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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To smoke in the garden at a party?

499 replies

fber · 20/07/2014 18:52

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Laquitar · 22/07/2014 00:42

Bluebird
are you new or nc? Your posts are hilarious, the one @22:17:39 made me laugh. #Pictish# too.
And i agree with everything.

Do some people here EVER let their hair down?

usualsuspectt · 22/07/2014 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bambambini · 22/07/2014 01:08

Yes, because smoker are so cool and hip and all that jazz. Guess that's what they told themselves when they were stupid enough to start in the first place. I thought they were just sheep but at least they are cool sheep.

usualsuspectt · 22/07/2014 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 22/07/2014 01:18

Watching paint dry sounds like more fun than a night out with some of you.

Bambambini · 22/07/2014 01:19

It's a blast - specially when it's raining and freezing and we are inside waving out to all the cool and hip smokers!

expatinscotland · 22/07/2014 01:24

Who I'm sure are paying you attention. Not.

expatinscotland · 22/07/2014 01:26

Come on up here, usual, loads of places have beer gardens with covered tables and heaters.

GarlicJulyKit · 22/07/2014 01:34

My first thought was ... did the BBQ not smoke, then? Confused Hmm

Usual, we must have a night out sometime - and I do mean 'out' Grin The Town That Time Forgot boasts a lovely pub with proper furniture, coverings, light & heaters in the garden.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/07/2014 11:22

So - the smokers are the cool, interesting, hip, wonderful, charismatic ones, and the non-smokers are catsbum-mouthed, boring, dull and unpopular. What a pleasant and attractive attitude - I can see why the smokers are so popular. Hmm

I hate the smell of cigarette smoke - and I am more sensitive to that smell than to many other, equally unpleasant, ones. Maybe due to growing up with two smokers (though dad did give up when I was in my teens). Why does that have to mean I am stupid, uninteresting and no fun? Why is such nastiness being directed at every non-smoker?

I get why smokers hate being tutted at and treated like pariahs - and fwiw, I don't think every pub, cafe or social space should be non-smoking. I'd be happy to see every village, town and city allowed to license a certain proportion of their pubs, cafes, restaurants etc as smoking establishments - then everyone could choose. Though this does have implications for the employees of these establishments, and whether it would be right to make employees work in a smoking establishment, risking the potential damage of passive smoking.

More controversially, I think hospitals should have smoking areas. They would need to be well ventilated, and the smoke and the smell would have to be kept away from the rest of the hospital - but I was a nurse back in the days when every ward had a smoking day room and a non-smoking one. And I have seen how stressful it was when my mum tried to give up smoking (hell, I have seen how stressed and cross she looked after a four hour train journey with no coffee and no cigarettes - and I nearly turned tail and fled when I saw her face!). Being ill in hospital is very stressful, and making a smoker go smoke-free just ramps up that stress hugely. I know it is much, much healthier for them not to smoke - but are the benefits of them not smoking outweighed by the stress of being forced to go smoke free? I think they might be.

Laquitar · 22/07/2014 13:30

Blimey, who said that smokers are cool, who called you stupid and who has been nasty to Every non-smoker?

It is not about smokers/non smokers. It is about people who can let things go and those who are looking for offence even when it is party-time, who take everything very seriously, who sound like your mum or teacher, who try to find any excuse to ruin the party who are very intolerant of different people and different lifestyles.

Yes those are very dull and i wouldnt fancy an evening
with them.

I am not smoker btw (well, not any more).

chrome100 · 22/07/2014 13:33

I don't smoke and never have but I fail to see the problem if you were a) outside and b) not right next to the kids.

It's really not worth getting worked up about.

squoosh · 22/07/2014 13:37

I'm also a non smoker who fails to see the big deal.

EarthWindFire · 22/07/2014 13:41

I'm also a non smoker who fails to see the big deal.

Me too

EarthWindFire · 22/07/2014 13:41

I'm also a non smoker who fails to see the big deal.

Me too

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/07/2014 14:31

The best place in the pub is outside with all the other smokers.


Watching paint dry sounds like more fun than a night out with some of you {non-smokers - implied}.

...the party always seems to end up wherever the smokers are....


