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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about the breastfeeding cafe in Cheltenham?

349 replies

NotNewButNameChanged · 17/07/2014 11:41

Sorry if someone has already done this but I haven't spotted it if so.

I live in Cheltenham and there is a café proudly displaying a sign saying:

"Breastfeeding mums. Pop in and have a free cup of tea if you need a pit stop. No need to eat, no need to ask - please relax Smile"

I am very torn about this. On the one hand, it's great to be supportive of breastfeeding and we know it is illegal to discriminate against breastfeeding mums. But on the other, it's basically discriminating against mums who either can't breastfeed or choose not to. Somehow makes me feel that it's saying breastfeeding mothers are more important and deserving than other mothers.

Am I being unreasonable in being torn?

OP posts:
Bambamb · 17/07/2014 22:53

It's because you are in the majority. You don't need to look far to find plenty of support from a fellow FFer. Being in a minority automatically makes you more vulnerable and more in need of support. As does having to get your boobs out in public. You are in a much more vulnerable position and fellow mums should support, not gang up on. You may feel persecuted/victimised but being in the majority means you have strength in numbers. Give BF'ers a break. The vast majority of us do not judge you, you seem to be doing that yourself but laying the blame at BF'ers doors.

I'm off to bed. Have night feeds impending.

HaroldLloyd · 17/07/2014 22:54

I don't see the harm in it.

Freebies have to be limited, it's just trying to make breastfeeding woman feel comfy about going in.

I did feel self conscious in some places.

And breastfeeding didn't work out for me with DS1 and I was upset about it. But I wouldn't have begrudged by friend that BF at the same time a free cup of tea.

SquattingNeville · 17/07/2014 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 22:55

If you're that bothered about a free cup of tea then have one at home?

It's not the same to have a cup of tea at home. I think this is partly why I'm so against this. Having a cup of tea in a cafe, probably with a cake or whatever, is such a treat. I think it's wrong of this cafe to allocate treats on the basis of how you feed your child.

Igggi · 17/07/2014 22:55

Lots of supermarket cafés give out free baby food (puréed jars or pouches) with an adult meal. Does that discriminate against people doing baby-led weaning? And why shouldn't child-free adults get the extra food that my dcs get when we eat in Morrisons on a week night? How is it fair I get extra food just for bringing children with me?
They are all promotions: designed to increase custom. Businesses do that sort of thing.

WireCat · 17/07/2014 22:55

I bottle fed all three of mine

I think it's lovely.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 22:56

I don't think support equals freebies.

HaroldLloyd · 17/07/2014 22:57

Aptimil gave out free teddies though, that's a freebie related to feeding.

WireCat · 17/07/2014 22:57

Oh and mn promotes breast feeding. This cafe is doing the same. Yet it's wrong somehow.
I find the views on here utterly bizarre at times.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 22:58

Of course I'm taking it personally. If I went there, I would be charged (for something for me, not a baby product), and another mother wouldn't, because of the way she has chosen to feed her child. How else are you supposed to take it?

WireCat · 17/07/2014 22:59

It's a cup of tea though. Not a gold medal.

SquattingNeville · 17/07/2014 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 22:59

Promoting breastfeeding by giving support, advice, information etc- that's wonderful. It's totally different to what this cafe are doing.

HaroldLloyd · 17/07/2014 23:00

I doubt it was their intention to say oh breast feeders you are better mothers and we are going to give you team to reward you.

More so that they are thinking that people can feel a bit self conscious and want to make it plain it's supported and absolutely fine to feed in the cafe.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 23:00

It's a cup of tea though. Not a gold medal.

Bloody well feels like it with a young baby though Grin

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 17/07/2014 23:01

The thing is... why does there need to be a minority and a majority? Why can't we all just be feeding our babies and however we do that is right for us, hip hip hooray. The problem comes when some formula feeding mums feel expected to justify using formula, and in doing that, they insult breastfeeding - and some breastfeeding mothers seem so fixated on the fact that according to health professionals, they are doing the 'right' thing, that they cling to the divide between 'us' and 'them' at all costs.

And then we all get drawn into it, and a sign sends us all into this big argument. For a health visitor to tell me that formula feeding isn't the healthiest choice for my baby? Fine, that's their job. For a fellow parent to do it? Pointing out the bleeding obvious, and more than a little bit smug. And as for a sign in a cafe to offer a treat to breastfeeding mums and not to bottle-feeding mums... all it does is add to the 'us vs them'.

Why not say 'all parents welcome'? 'Feeding babies is welcomed here'? No free drinks - you'd have to buy them if you got thirsty in any other cafe, so it's not as if you'd be missing out - just a welcome to all.

WireCat · 17/07/2014 23:02

FYI I don't want to argue with anyone, but it's a terrible fuss about what is a nice thing.

TheXxed · 17/07/2014 23:03

santana you have been shown lots of examples of freebies being received by FF mums but you seem to be ignoring them.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 17/07/2014 23:03

But, sorry and all that, but they are doing the right thing!

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 23:04

Confused What would you like me to say about teddies, TheXXed?

HaroldLloyd · 17/07/2014 23:04

Wonder now they enforce it? No norks, no cuppa!

Surely you could just turn up with a baby and get one.

wheresthelight · 17/07/2014 23:05

Exactly moomin.

It's about feeding a baby. Just because you bf doesn't make you any more special than a ff mum. By deliberately making a distinction and putting bf on some holier than thou pedestal they and you are reinforcing the fact that there is a divide and one is considered superior.

All the sign needs to say is all parents are welcome to take a load off amd feed their child. The fact that they have made it specifically about bf has been done to inflame an arguement like this amd get themselves freepublicity.

HaroldLloyd · 17/07/2014 23:06

There have been people given crap in cafés for breastfeeding.

(Won't mention health spas!)

So it's just a gesture.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 23:06
runes · 17/07/2014 23:07

Santana you need to have a word with yourself. A discriminatory treat? Jesus wept Confused Bambamb spot on again. Here's a Brew for your night feeding dutiesWink