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Original poster

to feel sad about people's perception of having sons.

304 replies

wanderingcloud · 20/07/2014 11:15

A random conversation in the staffroom at work, general chit chat about children. The mother of two daughters who go to the same nursery as my sons said "I'm sure your boys are lovely but I'm SO glad I have girls! Boys are just horrid!" then other mum's of girls started chiming in with comments about how generally noisy/smelly/disgusting/horrible boys are and what a nightmare they must be. I laughed it off, my boys can be a handful. What under 3yr old isn't occasionally noisy and dirty? However, watching my two sons sitting quietly looking at books together this morning, I'm filled with sadness that people actually perceive them in such a negative way.

OP posts:
pictish · 20/07/2014 11:40

I am laughing because my older brother...he was bookish, cautious, meek and shy as a child, whereas I was a dirt eating, tree scaling, stunt pulling, noisy bugger.
Still am.

andsmile · 20/07/2014 11:40

they hanvt met my DD, what sexist cows

OxfordBags · 20/07/2014 11:40

JeDelo, why do you need to focus on the alleged negatives of boys to feel good about having a girl? Surely just focusing on having a girl, or an actual baby, full stop, is enough?

My child is the sweetest kid imaginable. So thoughtful, caring, empathic and generous, and also incredibly sensitive and tender; a shy little thing. Loves clothes, cooking, art and going shopping. And is very tidy, loves cleaning and doesn't like getting messy (doesn't get any of the last stuff from me!).

I love having a son.

GretchenWiener · 20/07/2014 11:41

yes - good luck with that Susan - think teachers would largley say the stereotypes are true

GingerPuddin · 20/07/2014 11:41

When DS was about 2.5 I asked him if he was a boy or girl. He paused and said boy. Then he thought about it a bit more and said 'I'm me!'

That's how it should be.

MrsAtticus · 20/07/2014 11:42

I have 2 sons and wouldn't swap them for girls for all the money in the world. I think the mother/son relationship is so special, and i imagine myself as an old lady with 2 strapping men to look after me!

MagnificentMaleficent · 20/07/2014 11:43

I have 2DD's and just had a DS. The amount of people who have said "Oh you can stop now you've got your boy".

I wasn't the slightest bit bothered either way

People just say stuff...

ScarlettlovesRhett · 20/07/2014 11:47

I have 2 boys - 9 & 12.

They are and have been:

Dirty, smelly, loud (always loud!), argumentative, thoughtless, scrapping constantly - funny, loving, cute, always cuddly (even my 12 yr old still is sometimes!), interesting, fearless, confident, clever, compassionate and thoughtful.

I wouldn't have anything else - boys are ace.

I often get an overwhelming rush of love when I see them quietly sitting together doing something as I'm so used to the mayhem they can bring (much as you did this morning - it's not sadness, it's bring a lump to your throat rush of love).

gobbin · 20/07/2014 11:47

I wanted a girl when I was pregnant but had convinced myself it was a boy even though we didn't know. To have then given birth to a son was no surprise. He has been a joy and apart from the 3.5 - 6 years when reason went out the window, has been very, very easy. I am proud of my young man (now 17).

And anyway, girls do that really horrible screechy scream thing where they try out their most horrible sound possible on the whole world, generally when you're trying to have a quiet family meal or similar. I've never seen a boy do that.

GatoradeMeBitch · 20/07/2014 11:48

I'm the mother of a son and I've heard women saying awful things about girls 'Oh, I'm glad I don't have girls, they can be so spiteful and vindictive. Boys always love their Mums.' I was at a playgroup once when a girl and boy got into a fight. One of the women said that the girl was a 'little bitch', when she'd behaved no worse than the boy.

I agree with Maleficent, people so just say stuff, especially when it's stuff that supports whatever it is that they have.

gordyslovesheep · 20/07/2014 11:49

oh it works both ways - I have three girls and get the sad face/head tilt over it all the time along with 'where you trying for a boy :( ' and 'Oh your poor DH was he disappointed'

Littleturkish · 20/07/2014 11:50

I hate this pigeon holing. It is so restrictive and limited.

I know people who work in education and spout ridiculous nonsense like this- I can remember my teachers at school saying similar things.

naturalbaby · 20/07/2014 11:50

As a mother of 3 boys I also agree. My boys are noisy and very physical at times etc etc but aren't all small children with siblings??

Norfolknway · 20/07/2014 11:52

Some boys are 'orrible...so are some girls.

Stupid people say stupid things, take no notice

Original poster
wanderingcloud · 20/07/2014 12:04

It was the kind of throwaway casual remark that I thought was a bit [hmmm] at the time but thinking about it later I felt it was really quite rude. I see her most mornings at drop off and pick up. I'm a tad narked she clearly judged they're horrid based on that snapshot.

OP posts:
Original poster
wanderingcloud · 20/07/2014 12:05

It was the kind of throwaway casual remark that I thought was a bit [hmmm] at the time but thinking about it later I felt it was really quite rude. I see her most mornings at drop off and pick up. I'm a tad narked she clearly judged they're horrid based on that snapshot.

OP posts:
micah · 20/07/2014 12:06

I have 2 girls. It's their personalities that make them hard work, not what's between their legs :)

It does seem that because I don't dress them exclusively in pink, or insist that they behave prettily and obediently, people assume they are boys. I get a lot of lectures about how boys are such hard work, and horrid children, but aren't they much more loving and won't I be happy when they're teenaged. I get very strange looks when I point out they're girls, they like climbing trees/running/getting wet- as if I don't know the gender of my own children!

My dd was horrified the other day when they were signing up for ballet at school. There were 3 boys wanted to sign up but their parents wouldn't let them because ballet is for girls. We went to see the royal ballet last year and she was entranced by Steven McRae, so she is of the opinion that boys are better at ballet and couldn't understand it!

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 20/07/2014 12:15

Girls are not full of drama, if anything ds is the drama llama around here.
Boys are great, girls are great. No need to put one down to hype the other one up.

MsJupiter · 20/07/2014 12:40

Gobbin you should really spend some time with my DS. He loves testing out the sound of his voice (especially in quiet public spaces) and can put opera singers to shame.

I am friends with a group of mums and a couple of us with DS's have had similar sleep issues. The other mum is always saying to me that it's because we have boys. I just say I think they are all individuals and give an example of someone with a DS who is a good sleeper or a DD who isn't.

It's so prevalent everywhere though, I find I can't say anything about my DS without someone saying 'that's boys for you' or similar. Funnily enough they don't seem to register if I tell them how much he loves books, dolls and his play kitchen.

Tinpin · 20/07/2014 13:13

Teenage boys are lively ,funny and fill the house with happiness. Ignore those who say boys are second class children. They don't know what they are talking about!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/07/2014 13:15

Tinpin you're right on the money there, my boys are older teens and they're fab and great company.

Two are currently on holiday and the house is desperately quiet without them.

Delphiniumsblue · 20/07/2014 13:20

I think it is a MN peculiarity- I have never had a negative comment about my boys, apart from one person who 'is sad that I will never experience that mother/daughter relationship' - said by someone who has a pretty poor one herself!

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/07/2014 13:22

It is interesting to me that there seems to be a preference for girls in the UK, given historically that was not the case and worldwide it is not the case.

Branleuse · 20/07/2014 13:24

i have both sexes and theyre all equally disgusting

HaroldLloyd · 20/07/2014 13:24

I don't think it actually is a MN peculiarity. I've heard quite a few similar comments to this.

I suppose it depends on your general exposure to knobs!