Calling Social Services or not?

[CrocsAreJustPlainUgly]

Having this discussion with my DP he thinks SS should be called, I however am not sure and think it may be acting hastily.

I have a friend who has a DD she's 2.4 We've been friends for 7+ years had our DC's a week apart they see each other every day nearly. however I've been noticing things steadily going down hill.

Say for instance her DD runs off she'll tell her to come her and she won't she'll carry on running after a couple more times of her saying it she'll go get her whether that means running or walking a few steps when she gets there she'll crouch down to her hight grab both her arms by her shoulders and you can see how tightly she has her and she'll shout Don't run away. She'll then either grab her wrist and take her to the car but she'll be walking so fast her DD's legs will be moving so fast and barely touching the ground and not keeping up or she'll pick her up carry her and chuck/drop her into the car seat and her DD will be crying.

Not going to lie her DD cries an awful lot, and practically at anything and everything if she isn't given a sweet when someone else it, or if someone else has a toy and she wants one, if someone has a drink and she doesn't IYSWIM.. So when she does this she'll push her away, she'll fall over and cry more so she'll push her again and the same will happen. She'll tell her to 'shut up' or to 'go away' sometimes to 'fuck off'

These are only a few things she does sometimes if she's climbing on her, the table, sofa's etc she'll give her what I cam only describes as a 'Gibbs' Slap, Like in NCIS when Gibbs slapps DiNossa on the back of the head.

But she's now started to do these things outside of the home, we went to the beach the other day and her DD didn't want to walk (we'd only been walking 10 minutes) she was texting and her DD was just standing there screaming, crying and shouting at her to pick her up, she stood their for 10 minutes and told her to 'get here now' and of course she didn't so in the end she went over and grabbed her and was pratically dragging her by the wrist, her DD's legs couldn't keep up telling her to 'fucking walk properly'. It's embarrassing and people stair at her and I just took my DD up ahead and was talking to her.

All the while she carried on texting, WWYD? AIBU? Should she be reported? I wouldn't want her to know it was me and I don't think she deserves to have her DD taken off of her and she does love her but I get worried about going out with her in case she does this and people stare cause when they stare she just goes What?! Take a picture or something

I don't know what to do

Her chilld isn't high needs!

Crocs, your friend is not a mother, she is an abuser. Just imagine what you'd be saying if this was her boyfriend doing this, you'd be calling it abuse then. Help the child, call SS

But what do I say? What If they ask who I am?

crocs i'd say a child that crys all the time and is very demanding is high needs.

I'm not saying that its not because of a form of abuse that the child is like this.

Tell them! Why are you so scared of her finding out you reported her? Do you really want an ongoing friendship with her?
Or, if you must, remain anonymous but know that what you report will carry less weight than if you said it openly.

You can ask to remain anonymous. They wont push you. They may ask if they could have your details for the allocated social worker to speak too but will promise to keep them confidential but they wont make you give your details. Or be judgemental of you.

In respect of what you say. All you need to do is find the number for your local social services, ring it, say
"I am worried about a child that I know" and they have a series of questions to ask which will get all the information they need.

You can anonymously.

Are you worried about how she will react? As that really shouldn't be your priority. She won't know it's you. Just tell them what you've told us.

Yes report.

If mother behaves like this in public she will be behaving far worse with her DD at home.

Welfare of child is paramount.

Child is verbally abused and emotionally abused from the description of your account.

That poor little girl. PLEASE report this. Stop worrying about yourself and do it.

Absolutely report.

The abuse is escalating. V dangerous.

Report now anonymously.

You say she doesnt have a hv, so would you perhaps be more comfortable to speak to your own hv, explain whats going and that you feel she needs support? Then a hv would probably see her first (they could even use the excuse of its just come to their attention that she and her her dd are in there area and havent seen a hv), then they could involve ss.

Why are you more concerned about whether your friend thinks it was you than you are about this child?

You can walk away from this whenever you choose. This little girl doesn't have that option.

Who the FUCK would applaud someone for pushing their small child and causing her to bang her head on concrete?

OP you must call, that poor little child. I wish I could help her.

This is so unbelievably, gut wrenchingly sad. I have a spare room.

ThisisBULLSHIT, I think the OP means that her family member was appalled, not that they applauded.

I never said I was more worried about myself I've tried to intervene when I am there if she gets spoken to by SS/HV I fear what reaction she will give out.

not applaud This Appalled my phone changed it

Please don't let your fear of her reaction stop you from reporting this. Please be brave on behalf of the little girl involved.

She seems to have gotten in a bad dynamic with her daughter. The way she is reacting will be affecting her daughters behaviour and vice versa. She may need some parenting classes and anger management classes. They wouldn't necessarily remove her but would help the mum cope better and hopefully keep an eye on things. Obviously I don't know which area you are in but it's probably best to get their advice and you can do it anonymously.

If you really fear her reaction then the hv is probably the best option - they dont even have to say they are there to assess concerns just to meet her as she hasnt had a hv. Then once there they can carefully chat to her and make a judgement on what needs to happen.

But she won't do those things when a HV/SS is there. That's the thing She's said before she is sure her neighbours can hear her shout at her DD

Of course she won't. But it will let her know that how she is dealing with her DD is unacceptable and may prompt her to make changes or ask for support. SW will ask a lot of probing questions. They won't just accept what she says at face value.

Please stop making excuses, OP. Pick up the phone and report your worries.

Children's services/child protection teams are trained to deal with this. You are not. Tell them what you have seen have seen and let them decide what action to take.

Mulling over what to do on mumsnet is not taking action. If you don't do anything you are complicit in the abuse of a vulnerable child who seems to have nobody to speak up for her

Stop making excuses op youre almost as bad as the mother why does this little girl have to live like this? Because youre afraid to pick up the phone and ask someone to help this tiny little girl?

Look, I came from a family where a "clip over the ear" would happen every couple of months. It was a heavy hand to the head and it really bothered me. If someone had managed to stop my father doing this when he lost his rag, I would have if nothing else felt vindicated.

In the end (and I didn't realise this till recently) my mum gave him an ultimatum and said, if you can't manage your temper, then I'll have you out until they have left home - I won't stand for it any more.

They/he were otherwise "good" parents, they did the best they could, I was at times trying, but nobody should have to put up with that. I agree that a smack on the bum over clothes is not a child protection issue (though I don't do any form of smacking myself). However, this probably will not get better with age, but worse.

Call someone and see what happens. Distance yourself if you have to. She may cope better when the child is older but she may not, its worth a mention.