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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Calling Social Services or not?

261 replies

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 17/07/2014 17:06

Having this discussion with my DP he thinks SS should be called, I however am not sure and think it may be acting hastily.

I have a friend who has a DD she's 2.4 We've been friends for 7+ years had our DC's a week apart they see each other every day nearly. however I've been noticing things steadily going down hill.

Say for instance her DD runs off she'll tell her to come her and she won't she'll carry on running after a couple more times of her saying it she'll go get her whether that means running or walking a few steps when she gets there she'll crouch down to her hight grab both her arms by her shoulders and you can see how tightly she has her and she'll shout Don't run away. She'll then either grab her wrist and take her to the car but she'll be walking so fast her DD's legs will be moving so fast and barely touching the ground and not keeping up or she'll pick her up carry her and chuck/drop her into the car seat and her DD will be crying.

Not going to lie her DD cries an awful lot, and practically at anything and everything if she isn't given a sweet when someone else it, or if someone else has a toy and she wants one, if someone has a drink and she doesn't IYSWIM.. So when she does this she'll push her away, she'll fall over and cry more so she'll push her again and the same will happen. She'll tell her to 'shut up' or to 'go away' sometimes to 'fuck off'

These are only a few things she does sometimes if she's climbing on her, the table, sofa's etc she'll give her what I cam only describes as a 'Gibbs' Slap, Like in NCIS when Gibbs slapps DiNossa on the back of the head.

But she's now started to do these things outside of the home, we went to the beach the other day and her DD didn't want to walk (we'd only been walking 10 minutes) she was texting and her DD was just standing there screaming, crying and shouting at her to pick her up, she stood their for 10 minutes and told her to 'get here now' and of course she didn't so in the end she went over and grabbed her and was pratically dragging her by the wrist, her DD's legs couldn't keep up telling her to 'fucking walk properly'. It's embarrassing and people stair at her and I just took my DD up ahead and was talking to her.

All the while she carried on texting, WWYD? AIBU? Should she be reported? I wouldn't want her to know it was me and I don't think she deserves to have her DD taken off of her and she does love her but I get worried about going out with her in case she does this and people stare cause when they stare she just goes What?! Take a picture or something

I don't know what to do

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 18/07/2014 06:51

Reading this broke my heart. That poor little toddler doesnt desearve this. Get in touch with SS Op.

VerityWaves · 18/07/2014 06:58

Not NSPCC SS.

Questionsquestionsquestions123 · 18/07/2014 07:03

Just ring social services, you can remain anonymous. Do not have to give your details.

ceres · 18/07/2014 07:52

op - I am a cp social worker. you need to report this to ss.

you say you are reluctant to do so because you are fearful this may make the situation worse for the child - tell the duty social worker this.

you do not have to give your name, you have the right to report anonymously.

by not reporting you are colluding with the physical and emotional abuse of a toddler. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. but that is what it is.

lunar1 · 18/07/2014 08:08

The poor little girl, let's hope the nspcc get social services in ASAP.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/07/2014 08:37

I was going to say the same as ceres, if you're worried about the girl after you've reported you need to tell SS this. It's important they know she could be at further risk. Regardless though, reporting is the right thing to do.

Not saying anything is why children get missed. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility.

greenbananas · 18/07/2014 08:58

Calling the nspcc is a start but you also need contact social services directly. Please do it today.

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 18/07/2014 09:50

NSPCC have stated they are going to contact SS. I don't need to do a thing I was told this by themselves.

OP posts:
MrsSquirrel · 18/07/2014 10:51

Well done Crocs, you have done the right thing. Thanks

VerityWaves · 18/07/2014 11:22

Well done crocs. You spoke up for a child who had no means to. You were her voice.

This thread has really upset me. Poor little soul.

littlewhitebag · 18/07/2014 11:45

NCPCC refer on to SS if needed. It looks like they will do that in this case.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/07/2014 12:27

I'm glad to hear you've spoken to the NSPCC and they will refer it on.

Thanks

Original poster
CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 18/07/2014 12:38

I only gave the names and the area they live in

OP posts:
Itsfab · 18/07/2014 15:53

Pathetic

You just gave them extra work when you could have told them exact names and where they live.

littlewhitebag · 18/07/2014 15:57

crocs Why would you only give them that? It will take hours of valuable SW time to track them down. That is so counter productive.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 18/07/2014 16:00

But you know where they live.

You havent given full information, I dont understand why you would do that?

mathanxiety · 18/07/2014 16:08

Crocs, please call them back and tell them the address.

This child is being abused, daily, and it is an urgent matter.

(It is very possible she has been sexually abused while in the 'care' of her bio father too.)

You do not have to give your name or any details about yourself, but you should give NSPCC more details so SS can step in asap

mathanxiety · 18/07/2014 16:11

I understand your concern that the mother will only get worse if she finds herself under scrutiny.

SS will be able to decide based on interviewing the mother what sort of a prospect she is for rehab as a parent.

But if you have not given a lot of details about the treatment this child is getting it is possible they will miss something. How much detail did you give about the abuse?

mathanxiety · 18/07/2014 16:13

You know the NSPCC have said they will refer it to SS. This doesn't happen every time someone calls NSPCC. The matter is therefore serious. So please call back and give the address.

Itsfab · 18/07/2014 16:16

If you are worried about her reaction should she know you reported her abuse how the hell do you think her child feels?

Lagoonablue · 18/07/2014 16:21

Report it. Poor child.

SpringItOn · 18/07/2014 16:22

She's not worried about her reaction. Read what the OP has written.

She's worried she'll take it out on her daughter. Which is a real possibility. I'm sure SS are used to dealing with it though unfortunately. Well done for reporting OP. it can't have been an easy thing to do.

Lagoonablue · 18/07/2014 16:25

Just caught up with this. Why have you only given them half the info. They need date of birth and address. Just ring childrens services up.

andsmile · 18/07/2014 16:26

Sorry if this has been said but OP is able to remain annoymaus in all this, there is chance that she can support this women and therefore the child.

Or will the child be removed Sad/Hmm

Nancy66 · 18/07/2014 16:27

Your friend sounds horrible - she is physically and mentally abusing a baby.

You don't sound a lot better to be perfectly honest.