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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just sent wrong text to playdate horrors mother

451 replies

Fanfeckintastic · 15/07/2014 17:14

Oh please help me I'm mortified!! I've just had a play date from HELL and to I went to text my best friend (who would find it hilarious) all about it, outlined everything horrible that he did but I sent it to the little boys mother. I feel like crying.

Is there anyway out of this, I used him name and I ended with "never to return again" Blush

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 15/07/2014 17:50

No don't rush around with wine etc you've apologised there's not alot more you can do.

Viviennemary · 15/07/2014 17:50

Well the best thing in this situation is the royal one. Never apologise or even acknowledge you have done anything wrong. And if he's that bad the Mum probably knows anyway. I'd just carry on as normal and pretend you don't realise you sent it to her. It's the only way. Apologising will make things worse. IMHO.

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 15/07/2014 17:51

Yep, you owe her the wine and your time too.

I feel so very sorry for her. No one deserves an accidental text like this.

BluntForceTrauma · 15/07/2014 17:51

Get round to hers asap with a bunch of flowers and wine-sounds like she needs some support, someone she can off load onto.

Staywithme · 15/07/2014 17:51

I wonder how many of the people telling OP it's karma can say they've never, ever bitched on here about some one that's annoyed them? Even if you haven't started a thread I wonder if you've commented negatively about the person that those ops are complaining about in those threads. Is that not bitching? Surely telling someone that it's karma is in itself judgemental.

OP, nothing's going to get you out of this. I think you just have to go to the mum and apologise to her, saying you found the whole thing really stressful and needed to vent but shouldn't have done it. Tell her that you realise you should have spoken to her directly about the difficulties you have had on the play dates and if you want, or indeed, if she wants to continue being friends then ask her what you might be able to do to make the play dates easier.

HauntedNoddyCar · 15/07/2014 17:51

Can you invite her out for a drink and a chat to help her? And as an apology. Maybe she knows all this already and doesn't know what to do?

CeliaBowen · 15/07/2014 17:51

OP, you have the opportunity here to apologise face to face, have a good chat and see if there is anything you can do to help, even if it's just being a listening ear.

ginslinger · 15/07/2014 17:51

You're not the first person to bitch about children, you just got caught.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 15/07/2014 17:51

I'd give her a ring to be honest. And tell her she is not failing as a mum.

Original poster
Fanfeckintastic · 15/07/2014 17:51

I'm going around to her now! Thanks so much everyone really appreciate those of you who didn't condemn me for speaking honestly to a friend!!

OP posts:
I8toys · 15/07/2014 17:52

Poor woman - I would be motified to receive this and she obviously knows what her child is like from her response to you. You need to own up and not be two faced now its out in the open - nothing worse than backpedalling. Sounds like she needs a friend.

whois · 15/07/2014 17:52

Sending flowers is mega two faced!

As one of the first posters said, your embarrassment will fade really quite quickly. I had a group text fail in similar vein and it didn't take too longer to get over it.

I found the way to deal with it was honesty so is send something like:

"Oh my god that text wasn't meant for you (obviously)! Sorry for the language, but it was a pretty awful play date today. No malice meant and I certainly didn't mean to upset you."

UptheAnty · 15/07/2014 17:52

Awww, now there's a reach out if I ever heard of one.

op you'd be failing in your duty as a human if you did not go round immediately with wine and a kind ear.

Bloody hell, I know only to well how it feels to be the parent of "that" child.
Ostracised in the playground by the holier than thou crew, judged ,bitched about.
What I wouldn't have done for some support then or a bloody face to face conversation Sad

Go round, make it better for you both.

My dd is a dream adult and turned out beautifully. You'd never guess what a little shit she once was. Grin

rootypig · 15/07/2014 17:53

Because wine will make up for the fact you sent a vile sweaty text to her about her child??

For someone who's in need of support, yeah, I'd say it would.

OP, things work out oddly in this life. You've uncovered the fact that she could probably use some support. This could be the start of a lovely new friendship for both of you.

NickiFury · 15/07/2014 17:53

Oh that's Sad, her reply. I would just say "look he's lovely but quite hard work and it's been a long day, I am so sorry".

What nauseating goody goodies there are on this thread.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 15/07/2014 17:53

Blimey lots of self righteous karma believers today.

Good luck op.

I'm sure many of us have complained about play dates before.

lornemalvo · 15/07/2014 17:53

Oh no. Poor her. And as for you being terrible? I can't imagine anybody who could not find themselves in this situation. Unless some people don't tell their friends, OH's, siblings or parents anything. Hope it all works out.

WowserBowser · 15/07/2014 17:54

Yes - drive round with wine!

DeMaz · 15/07/2014 17:54

She obviously knows what her DS is like. She sounds lovely but maybe seeing it written it down by someone she knows was pretty tough.

She does need that wine.....and a hug, maybe?

NormalTea · 15/07/2014 17:54

yikes......

You've apologised. Now do nothing. Wait until it becomes less embarrassing. It will.

I won't tell you all the things I've done that were really embarrassing at the time, so much so that I burned thinking about them. But the intense embarrassment fades thankfully.

My son is a nightmare on playdates!! We don't really get in to that. But sometimes, people who think their children are very good are actually a lot of trouble. I had one child who divided and conquered my children, pit them against each other all the time. She would only eat 'normal' pasta. She told my children all their books etc were lame... but yet, she was very good! and when her mother collected her she said thank you but with the delusion insouciance of a mother that knows her child has been no trouble at all because she is so good.

MrsMcColl · 15/07/2014 17:55

I'd go round too, Fan. Bless you - most of us could have so easily been in your position. Hope you and she are able to have a good chat.

SouthernComforts · 15/07/2014 17:55

You don't sound horrible to me, a horrible person wouldn't be driving round to offer support.

IamSlave · 15/07/2014 17:55

op what did you say?

I would want to know if my DD was that naughty to be honest....

punter · 15/07/2014 17:55

I had a horrid DS at one stage during play dates - I was there as well, I knew he was being badly behaved and found it v upsetting, we worked on it and he responded well. But if someone had written the truth I would have been so upset twice over! Would have loved a chat and glass(es) of wine to talk it over, please support her if possible and you can then feel more positive about this error.

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 15/07/2014 17:55

I understand how everyone vents about others once in a while. But I don't get why some people seem to think that means op shouldn't feel guilty about causing so much pain to another person.

How can anyone just shrug and say 'oh well'.