Calling Social Services or not?

[CrocsAreJustPlainUgly]

Having this discussion with my DP he thinks SS should be called, I however am not sure and think it may be acting hastily.

I have a friend who has a DD she's 2.4 We've been friends for 7+ years had our DC's a week apart they see each other every day nearly. however I've been noticing things steadily going down hill.

Say for instance her DD runs off she'll tell her to come her and she won't she'll carry on running after a couple more times of her saying it she'll go get her whether that means running or walking a few steps when she gets there she'll crouch down to her hight grab both her arms by her shoulders and you can see how tightly she has her and she'll shout Don't run away. She'll then either grab her wrist and take her to the car but she'll be walking so fast her DD's legs will be moving so fast and barely touching the ground and not keeping up or she'll pick her up carry her and chuck/drop her into the car seat and her DD will be crying.

Not going to lie her DD cries an awful lot, and practically at anything and everything if she isn't given a sweet when someone else it, or if someone else has a toy and she wants one, if someone has a drink and she doesn't IYSWIM.. So when she does this she'll push her away, she'll fall over and cry more so she'll push her again and the same will happen. She'll tell her to 'shut up' or to 'go away' sometimes to 'fuck off'

These are only a few things she does sometimes if she's climbing on her, the table, sofa's etc she'll give her what I cam only describes as a 'Gibbs' Slap, Like in NCIS when Gibbs slapps DiNossa on the back of the head.

But she's now started to do these things outside of the home, we went to the beach the other day and her DD didn't want to walk (we'd only been walking 10 minutes) she was texting and her DD was just standing there screaming, crying and shouting at her to pick her up, she stood their for 10 minutes and told her to 'get here now' and of course she didn't so in the end she went over and grabbed her and was pratically dragging her by the wrist, her DD's legs couldn't keep up telling her to 'fucking walk properly'. It's embarrassing and people stair at her and I just took my DD up ahead and was talking to her.

All the while she carried on texting, WWYD? AIBU? Should she be reported? I wouldn't want her to know it was me and I don't think she deserves to have her DD taken off of her and she does love her but I get worried about going out with her in case she does this and people stare cause when they stare she just goes What?! Take a picture or something

I don't know what to do

I'm sorry I evidently can't please some of you despite reporting it. So please if you feel that you can do so much bloody better than I'd happily swap so I'd be out of this situation and you can wave your wands and make her in to a wonderful parent
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Buts she hasn't contacted the appropriate authority.... Social Services are the right authority. Op get in touch with them and provide full details.

TBF, I couldn't give a flying fuck about the childs mother. She can take care of herself. The child needs protecting!

Little I've already said ffs the NSPCC HAVE passed this on to SS!!!!!!! SS Have been informed with all the information that I have provided!!!

I can only think that you're getting a flaming because it's such a difficult subject OP, nobody likes to think of a child being treated badly. Any poster having a go at you is upset at the thought of a child in distress and outrage at the mum rather than getting at you personally (they don't know you for a start).

Posters asking why you're still friends with her is the same, the thought of watching someone treat their DC like that in front of you is unbearable. You say you've tackled her about it, but it's difficult to understand how you're able to separate the person she is with her DD and the one you know as an adult friend.

That's not to say I think you should give her the brush off, at least her DD has someone there who has some perspective.

Have you thought about how you're going to deal with it all when she tells you that SS have been round? (if they investigate (if they don't will you go back to them?))

I'd probably lie through my teeth even if asked outright whether I knew who told them, may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, but it's probably not good advice.

little the SS have been made aware.

I would have called them directly but I know the duty number off by heart. Most people do NOT know what to do and posters are always recommending the NSPCC on MN.

So it is understandable that the OP called them.

Whatever you feel about this situation I think it is unlikely to be a priority for SS. A child being treated roughly and a stressed mother are not going to attract a flying squad.

If the friend is like this in public and with neighbours hopefully there are enough other people she would suspect have reported her. OP should be prepared but take some confidence from this hopefully.

I said I was a neighbour and for a while I've been hearing her shout at her DD, Seen her in the communal car park etc she has loads of neighbours who have said to her "is everything alright as we heard you yelling at your DD this morning" and she say's "yeah everything fine :) was just the TV we like it loud".

If/when she tells me I'll be lying through my teeth no doubt. If I told her the truth she'd never speak to me and I'd never see her DD so I won't be able to make sure she's okay.

Good post zigzag. I keep thinking how I would react if this happened in front of me. It's baffling.

