To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

Enjoying this highly defensive stance from the smokers about how parties are no fun unless people can smoke. It's a massive generalisation for which precisely no evidence is offered. How much fun do you seriously imagine other people are having with your second hand smoke wafting in their direction?

Slithy I wasn't referring to you personally, so you can come back down off the ceiling.

And if you asked me to smoke in your front garden, I would gladly comply.

That must be what the Lynx effect is all about SDT.

Render the fairer sex unconscious....

Not all of us defending a crafty fag are smokers ici.

of course slithytove can't avoid the smell of cigarette smoke in the street - much as I am sure she would like to. But surely it is not unreasonable for her to expect her own garden to be a no-smoking zone!

I was asking how she copes in the street. Things that scare me or upset me in my garden, would still scare and upset me in the street. I just wondered how she coped with it.

If anyone wants to ban smoking from THEIR gardens, it is of course THEIR right to do so. But they also shouldn't moan about their neighbours smoking in THEIR own garden, but they do. All the time. Every day. Moan moan moan.

That ^ and....

all the half-cocked justifications people make up to try to support their stance that gets to me. A ciggy at 10 meters give them an asthma attack, yet they can walk in the High Street surrounded by car fumes and have no issues. If they just said "look I am an intolerant person, I won't have it" then i could at least respect that somewhat as it's honest. It's all the half truths they tell that get to me, that and the fact they refuse to see how they polute the atmosphere too, like overusing their cars etc.

The way it read to me, blubirdy, was that you were saying, 'Well, you can't avoid cigarette smoke in the streets - you have to put up with that, so why shouldn't you have to put up with it in your garden too' - as if the fact that you can't always avoid cigarette smoke means you should never be allowed to avoid it, even in your own garden.

If that isn't what you were saying, I apologise.

How much fun do you seriously imagine other people are having with your second hand smoke wafting in their direction?

Well...loads apparently, because our get togethers at home are always well attended. There are plenty of non smokers that come along who don't seem to give a tiny toot about our second hand smoke.
What's your point?

As expatinscotland puts it "Soooo glad I don't know anyone this ridiculous in real life".
God me too.

I go away. And the places I walk don't tend to pass a lot of pubs and transport places - I live in a very small town and the pubs aren't on the main stretch, plus they have gardens. Now I'm thinking about it, I don't tend to pass groups of people smoking in my town.

But there have been occasions, memorably, going into asda, when I've been sick. It's awful and upsetting. Luckily temporary, it goes away between pregnancies.

It has been so bad, that when mil or my sister has smoked and then come to hug me or whatever, I've been sick. It's not just being dramatic or anti smoking, it's a horrible, uncontrollable reaction.

Garlic does it too.

And being anti smoking, which I am since having kids, is very very different to being anti smokers.

I make no judgement about someone who smokes just because they smoke.

I would make a judgement if they were inconsiderate enough to not ask where in my home smoking is acceptable.

Yeah...the smell of coffee had the same effect on me. In fact, once the smell of the fresh bread in Markies caused me to have a highly embarrassing spontaneous vom, resulting in a clean up operation while they fetched me a cup of tea in the cafe (I explained, mortified, that i was pregnant).

What you gonna do?

And I'm sure it makes no difference, but in my circle of friends and family, maybe 20% smoke, certainly not the majority.

Most of my friends are non smokers too - most people are these days....although a handful do smoke.
They don't hold it against me, and no one has ever demanded I be 20 metres away (or whatever the fuck) while having a puff.
They're all...you know...sane.

I wouldn't be frequenting coffee shops in those circumstances Pictish!

Coffee isn't great for me but doesn't induce vomit, so all DH does is makes sure he brushes his teeth after he has a cup.

I just think it's not that much hardship for someone to go to a different part of our 'grounds' if they must smoke.

For all of you who are ok with smoking, how far does that extend?

For instance, would you be ok with someone having a fag, and then coming and cuddling your newborn?

I'm not. I would ask that they avoided smoking right before holding my baby.

I'm not insane!

I just cannot stomach the smell, and don't really want it around DS who is delicate. And neither does DH - a social smoker.

I don't smoke, but don't get my knickers in a twist about people smoking outdoors.

I agree. I understand that people have every right to live in a smoke free home. We don't smoke in the house either.
But when you start getting a cob on about people smoking in the garden, out in the open air, then I think you're taking it too far. In my opinion.

I don't know anyone in rl who is so tightly wound up about it, and I think it's pretty unusual to be so uncompromising.

Sorry pal - this will just have to be an 'agree to disagree' one.

I loathe the smell of barbecues, and both the smoke from them and the charred food produced contain carcinogens. All this fuss about cigarette smoke; I'm amazed anyone would smell it over the stink of barbecued burgers and accelerant.

It's uncompromising to say please can you smoke over there?

Right.

As an asides...whenever I'm at someone's house for a wee soiree, the party always seems to end up wherever the smokers are.
That must be really annoying for fervent smoking haterz, as they sit and eyeball each another in the empty sitting room.

A person can't have a fag outdoors? Madness...

Each another? That's new!

You were not being unreasonable.