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AIBU?

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Original poster

to feel sad about people's perception of having sons.

304 replies

wanderingcloud · 20/07/2014 11:15

A random conversation in the staffroom at work, general chit chat about children. The mother of two daughters who go to the same nursery as my sons said "I'm sure your boys are lovely but I'm SO glad I have girls! Boys are just horrid!" then other mum's of girls started chiming in with comments about how generally noisy/smelly/disgusting/horrible boys are and what a nightmare they must be. I laughed it off, my boys can be a handful. What under 3yr old isn't occasionally noisy and dirty? However, watching my two sons sitting quietly looking at books together this morning, I'm filled with sadness that people actually perceive them in such a negative way.

OP posts:
The3Bears · 20/07/2014 15:39

I have 2 boys 7yr old ds1 and 23 m ds2, both are absolutely lovely they adore they're mummy and I am constantly receiving hugs and kisses, I find them adorable and couldn't imagine having a girl in fact when pregnant with ds2 I was over the moon when we discovered we were having a boy and I feel our family is complete.
No one has ever said anything bad about me having 2 boys although I get asked all the time if we'll have another baby so we can have a girl, tbh if we did have another baby I would be hoping for another boy Grin

NotBatman · 20/07/2014 15:50

I hear more negative comments about girls and how they'll be a handful later and how boys are so easy.

Mrsfrumble · 20/07/2014 15:50

I have a boy who does fit the stereotype, and do you know what? That 's bloody fine by me! Yes, he's noisy and boisterous and grubby and messy. So what! Why bother having children if you just want them to be so neat and quiet that you don't even notice they're there?

My boy is lovely and he challenges me. If I didn't want to be challenged I wouldn't have bothered having children.

TheOldestCat · 20/07/2014 15:53

I have one of each and the vast majority of negative comments I've heard are about girls "Oh, they're so much more difficult when they're older" etc etc.

Tis all bollocks. Anyone making negative comments about either gender is being a nob - it tells you so much more about them than it tells you about the experience of having a boy/girl.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 20/07/2014 15:59

I totally agree. I love having a little boy for so many reasons. A good friend just had twenty week scan and texted to say 'I'm so happy and smug I'm having a girl'. I found it really hurtful and felt sad for her that she couldn't see the joy in having a son. Probably being touchy but I think people focus far too much on gender, and make assumptions.

ThePinkOcelot · 20/07/2014 16:00

I have 2 girls. I have no experience of boys so really don't think I am qualified to comment on the behaviour of boys.. If your colleagues also just have girls, I don't think they are either. They are being ridiculous really!

Delphiniumsblue · 20/07/2014 16:00

I really can't see that it matters which gender you have. How you get on depends on personality and the way they are brought up.
It largely seems to boil down to pretty frocks and hair styling and they don't let you choose either for very long and then it goes on to someone to shop with - and I hate shopping.
In many ways mothers can end up closer to sons- possibly why some DILs don't like them! Grin

Saltedcaramel2014 · 20/07/2014 16:01

mrsfrumbles awesome comment.

Voodoobooboo · 20/07/2014 16:04

I'm a single Mum to a DS and am regularly asked how I cope with a boy on my own. I'm never really sure of the response people are looking for. Are they suggesting a DD would help more with the housework? Or that a DS is too much of a handful for a little woman like me. I was even asked once how I took DS swimming as he couldn't change with me (he's been washing and dressing without my help for some time. He is nearly 13). I also get a lot of tutting about DS's absent father and it being so hard for a boy. Personally i think the focus should be on the absent parent not thr gender of the abandoned child.

Fuck'em, i tend to think it is an early indicator that I'm dealing with a judgy idiot.

TheFairyCaravan · 20/07/2014 16:20

Thank you wanderingcloudSmile Flowers.

DownstairsMixUp · 20/07/2014 16:29

I have a boy who is nearly 5 and my next boy is due august. I am totally happy with two boys! I'd have liked a girl to. I really just wanted a healthy baby to be honest, gender didn't come into it. I do always get comments like, "you'll have to try again now!" uhm no, I've always wanted 2 BABIES, there was never any gender specification. Also get all the usual oh you'll miss a connection with a girl blah blah which I just ignore as a woman myself I am actually closer to my dad anyway than I am to my own mum so i know it's horse shit. A colleague at work has 3 boys and her first girl is due next month and you can tell she's just always wanted the "princess" girl. All the clothes she's bought are pink, the room is pink, constantly referring to the bump as princess and even said she'd regret being pregnant if she found out this one was a boy! :O

MissDuke · 20/07/2014 16:39

My boy has always been the most affectionate of my three children. When out and about, he regularly stops and shouts across the room 'love you mummy'!!! He is a wee sweetie. My girls are every bit as rough and tumble as any boy I know, and the messiest of them all is the eldest girl.