Crocs, glad social services have been alerted. Someone did this for my son (he's adopted) and I am so thankful, there are no words to express it.
If your friend is not proven to be neglectful hopefully social services can offer her support.

Don't worry too much Crocs, I really don't think she would suspect you first.

I'm trying not to worry I'd be devastated if she cut me out of her DD's life. our DC's get on well together.

If it turns out like Devere says and SS aren't interested in what you've reported (will your friend definitely tell you if they do?), maybe you can call back (the NSPCC if you don't feel comfortable calling SS) and go into more detail?

Hearing a neighbour shouting at their child isn't even in the same ballpark as watching a mum do what you've described.

The thing to keep in your mind is that it isn't you doing anything to her DD, you might have a responsibility to try and change what's going on, but you haven't hurt her and only have her welfare at heart.

Sounds like you're being a brilliant friend to someone who is really not coping with being a lone parent, OP, now that her baby has turned into a whiny disobedient 2 year old. V glad this little girl has got you in her life. Can you find a parenting class to maybe try together, or tackle your friend about why she seems to be finding life tough and is taking it out on her dd? What kind of parenting did she have herself?

You know this woman well- is she a cruel person, or just an unhappy mum at the end of her tether do you think?

I stated that I saw her drag her across the car park etc. everything here.

She won't attend baby groups/clubs she'll never go to parenting classes. I don't know she can be quite angry and gets annoyed VERY easily will be in a mood with you for days if you've annoyed her. Her family are lovely always helping her with money, material things, child care etc

Op.this isn't a personal attack aimed at you, this is about that little toddler! I am (was) fully aware you contacted NSPCC and what they said to you. My point is you should have also contacted SS direct. If your "friend" is doing what she does to this little toddler in front of you and others, god only knows what that poor little child is going through behind closed doors.

I find it difficult to understand why anyone would hesitate in contacting SS under theses circumstances.

Crocs, I think that you have been criticised here because your posts suggest that you do not have a reasonable perspective of what is abusive and what is not: that apparent ignorance is very scary for those of us who feel like we have a fuller understanding of the damage caused to children who suffer from the kind of abuse you have described.

For a bit of perspective: dc4 is 2 1/4; he has never, not on one single occasion, been spoken to or touched crossly. I can go so far as to say, with confidence, that I have never, not on one single occasion, even felt angry at him. Why would I? He's only a baby. He has only ever been spoken to kindly; touched lovingly; smiled at; kissed and cuddled. He could be under absolutely no doubt whatsoever that he is loved completely. Now compare that with your friends poor little dd. I'm not surprised she cries all of the time - her life is absolutely shit.

You should have called the SS the first time you saw your friend push her baby and injure her. I'm glad you have done something now, but I'm concerned that you said earlier that you "only gave the names and the area they live in" to the NSPCC, and then, after several posters criticised you, claimed to have given their full address/dob/your telephone number. I don't believe that you gave all of this information.

Ring the SS in the morning and give them ALL of information you have.

You can think what you.

I will not be calling anyone in the morning. SS know it's been referred, they're doing their jobs End of.

"SS know it's been referred"

How do you know what SS know; you haven't bastard spoken to them!

I'm going to presume that you're pissed and log off.

Poor poor baby.

Well unless NSPCC lie they're referred it!! As I said.

I KNOW what I have done, information I have given. you know very little in regards to this

Thank you for trying to help this child OP. 40 years ago I was that little girl. I believe that emotional abuse can be the worst - physical wounds heal and are forgotten relatively quickly, emotional wounds may never heal. I cannot form friendships, I cannot go on dates or have my own family. I have no 'life' - it's too late for me, but not for this little girl. If you can be a friend to her while waiting for SS- it will mean a great deal to her.

I hope it turns out not to be too late for you NaughtyCat

It's not reasonable of you to criticise people for knowing very little in regards to this when you are the person with the information and you have given conflicting accounts of what NSPCC have been told, by you.

Thank you AgentZigzag I accept what I am (subhuman) and the life I have. I have my cats. It is enough.

To grow up in constant fear, feeling unloved and rejected is awful. Soon she will be at school/nursery and even at that young age she will realize how different and desolate her life is compared to her peers. She will see parents pick up their children - hug them, kiss them, love them. Whilst she gets a smack :(

It's not reasonable for people to come on here read pp where I said I have told them to then be told I haven't.

As I said I know what I have told them. End of. If you don't believe it then hide the thread and move on.