Quite frankly, if you can't even see your way to letting someone have a puff in the garden, then you're miserable, controlling git, and I bet your parties are shite

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where I was coming from was that it's often the very same people driving massive gas-guzzling git panzas 4 x 4's for stupid 5 min unnecessary journeys who get a fit of the vapours if they spot someone smoking at the end of the next field

Asking this question - presumably of the OP - Did you also fill your plate with 3 burgers OP? How much mayonaise, you know it is fatty don't you?
What if the children see you over-eating? Hmm


People getting their knickers in a knot over someone smoking in their garden?

Ridiculous weirdos.

These are some of the bits from this thread that have led me to my conclusions, Laquitar.

There are the non-smokers who don't like people smoking near them described as lemon lipped, and all the stuff about how the best bits of the parties are where the smokers are - that clearly says that the non-smokers are the dull, uninteresting bits of the party, who no-one wants to be with. Not just the judgemental ones - every non-smoker.

usualsuspectt · 22/07/2014 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slithytove · 22/07/2014 14:42

Is it smokers, or smoking that gets called vile and disgusting?

Because I as we all know, hate the smell, taste, feel etc. But I don't make a judgement on the person doing it just because they are smoking.

Again, it's a big jump to go from "can you please smoke in the front garden/over there/not here" to assume that person is looking for an excuse to ruin the party.

It's made me feel pretty shit and self conscious about the times I've asked people not to smoke around me or DS in our own home.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 22/07/2014 16:54

most people seem to dislike smoking because of the unpleasant effect it has on their own body /those of loved ones.

only on MN does that make them unreasonable.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 22/07/2014 17:35

One of those quotes is mine, STD. I don't think it fits at all with your assessment that nastiness is being directed at every non-smoker. I'm a non-smoker myself, btw, and have been since last october. I no longer like the smell (didn't ever really) and I gave up because of the very well-established health risks.

Nobody is directing their nastiness at every non-smoker. Some people are, quite understandably IME, retaliating to the constant stream of vilification and ridiculous nonsensical restrictions imposed by a certain brand of extreme anti-smoker. I can see from your post that you are not one of those. The type of anti-smoker I am talking about has become very very obvious to me since I switched to vaping. It has become very clear that some people are not actually worried about public health at all, they simply enjoy having a group of people they are allowed to be shitty to without censure.

slithy, it's smokers. They are routinely called stupid, smelly and selfish and told they 'simply don't realise ...' this that or the other (they do, they're told often enough FFS). There's one poster on here who routinely pops up on smoking threads to share her wish that smoking was more toxic to smokers. Lovely Smile

CheapBread · 22/07/2014 18:10

Op should've asked. Smoking is rank, it smells, a lot, and being outdoors doesn't make it instantly unsmellable. I hate being able to smell fags in traffic on top of exhaust fumes. Or at the beach on a hot day . I genuinely find it as minging as someone farting in front of you and walking off. Again, I grew up in a family of smokers. It's a laughably old fashioned concept, even that 4 year old sussed it out.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 22/07/2014 18:21

I have friends who are smokers, and friends who are non-smokers. I don't smoke and neither does my OH because a) it's never really interested us and b) we have DD. I don't judge smokers.

Why am I and other non-judgmental non-smoker suddenly not fun? I sometimes go and stand out with the smokers in the rain just to chat with them. And sometimes I sit in the warm and point and laugh (good-naturedly, of course Grin )

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/07/2014 18:29

PlentyofPubeGardens - it was part of the overall impression I've got from the thread, but if I have misrepresented you, I am sorry.

blubirdy · 22/07/2014 18:56

I hate being able to smell fags in traffic on top of exhaust fumes

oh cheapbread, I can just imagine how awful that must be for you, there you are, breathing in the lovely car fumes, enjoying the moment, savouring the aroma, then along comes a filthy bloody smoker and your lovely exhaust fumes get covered up by fag smoke. I would start a petition if I was you!

blubirdy · 22/07/2014 19:02

vilification and ridiculous nonsensical restrictions imposed by a certain brand of extreme anti-smoker

they simply enjoy having a group of people they are allowed to be shitty to without censure

that's exactly how I see it, they are extremists. Intolerant and alienating to many, even non smokers like us.