As an aside, like other posters the gender thing drives me nuts - when I had one of each I had lots of comments about that being 'me finished' as I had one of each - whereas my sil was often asked would she have one more as she had two girls. As it was, I had a third, and sil didn't, because gender was not a consideration in our family planning!

netty7070 · 20/07/2014 16:41

My DS is gentle, sensitive and kind. I wanted a boy for some irrational reason and he is just about perfect.

People say all sorts of crap, often connected to their own insecurities.

valrhona · 20/07/2014 21:45

I have one of each. I actively "tried" for a boy second time around cycle like clockwork because dd is such a daddy's girl - I almost felt left out sometimes.
Along came ds who absolutely adores his daddy as well but he loves me so affectionately, hugs and kisses galore.
Now that dd is older, we have so much more in common and at last have the relationship I'd hoped for.

In the past I was one to overthink things

ultimately am so so grateful for my lovely children and would have been no matter what bits they'd arrived with

Purplepoodle · 20/07/2014 21:54

Am I the only one who has boys and is a tiny bit terrified of having a girl?

missingwordsround · 20/07/2014 22:00

I must admit if you don't count my MIL and SIL who are very sexist as they believe boys are ruffians, girls play with dolls etc etc apart from one of my friends admitting she desperately wanted a daughter - I have NEVER heard anyone saying anything in favour of girls or anti boys.

I have heard PLENTY against girls, though Hmm

Lots of people stating to DH that he must be sad because we don't have a son ....erm actually no. After trying for 6 years we are eternally grateful for our CHILD and love her more than anything - as we would if our child had been a boy. Enough said really.

IndiansInTheLobby · 20/07/2014 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CooCooCachoo · 20/07/2014 22:20

Ha, I am guilty of the complete opposite. I'm relieved to only have boys (2 of them) and secretly prayed for boys when pregnant. I have a sister and we were terrible to each other until we hit adulthood. I also hated the teenage girl years and didn't want to have to face them with my own kids - at least teenage boys will be new and different.

My eldest (3) also HATES being dirty....

ScrambledEggAndToast · 20/07/2014 22:22

In some cultures having a boy is much more highly prized than having a girl anyway. Aside from that, any CHILD is wonderful, it doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl. I must admit though, I do worry that I will be pushed out and seen as the "second class" Grandma when the time comes as I only have a son and that seems to be what often happens. Only time will tell I guess.

Roundedbuttocks90 · 20/07/2014 22:25

Girls are a bloody nightmare!

Little hissy fits over absolutely nothing every 5 minutes, refusing to do anything you say, the whole 'little madam' attitude and disrespect for any

Roundedbuttocks90 · 20/07/2014 22:26

Girls are a bloody nightmare!

Little hissy fits over absolutely nothing every 5 minutes, refusing to do anything you say, the whole 'little madam' attitude and disrespect for anyone or anything.

Girls are a bloody challenge and a half! Give me a house full of boys any day

WallyBantersJunkBox · 20/07/2014 22:32

I had the head tilty comment on a work night out once about losing my son when he grows up and gets married. How I won't be the preferred granny etc.

I replied, "Nah, it's okay, he's going to be gay and shack up with a beautiful Portuguese hairdresser. I'm going to be the number one woman in his life for ever, go on gay cruises and have fucking fabulous hair."

Facial reaction and fearful look = priceless

WallyBantersJunkBox · 20/07/2014 22:35

I don't know where the Portuguese bit came from, or the hairdresser. I was pissed and bloody furious.

As if anyone can judge or demand what the future adult life of their kids will be.Angry

All I want is a healthy, happy caring son.

Tadla · 20/07/2014 22:51

Mothers of sons can be nasty and/or thoughtless too. i know someone who was thankful they had a son as they'd never have to face being the mother of a pregnant teenage unmarried girl - fortunately, i don't work with them anymore.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 20/07/2014 22:57

Yes there are feckless dingbats for all occasions....