to be a bit upset that we're no longer included in family gatherings because we asked that the dogs be closed away?

[LapsedTwentysomething]

A while ago there was an incident in which a toddler narrowly missed being bitten in the face by an ageing and spoiled dog - not what you would consider a risky breed - at a family get together in someone's house. As I have young children who are already nervous of dogs I asked if they could be closed away during family parties. This was met with a resounding no (in fact it was a bitchy no, behind my back, that got back to me). I have stuck to my guns because, as I see it, the risk is still the same, and haven't been able to go to any extended family get togethers since. No one contacts us and because of what happened I can't arrange to call round because obvs the dogs will be running around.

I'm really regarded as neurotic and ridiculous in this. They tend to treat the dogs like children which I think contributed to the near miss. That incident was blamed on the child by the dog owner.

The thing is I'm feeling really isolated because of such a trivial issue. My DM is very ill and I could use some family support, but when I saw a couple of them elsewhere recently we were harangued about it / other stuff.

It's not such a big ask is it? I have friends who actually offer to send the dogs off for a walk or to shut them out if we go round. I actually don't feel like associating with the wider family any more.

Sorry pressed too soon, They are being TOTALLY unreasonable. If they have a dog in the family (did I read it right that it was one of their dogs?) then they are completely out of order not shutting it away. Why run the risk of having a serious bit? It's obviously not safe around kids. You do right staying well away from them.

I completely understand that treasued pets are part of the household, whether they're dogs or anything else - but my understanding stops when an animal's needs are set above those of people

I had a friend whose family dog was "their baby" They crocheted it little hats, cooked it fudge (!) and absolutely insisted that they couldn't possibly train it as that would be cruel. Sadly, it's brain became so scrambled that eventually it savaged her mother and had to be put down ... so much for their claimed kindness to animals

YANBU. DC2 (minding his own business at the time) was attacked under very similar circumstances as a toddler. For years he was then petrified of dogs, flying into a panic when one was in close proximity ... unsettling to even the most chilled-out of dogs. He's now 7 and is quite a lot better, but it still makes me angry that the dog owner whose house it was never acknowledged that a) he had 2 very badly trained and behaved dogs and b) visiting children are higher up the hierarchy than twattish dogs. Never went again.

Luckily, thanks to separation / divorce, he is no longer a close family member and his dogs have quite a lot to do with that

The posters on here telling you YABU are exactly why you are not - you just cannot trust people to think in a sane and rational way when it concerns dogs.

The fact that an animal has already tried to bite a child's face and your family cannot see that there might be an issue and want to do everything they can to ensure that other children are kept safe makes them selfish arseholes.

Sorry they are treating you badly.

What a shame.

If anyone ever comes to our house and is uncomfortable around our dog, I shut her in the utility room, and she has the most beautiful nature of any dog I've ever known. I then try and explain to the child that they should try and stroke her etc. My dog has helped several children overcome their fear of dogs.

Learning how to behave around animals is a life skill, like crossing the road.

I know I'm going off track, but those friends who separate the dog are obviously sensible and responsible. I'd use the opportunity of getting to know that dog in order for her to overcome her fear.

Your DD needs to know that most dogs are lovely. I have the opposite problem, with a DD who struggles not to think that every dog she meets wants to be her friend. I have taught her never to stroke or approach a dog without first asking the permission of the owner - you just never know.

I know one little girl whose anxiety was so extreme that she couldn't go for walks in the woods, or go to the park. IMHO, her mother fed this anxiety, saying things like "Oh, here's a dog, don't panic (in a very panicky voice!), although she was unaware of this, I think.

Through spending time with my dog, she no longer runs like a headless chicken, screaming and flapping about, which is a result.

Her mum tried to deal with it by avoiding dogs , or picking her up and moving her out of the way, till I asked her how her daughter would cope when she's bigger, if she was walking home from school and saw a dog walking towards her. Probably by being so panicked that she'd run into the road, I suggested. She dealt with it then.

I know I'm going on (and on) but don't let your daughter's anxieties get out of hand, OP! If she's aware that animals need to be shut away when she enters a house, that is sending her a strong message that they are bad and to be feared, and that she should not be near them.

I have two cats.
Anyone that comes to the house, anyone at all, I ask if they mind cats and usually they are shut out before the person arrives.

My cats don't even like strangers but I'd hate for anyone to feel uncomfortable in my home.

OP, YANBU!

I don't think the dog should be killed. I didn't say that. According to the mother who was in the room, the child simply walked past the dog. According to the owner, who wasn't in the room, it must in some way have been the toddlers fault . Family members (dog owners) had been using its squeaky toy to amuse the baby a while earlier.

I do agree though that I need to start introducing DCs to dogs. I can no longer bear the family ones though. And a detail that came u

Oops. A detail that came u

Up in a previous post was dogs being fed scraps. Two of the family dogs climb on the table to eat. Absolutely minging.

YANBU. Pet owners can be very irrational.

