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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about the breastfeeding cafe in Cheltenham?

349 replies

NotNewButNameChanged · 17/07/2014 11:41

Sorry if someone has already done this but I haven't spotted it if so.

I live in Cheltenham and there is a café proudly displaying a sign saying:

"Breastfeeding mums. Pop in and have a free cup of tea if you need a pit stop. No need to eat, no need to ask - please relax Smile"

I am very torn about this. On the one hand, it's great to be supportive of breastfeeding and we know it is illegal to discriminate against breastfeeding mums. But on the other, it's basically discriminating against mums who either can't breastfeed or choose not to. Somehow makes me feel that it's saying breastfeeding mothers are more important and deserving than other mothers.

Am I being unreasonable in being torn?

OP posts:
MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 17/07/2014 23:07

No, TheOriginal, they are doing what is right for them.

HaroldLloyd · 17/07/2014 23:08

The cafe I think she was on about. Not the feeders.

TheXxed · 17/07/2014 23:08

BF mothers are not starting threads demanding free teddies and accusing SMA of discrimination.

Its a nice for them to do, even if your not on the receiving end, you could try to be happy for BF mums who get a free cup of tea in this heatwave.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 17/07/2014 23:09

(oh and you don't have to formula feed to get the formula feeding goodies, just sign up to the mailing list. I got the cow when I was about 14 weeks pregnant, DD loves it Grin )

LizLimone · 17/07/2014 23:09

I ended up formula feeding after 6 weeks of miserable bf failure and I wouldn't have a problem with this sign. I would see it as welcoming to all mothers with babies. No one ever gets shirty about bottle feeding in public anyway so being explicit about welcoming FF mothers is not really am issue.

HaroldLloyd · 17/07/2014 23:10

You know you probably don't even need to breastfeed to get the cuppa.

Unless they do an inspection!

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 17/07/2014 23:11

Harold makes a good point... couldn't you just pop the baby's head against your boob and claim your cuppa?

wheresthelight · 17/07/2014 23:11

. No one ever gets shirty about bottle feeding in public anyway so being explicit about welcoming FF mothers is not really am issue.

Have you actually rtft!???

MrsMook · 17/07/2014 23:11

My DCs treated milk feeds as an endurance event, which can be awkward in a cafe long after a drink and snack ran out. Feeling encouraged to feed a baby in there would reduce that awkward feeling, and a free drink to start would probably still result in the same purchading being made after rather than eeking a drink out for the best part of an hour.

Comfy chairs with arm rests tend to be the winning factor. A corner for enrertaining bored siblings is a major bonus.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 23:12

Unless they do an inspection!

I'd actually really like to know how they do it!

I don't need to have words with myself. I want to be treated the same as any other mother, because I'm equal to any other mother.

TheXxed · 17/07/2014 23:14

We are all equal but our needs maybe different.

Igggi · 17/07/2014 23:15

Right well we'll get rid of any bottle warming facilities then shall we? In the interests of equality?

SquattingNeville · 17/07/2014 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresthelight · 17/07/2014 23:17

There are very fee places who allow bottle warming due to iinsurance and h&s issues so they are way ahead of you already

QueenTilly · 17/07/2014 23:17

Santana Did you get upset that you were being treated unequally at antenatal appointments, because the midwife treated you differently to the women at a different gestation?

Being treated the same as everyone else isn't the same as being treated equally.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 23:17

You don't need a free cup of tea to breastfeed, do you?

Expressed milk is heated up, so again, false argument.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 23:18

Did you get upset that you were being treated unequally at antenatal appointments, because the midwife treated you differently to the women at a different gestation?

Again, false argument. We would (health permitting) all reach the stages of gestation. What's that got to do with a CHOICE we make?

TheXxed · 17/07/2014 23:19

Do you know how thirsty a BF mum gets especially in this weather.

Absofrigginlootly · 17/07/2014 23:22

I'm so pleased squatting posted the UNICEF BF rates...I couldn't find them.

I think all the cafe was trying to say was that they are a place where BF mums will feel welcome and comfortable to BF. They are not saying that FF mums, OAPs, students, children, men or anyone else not specifically mentioned are not welcome and should fuck right off, and we judge you FF mums for yee be the devils spawn etc etc.

I guess a more 'diomatic' wording would be "all welcome, please feel free to breast or bottle feed your little ones. Happy to assist how we can (warm up bottle, free tap water etc)" but I think to be honest this was all implied in the tone of the sign anyway, and the fact that it had a smiley face at the end (I've seen the actual sign on a different site).

When it comes to feeding your baby, I think both bf and ff mums feel judged by their method of feeding to some extent. I understand that lots of ff mums feel judged or pressurised by health professionals for not bfing (I used to work in HVing, it was my job to talk to mums about this sort of thing so I got told by a LOT of ff mums that they felt his way), but the thing is, HV, midwives etc are there to promote health. The scientific evidence shows that BF is both better for babies and for mums. Health professionals have to advise you on what is supported by science/evidence.

Just as health profs have to tell you not to smoke, not to drink to excess, not to overeat junk etc etc...they are duty-bound to give you this information. I agree they should not give you this information in a judgey-pants sort of way...but they would be doing you a disservice if they did not advise you on the healthiest option.

The fact that this makes people feel guilty when they don't/can't follow this advice does not stop it being true. That is the point about facts. They are facts even if you choose not to believe them. I digress.....I think to some extent some FF mums carry a bit of guilt around because of this which does lead to being a little on the defensive when interpreting messages about BFing. But the fact is that BF is the healthier way of feeding your baby and should be encouraged/promoted wherever possible, as BF rates in the uk are appallingly low (not that formula milk isn't an excellent alternative!!!! And thank goodness for formula milk! I hasten to add! For think of all those poor babies who would have died/failed to thrive prior to its invention if they did not have such an alternative. For let's remember that formula milk is NOT poison!! It is a very sophisticated engineered feeding alternative...and let's be honest, when you walk down the street and look at the adults around you, who can tell who was BF or FF as a baby??!?!???!)

I think everyone needs to just let people get on with whatever they're doing and not judge. FF mums shouldn't be made to feel that their choices are looked down on, by anyone including BFing mums (who can sometimes be a bit judgey in my experience!!!!) just like BF mums shouldn't be made to 'apologise' for BFing or be made to feel so uncomfortable they have to do it in the f'king toilets!

Peace to all Grin

TheXxed · 17/07/2014 23:23

BF and FF mums have different needs, you need access to clean water, sterile bottles and formula. BF mums need extra calories and vitamins.

AlpacaYourThings · 17/07/2014 23:24

Why not say 'all parents welcome'?

But the counter argument to that would be "Am I not welcome because I am not a parent?"

You really cannot please everyone!

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 23:24

As someone pointed out upthread, if it was about being thirsty people with diabetes and other health conditions would get the free drink.

runes · 17/07/2014 23:25

Santana you are equal but you are not the same. I would go on to explain the differences between bf and ff but as several excellent points have already been made and ignored I think you would like to continue to be offended by something that most rational people simply view as a kind supportive gesture. I must get down from my glittery pedestal now and get myself a drink in preparation for my night feeding duties. No freebies here unfortunately, wonder who I should complain to.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QueenTilly · 17/07/2014 23:26

Nowt to do with choices, and no point capitalising it.

A female mammal that is lactating needs sufficient liquid intake to do it, because milk contains water. If you've brought made-up bottles of formula, you have dealt with the liquid component already. If you're breast-feeding or expressing, it's not dealt with already, and this cafe would like to encourage you to feel welcome. The needs are different.