To not want to see SIL ever again!!!

[han3459]

My SIL and I have always differed completely on how we raise our DDs. Both of our eldest girls are 12 and it's become a constant issue between us.

Whilst SIL is a controlling psycho stricter parent (in my opinion), I am much more relaxed with my DD. For example, I let my DD wear some make up, paint her nails, has two ear piercings and occasionally will go on trips to town with her friends. I try to let my DD have some independence by letting her make decisions such as what to wear (within reason), choosing the activities she wants to participate in, and how to spend her pocket money.

SIL totally disagrees with most of these and has made this known on many occasions. She refuses to let DD go anywhere without adult supervision, won't let her wear anything she doesn't like and is totally anti any kind of make up/hair straightening etc. I do feel sorry for my DN as she is constantly not allowed to do things my DD can do, which must be hard for her.

I totally understand people have different ways of raising their children and DD is respectful of different rules in other people's houses. However, my SIL is constantly criticizing me and my DD in front of us about parenting which drives me insane.

Lately things have got much worse. A few weeks ago, SIL and BIL took DN and DD out for the day. When they stopped at a restaurant, SIL repeatedly told off DD for eating with her cutlery the wrong way round and forced her to use them the other way. I could not care less which way she uses them as long as she doesn't use her fingers and was furious as DD said she struggled to eat her meal. When I rang SIL about this, she said it was my fault for not teaching her proper social etiquette.

The last straw was a few days ago. SIL and DN came over as we were planning a family trip out. My DD was wearing a knee length dress with some mid calf length boots. It was a very cute little outfit in my opinion. However, SIL instantly made her opinion that it was inappropriate and asked my DD to change because she didn't want her daughter to thing it was an acceptable way to dress.

This led to an absolutely huge row, with SIL storming out after I refused to tell DD to change. I am so sick of having to put up with the constant judgement from her and don't think it's fair on my DD to be criticized all the time. I do feel for my DN but AIBU to stop seeing SIL so often??? All it causes is stress

Wow, a 2 year old with colourful nails. The world will implode.

My 2 year old gets nail polish as her 4 year old sister requests it. 2 year old doesn't give a shit about nail polish but can't understand why she's not getting the attention too.

Absolutely no bloody make up at 4 or 2 or hopefully until they leave home.

It is bad for the skin and the message about dressing your features to make yourself acceptable is a bit shit.

My point was - make up on a 12 year old is yuck and bad for her self esteem. I tempered my view by saying I'm not over bearing as I allow nail polish on my toddler.

You could read the post....?

I am a fucking shite mother. Im actually at work right now. Evil.

I disagree that makeup is bad for the skin. I find that people who always wear makeup have better skin in their 40s and 50s than people who always go without. It provides a layer of protection and the good ones are formulated to nourish the skin.

My 13 year old daughter avoided makeup as had been told it's bad for the skin. She developed spots last year, and I bought her a a good foundation and the spots immediately improved (not just the appearance but the occurrence). I help her by checking her face for tide marks after she's applied it - she doesn't use it every day.

My younger daughter's best friend has a larger collection of makeup than I do (and mine's quite big) but she has ambitions on being a makeup artist and practices on my daughter and others and is actually really good. Adds colour and subtle shadows and creates different looks without being garish or tarty. They have no awareness of boys at the moment and it is purely for fun as it's a passion of her friend. They're 10/11/12. They will occasionally go out wearing it and I really can't see the harm.

Some people may tut privately but I haven't heard any bad comments. I disagree that it is sexualising children - that's like saying that putting pink clothes on a girl is sexualising them. Girls are more prone to wanting to be thought of as pretty, and I don't think that denying girls who do have that urge to use makeup prolongs their childhood in any way.

In allowing kids to express themselves (within reason) without judgement, I think you make them less self conscious about appearance. There is also nothing wrong with NOT wearing make up. Live and let live.

Just to add - Obviously I also bought my 13yr old acne stuff such as face washes, creams and other spot things as well, which she also uses, but the improvement only came when she started using the foundation.

I also find that the idea that if two mothers are together, they have to follow the same rules with their children.

When my daughter was small I shared a house with another single mother who had a little boy of nearly the same age. Of course we had different rules for our children and they tried to exploit the differences to their own advantage, but they got used to it. Every family has different rules.

We don't tell 10-12 boys that they have to paint their face to make it look different. Therefore it is something that creates a divide. 12 seems very early for this divide to appear.

It is fundamentally creating an idea in teenage girls heads that they need to cover themselves and look different.

I have sympathy with the acne though - I had it in my twenties and started using foundation for the first time then to try and save my self confidence.

OMG - holding a knife and fork the other way around is hardly bad etiquette.

What about company do's? So she switches them around as she picks them up - deary oh dear!
Pick your battles!

I wear my watch on my right wrist.
Should I be hung, drawn and quartered?

The American way of using a knife and fork is actually derived from an older European way.

www.chow.com/food-news/62024/should-i-cut-my-steak-like-a-brit/

In the US, it is considered perfectly acceptable for left-handed people to do it opposite from the way right-handed people do it. It is even possible to be elected president eating in the left-handed manner.

Pictish, my five year old has glittery toenails too. Blue and sparkly.