convenience as I said similar in an earlier post

The driving argument is a classic "Look over there" tactic. You simply cannot say that because X causes pollution, that justifies Y and Z activities which will increase that pollution. It's a ludicrous argument.

Gamerchick, as I think you have also said previously, you travel in cars. I take it that you are therefore in fact fine with polluting or poisoning your kids. What's your justification for that if it isn't utilitarian?

To be fair, you don't choose whether cars poison or pollute your kids. I don't have a car. My child still has to breathe in the smoke from other cars. I don't smoke. My child doesn't have to breathe in smoke from cigarettes.

Just because the is another form of smoke pollution out there doesn't mean we should all just add to it. I mean, why would you poison your children more if you can help it?

Yeah I smoke at bbqs as well

I think as it was her house she has the right to tell you off lots of the guests might have been offended or upset about you smoking . I would not of permited it either

I didn't bring up the driving argument, I was responding to other posts. It does come up a lot on smoking threads though, maybe because in terms of health and pollution it's a massive elephant in the room. I think it deserves a thread of its own, I wonder if I started one whether it would be full of 'yes but what about smoking?' responses To borrow some words from Paxman,

Smoking has no benefits. None. There is absolutely no reason to smoke. There is no good side to balance out the negatives.

This isn't true. There are quite a lot of positive effects of nicotine but they are not commonly known or talked about because of nicotine's association with smoking (which is obviously deadly). Smokers aren't actually as stupid as they are frequently told they are, they just aren't allowed to admit that they enjoy it or get anything from it any more. Very interesting podcast here too - an interview with one of the world's leading nicotine researchers.

happy, I would be deeply offended and upset if I was at a party and the host started shouting at a fellow guest as described in the OP.

I brought up the car pollution argument, and I have never smoked.
If you live in town, or drive much with your children, they will suffer a huge amount of exposure to petrol fumes. Diesel fumes, which we have more of in the UK than anywhere else in the world, are now thought to do enormous damage.
What I was trying to say is that if you feel very strongly about your children being exposed to a tiny amount of second hand cigarette smoke over their lifetimes, why do you care so little about them being exposed to huge amount of petrol fumes? How many of you take serious measures to cut that exposure down to the absolute minimum?
If you care so much about a tiny amount of second hand cigarette smoke, why do so many of you happily live in high Radon gas areas? Radon gas is a big cause of lung cancer, yet many people merrily expose their children to that gas, day in day out.
In this context, the fuss about a tiny bit of second hand cigarette smoke is hysterical nonsense. I have never seen any suggestion that a few whiffs of smoke makes any difference to anything. It is hardcore smoking that is dangerous, and living in a house with such a hardcore smoker which presents dangers for a child.

It's about levels of control.

I can't stop people driving. I can't choose where to live freely due to low income and medical reasons. There's lots of things I can't control.

But I can choose not to smoke and can choose not to have smoking around my children.

You control what you can when keeping your kids safe. It seems odd to me that you wouldn't bother with the things you can control just because there are a lot of things you can't.