to be a bit upset that we're no longer included in family gatherings because we asked that the dogs be closed away?

[LapsedTwentysomething]

A while ago there was an incident in which a toddler narrowly missed being bitten in the face by an ageing and spoiled dog - not what you would consider a risky breed - at a family get together in someone's house. As I have young children who are already nervous of dogs I asked if they could be closed away during family parties. This was met with a resounding no (in fact it was a bitchy no, behind my back, that got back to me). I have stuck to my guns because, as I see it, the risk is still the same, and haven't been able to go to any extended family get togethers since. No one contacts us and because of what happened I can't arrange to call round because obvs the dogs will be running around.

I'm really regarded as neurotic and ridiculous in this. They tend to treat the dogs like children which I think contributed to the near miss. That incident was blamed on the child by the dog owner.

The thing is I'm feeling really isolated because of such a trivial issue. My DM is very ill and I could use some family support, but when I saw a couple of them elsewhere recently we were harangued about it / other stuff.

It's not such a big ask is it? I have friends who actually offer to send the dogs off for a walk or to shut them out if we go round. I actually don't feel like associating with the wider family any more.

There is a huge difference between snapping/"nearly" biting and actually biting. If the dog was trying to bite, it would almost certainly have succeeded. An exasperated dog can snap as a warning. Blaming the toddler is ridiculous. It is the adult humans responsible for the toddler who are to blame. People need to supervise their small children around animals and not end up either blaming the child or the animal.

I find this so odd. I have two house cats. They are genuinely sweet and harmless. If someone came over who was allergic/didn't like them/was scared of them then I would just stick the cats in my bedroom for the duration of the visit. If it was for a few hours I'd probably pop them in the office with some food, water and a litter tray. Honestly what's the big deal?

Was this your relatives' dog or a random dog in a different family. Huge, huge difference.

So your own child didn't have a near miss with this dog? Yet you are staying away from family gatherings because of something that almost happened with another child? And it seems the dog reacted to another dog, not the child?

I was half seeing your point in your first post. Now I think YABVU.

I can’t believe anyone thinks you are unreasonable. If your DC got bitten and you came on here saying you’d previously seen a child nearly get bitten by the same dog, you’d be slated!

You are absolutely right to feel upset. They are putting the dogs before their relationship with you.

You may well have a problem with anxiety and it may well be beneficial to work on that and your children’s feelings about dogs so it doesn’t become a serious issue.

But your risk assessment here is spot on. If you think about the likelihood of a spoiled dog that previously snapped at a small child doing the same again, particularly to a nervous child who doesn’t know how to be confident and safe with dogs could do it again it’s high. The possible consequences could be life changing.

Sorry your family are like this.

This thread is 10 years old. I very much doubt whether the dogs in question are still alive.