People come first, every time. If you think your DCs won't be safe keep them away. I can't understand people who put dogs before family. Weird.

Are you the only one with children or the only parent who's concerned?

Why are all gatherings held in this persons house?

Dogs and children just don't mix IMO. My DH and his ex had a lovely little dog. Family pet, friendly to everyone, wouldn't hurt a fly etc etc. one day when dss was toddling, it ran in the room and bit him for no reason. DH was there, nothing happened to aggravate the 'friendly' dog he just decided to bite dss. He has a scar from it, but luckily, no major injury.

DH no longer likes animals around kids. Why would you take a risk when it can be prevented?

YANBU - Don't understand the 'my house, my rules, fuck you' brigrade - it's like what your dad says when you still live 'under his roof'.

Surely family gatherings are more about opening your house to other people. Hosting requires taking some of other peoples wishes/needs into account and accommodating them? Like getting a certain drink in because others like it even if you don't or offering a veggy alternative.

Sorry you feel isolated OP but it doesn't sound like they're worth the effort. I feel your pain though, my ILs have dogs and I'm severely allergic (hospitalized on many occasions) but they won't put them away so they don't get to see my Ds much and we don't live near my family . Just don't get it

YADNBU!!! I personally can't stand dogs- I'm not afraid of them but I don't want them near me or my DCs.

I agree with you that dogs should never be left around young children, they don't have the awareness to know not to act excitedly/go too close. It's completely irresponsible no matter how friendly the animal is supposed to be.

IMO dogs are filthy animals- they drool, wee all over the garden and eat their own mess. I don't want that near my DC and I don't want their hair all over our clothes.

The thought of people letting them on their furniture and even in their beds makes me feel a bit sick. I am obviously not a dog lover but I purposely avoid people's houses who have dogs because of the germs.

I can totally see your point!

I don't want their hair all over our clothes

It's a bit like the "dog friendly hotel" thing, isn't it? Personally I think it's great that some places allow folks to take their pet with them, just so long as they make this very clear so that those against can avoid it if we choose

It wouldn't be the first time I've stayed in an hotel where the bed has been covered in dog hair - and this in a place that's supposed to accept no animals. Apparently they made an exception because the dog was "so well trained and never gets on the furniture, oh dear me no" ... except that we've all probably heard that too many times before

This is why kids get bitten, because owners just can not act responsibly with their dogs.
How strange you're getting YABU, when you've stated the fact that the dog has gone for another child in your OP.
fWIW, I have dogs and have always had dogs, if children and family come around, obviously the dogs are around the family, but to have a dog which has already snapped at a young child around is both unfair on the dog who must be stressed and the child., and totally irresponsible of the owners.
Let other family members take their chances.

last year we were all bitten to death in a holiday house by fleas in the carpet from a previous guest's beloved mutt - as it was MIL who suffered the most, we strongly suspect the mutt had also been allowed to sleep on the bed in the single room that she was in.

we actually SAW fleas leap out of the rug onto MILs leg while she was watching tv in the lounge!

The agents and owners did not seem too bothered when we reported it to them, said they would do a deep clean and get rid of the rug before next guests arrived, but maybe they didn't, and maybe it was their own mutts that were the problem.

I don't think yabu about the snappy dog or the food, dcs running around eating near dogs is a bad idea, I am a dog owner and I always made my dcs sit at the table when eating, partly because of dogs and partly because we ate out regularly and I can't stand to see children running round eating food.

They should put the dog that snapped away next time, if they won't then just don't visit, they don't sound very nice anyway.

I had a neighbour complain about my dog always growling at her dd for no reason once, then I saw her poking my dog in the face with a plastic wand through the gate! Also my mums dog once snapped at my small cousin, because she shoved a pencil up her nose!

Nobody has the right to go into another persons home. Their home, their rules. If you don't like it, don't go.

They should put the dog away. Yanbu.

Nobody has the right to go into another persons home.

The OP hasn't given any indication that she feels she has a right of entry to anyone's home.

She's feeling upset, excluded, insulted and isolated and is asking if she's Bu to request that the dogs are put away.

You aren't being unreasonable. Dogs and children need close supervision, and if it's not going to happen (for example at a busy family gathering) then it's best for all concerned to keep the dogs separate. If my dog had previously snapped at a child I would be on edge and unable to relax if the dog was running loose and would offer to shut them behind a stair gate or in another room. For the dog to have snapped in the first place, it must have felt threatened and stressed, so I would not want to risk my dog feeling like that again. Especially as there doesn't seem to have been a clear trigger for the dog snapping at the toddler in the first place, I don't see how the owners could have any clue as to whether it would happen again.

I feel sorry for you.
I presume that the next gathering at yours, that the person will not bring their dogs?

Late to this but I feel terribly sorry for your dog. You would put your dog down if she had "nearly bitten a child". There is a world of difference between "nearly" biting and actually biting. This coupled with the fact that your dog "allows my 11 month old to do pretty much anything to her". You need to control your child around your dog.

@Clarabelle0912 Do you know this thread is ten years old?