to be a bit upset that we're no longer included in family gatherings because we asked that the dogs be closed away?

[LapsedTwentysomething]

A while ago there was an incident in which a toddler narrowly missed being bitten in the face by an ageing and spoiled dog - not what you would consider a risky breed - at a family get together in someone's house. As I have young children who are already nervous of dogs I asked if they could be closed away during family parties. This was met with a resounding no (in fact it was a bitchy no, behind my back, that got back to me). I have stuck to my guns because, as I see it, the risk is still the same, and haven't been able to go to any extended family get togethers since. No one contacts us and because of what happened I can't arrange to call round because obvs the dogs will be running around.

I'm really regarded as neurotic and ridiculous in this. They tend to treat the dogs like children which I think contributed to the near miss. That incident was blamed on the child by the dog owner.

The thing is I'm feeling really isolated because of such a trivial issue. My DM is very ill and I could use some family support, but when I saw a couple of them elsewhere recently we were harangued about it / other stuff.

It's not such a big ask is it? I have friends who actually offer to send the dogs off for a walk or to shut them out if we go round. I actually don't feel like associating with the wider family any more.

Honestly.....I think YABU.

Why are your children nervous around dogs? IME, it's usually because the parents are a bit flappy and neurotic every time a dog is within 7 feet.

IMO you should educate your children on how to properly approach (or avoid) animals, and not make it into a big deal.

We have 5 working dogs and one house dog. I would NEVER leave any of them unsupervised with DC but DC love them, aren't afraid and know when to back off.

There is one of DCs friends who comes to visit who is TERRIFIED of dogs, which in turn puts the dogs on edge. When I saw the mother near the dogs..... I understood why.

Sorry if this sounds judgey, but I really think YABU. Your children will encounter dogs their whole life, take the chance to make them comfortable and confident around them now, don't just segregate.

how did the near miss happen?

It's not really about the dogs

It's about you 'needing' support from such a bunch of arseholes who talk about you behind your back

Dump them, get better support.

Listen I am the most undoggy person I know and yet we have a dog at home. She's well trained ish and only allowed in the kitchen.

If you were my sil I would think you were being over the top and I would refuse to accommodate your wishes. However if I were a guest in your house I wouldn't bring the dog.

I do honestly think you need to not show your anxiety inI front of your children for their sake.

YANBU. if it is a family gathering and your children are part of that family they should come before the dogs.

Yes, some people can inflict their timidness of animals on their children but for the odd family gathering I don't see why it's such a problem. If the dog snapped then it shouldn't be around children in a setting like that.

I think any responses saying you were BU are from dog owners. It is natural for children to be nervous around animals they don't know, far preferable than being over confident with them.

I'm afraid I wouldn't shut my dogs away for anyone any more than I would the kids. They are used to children (having two of their own) and would only snarl (not even snap) at times of extreme provocation (like having little fingers in their eyes). My house, my dogs, if people don't like it then they can stay away.

Is it anxiety though, when the OP knows that there is a dog at family gatherings that tried to bite a child? To me that sounds like a reasonable worry.

If the family were bothered it wouldn't be the end of the world to keep the dogs in a separate area whilst the OP is there.

The near miss wasn't my DC. It was a child who had their own dog. The child was passing by and the dog snapped in her face. Her DM instantly pulled her back so luckily n

I can totally understand why you asked that and why you're upset

But you can't dictate how people do things in their own homes, all you can do is say that if they do x you can't/won't visit. Unfortunately they've taken you up on that

Could you attend for short periods of time if you kept your dc close to you?
A

Oops. No contact was made.

Personally I'm not nervous about dogs. I said my DC is. So is my DH.

The problem is that the person who has declined keeps giving the DCs food to walk around with, which I think is a recipe for disaster.

You are not at all unreasonable. I am sorry that your family has acted so insensitively in response to your very reasonable wishes. Stick to your guns - as you have said, your true friends have already acted appropriately in keeping dogs separate from younger children.

Wether anyone agrees with shutting dogs away or no, they could have handled it nicer, spoken to you about it etc rather than slagging you off behind your back.

Though honestly I wouldn't ask for dogs to be shut away.

Maybe they could have helped you with your DCs nervousness.

People always come above animals in my book.

Yanbu

People before animals in my book.

I think maybe if they'd initially agree to it and gradually reintroduced the dogs it wouldn't have been such an issue. It's become on, largely because they were just so rude about it.

I'm confused OP. Are you or your children coming into contact t with the dog you mention who has a history of biting? If so, then YANBU to not want your children near this particular dog
If you are just using this as an example, and don't actually know the dangerous dog then YABU to use it to tar all dogs and owners.

Dogs should be supervised with children and by not addressing a dog fear with your children now you are setting them up for a phobia in the future that will affect their day to day lives, as dogs are everywhere.

I like dogs, I'm not nervous of them and would probably have one myself if I wasn't really allergic to them.

I would not want my children around a dog that is known to snap (at children), particularly if I also knew that the dog was not handled properly and treated like a child itself. Isn't that just common sense?

Unfortunately, you can't insist on your family keeping the dog away from the children. So you are left in the position where you effectively aren't welcome. It's sad that your wider family have prioritised the dogs over you and your DC.

Yes, family get togethers do involve the dog that snapped at the child.

I don't think you're unreasonable.
I think they are!
When a dog had snapped at a child already... OMG! Cannot believe the owners aren't wary of their dog being around kids.
If it was my dog, I'd be mortified and would always put my dog away if children came round.
I think these people you mention are bloody awful, and incredibly blinkered and selfish.
I'm sorry for you being treated in such a senseless way.

The one who was particularly rude about it however, was a different person - the one who gives the DCs food around the dogs. I think that's irresponsible. In fact I never got as far as asking her - what she said got back to me beforehand and it was along the lines that she wouldn't be closing her dogs away so she didn't want us at her house. Bear in mind that this was very soon after it happened.

For those who are saying people before animals - definitely! Your people before someone else's animals in your own homes.

If someone is coming to be fed and looked after in somebody else's home then they need to fit in. If their children are afraid of the dog that lives in that home then I wouldn't mind a bit if they didn't come at all.

If the parents were particularly hard work in the way they dealt with it, I can well imagine they'd get "regarded as neurotic and ridiculous" and become "isolated" because of it. And I'd possibly feel a bit sorry for the poor children of the mother.

Of course do carry on sticking to your guns OP, you're more than entitled to do that. But you can't be surprised when other people have their reactions to your behaviour and find you a little too much like hard work to bother with.

YANBU - put the dogs away. Its only for a few hours - what does it hurt. I hate dogs sniffing around me when I'm eating anyway.

As pp have said, it's the way your family have handled this that is hurtful. They have shown you clearly that the dogs come before you and your kids. And if they are using this as a reason not to spend time with your poorly DM or to help out in any way, then frankly I think you're better off without them. I know that doesn't ease the sadness and disappointment you will feel. Do you have in-laws who can compensate and give you some support, or friends? It's sad that family don't always live up to what you might want of them.

Think yabu. As far as i can tell from your posts its not even their dog that snapped in the first place.
I do agree that its not fair to be talked about.
Btw, not a dog owner!