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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell non RSVP party children they haven't got a place when they turn up?

137 replies

MrsOB · 13/07/2014 11:07

OK, long story short.

My DS party is today, sent invites out 4 weeks ago. Five non responses so I have only paid for the ones I know are coming. Cost is £17 per child.

Party venue needs parents to sign a waiver online.... I've just called venue to check they've been done and 3 children's parents have managed to go online to fill in waiver but not told me they are coming....

So, I've not got party bags or food for them, and I haven't paid for them.

When they turn up today at 3 I REALLY want to tell them that they didn't RSVP so there isn't a place for their child....

AIBU to do that?

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 13/07/2014 20:02

The invite had a line that said "RSVP to MrsOB by x date and the had my mobile and email address.

Did you check your spam folder?

WaitMonkey · 13/07/2014 20:16

Looking forward to the update.

JewelFairies · 13/07/2014 20:22

I'm with the OP and would turn children away. And don't get me started on siblings. Dd had a joint party with two other nursery girls and we crossed siblings off the list at the entrance because the venue had a maximum. It meant some parents who had the bloody cheek to add a non invited sibling to the list had to pay for the sibling in the end, because otherwise we could not have let invited children in.

Attended a party for a 4 year old last weekend and was practically frothing at the mouth when I saw a sibling twice the age of the birthday girl not only expecting a pre-ordered meal but taking up a place at the table so that an invited child had nowhere to sit!!
We did bring a sibling but I paid separately for myself and older dd and we were not part of the party, getting our own food and drink.
I'm done with parties and the bloody cheek of some parents.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 13/07/2014 20:29

I have 3 DC and have never had this problem with my DC's parties (bar the odd non replier, who I usually manage to chase up beforehand) so am amazed when I hear about parents sneaking extra siblings in etc. Mind boggling! Let us know how it went OP.

Athrawes · 13/07/2014 20:34

Maybe they thought that filling in the online form was a tacit acceptance?

Madamecastafiore · 13/07/2014 20:35

You should have one of the staff from the venue look all puzzled at a clip board and then tell them they aren't coming in as their name is not on the list.

Maybe follow it up with 'Are you sure you RSVP'd?'

Thomyorke · 13/07/2014 20:39

It only happened to me once when two children turned up without RSVP, luckily I had catered for them as their beautiful hand written RSVPs turned up two weeks later somehow lost through the classroom system. Since then I always choose food with an option choice and a date with text/mobile number only or a date for confirmation so booking can be finalised again text/mobile only.

UptheChimney · 13/07/2014 20:50

I am constantly amazed by the view that apparently expecting an RSVP and not including children whose parents don't RSVP is BU. It's completely reasonable to expect grown adults to show some manners ie RSVP to a invitation. What are they teaching their children?

So,OP you are entirely reasonable to turn them away, IMHO.

Ragwort · 13/07/2014 21:11

What sort of party costs £17 a head? And surely at that price there is absolutely no need to provide a party bag? Hmm.

ICanSeeTheSun · 13/07/2014 21:13

Ragwort is could be a £2 happy meal, it's nothing to do with the cost.

The issue is not RSVP.

Artandco · 13/07/2014 21:38

I've never RSVP to a party as can't say I have ever received one. Live in London. If I invite 10 I just cater for around 10 allowing for some not coming and siblings attending. I assuming siblings attend with most as know they will have to come if other child does

Original poster
MrsOB · 13/07/2014 21:52

Okay, update on what happened.

One non RSVP'er was already there when we arrived, parent had dropped off so I didn't get a chance to do my stern face and ask if there was space.

Second non RSVP'er turned up 40 minutes after party started - with Mum and sibling..... I explained that sibling definitely couldn't take part and that I'd have to check with venue if space for invitee. Looked like she had the hump with me but hey ho.

Third non RSVP'er didn't turn up.

At food time, sibling and parent of non RSVP1 arrived and sibling sat at table and helped self to food. Parent didn't say anything to me and I was too busy doing drinks and cake stuff to say anything.

Only part which was a bit uncomfortable was when the 2 non RSVP children realised their party bag didn't contain the party bag item and one of them was upset saying "I didn't get a loom kit" Hmm But I honestly didn't have time to go and buy anything (ordered kits online) and they did get some other stuff... I did feel a teeny bit bad at that point.

My DS had a fab time though and was unaware of the shenanigans!

I paid the extra £34... You all always knew I wouldSmile

My party hat is well and truly hung up - forever - and I'm enjoying a nice big glass of wine!!!

OP posts:
WaitMonkey · 13/07/2014 21:55

Enjoy the Wine . Am Shock at the parents and siblings of child one eating the food. Rude people.

MrsBungle · 13/07/2014 21:55

Aaa op we knew you'd let them in! Grin I never fail to be astounded at the cheek of some people!

QueenHaakonVII · 13/07/2014 22:08

The most important thing is that your DS had a fantastic time.

What are you planning for next year..........? Grin

Enjoy your Wine

Kewcumber · 13/07/2014 22:41

Next year OP is having a secret party - the location only given out to those who actually RSVP'd!

impatienceisavirtue · 13/07/2014 22:46

One year we received not one single RSVP for ds2's party.

Thankfully I always overdo catering type stuff and it was just a party at home as every bloody one of the fourteen turned up!!! I can totally understand your frustration and YANBU for feeling like you want to do what you suggest at all -it doesn't sound as if you're actually really considering doing it. You would BU for going through with it but I do understand your gut response.

Goofymum · 13/07/2014 23:00

I used to get het up about non responders but not any more. The numbers are not big enough to make a thing of. Yes, some people don't respond for whatever reason (oh, I thought my DH had texted you, that sort of thing). So maybe 3 turn up that hadn't responded? Suck it up. It's a kids party, and you know it's going to happen. Also, if one or 2 more siblings turn up I usually say yes it's fine but we haven't ordered any extra food (if it's a set menu type thing) or if it's a buffet it really DOES NOT MATTER.

LemonSquares · 13/07/2014 23:13

It's one of the things that makes throwing a DC birthday party so stressful IME.

People not RSVP’ing and then turning up then people saying yes then not turning up - let alone siblings without warning ( I’m sympathetic to parents who are stuck and ask nicely before).

It worse as we have birthdays around holidays - as so many don't reply and or turn up - I have nightmare about no one turning up and having an upset DC.

Enjoy your wine.

Balaboosta · 14/07/2014 00:32

I'm glad that you eventually got round to mentioning that dd had a good time.

Happy36 · 14/07/2014 01:18

It´s a nuisance, but it seems a little unfair that the children should not be punished for their parents´ sloppiness. Turning away his or her friends from the party may upset your child on their birthday too, which would be a shame.

Is there any chance the parents have misunderstood and thought that completing the online waiver is also a form of RSVP?

In future I would chase up any non-RSVPs with a phonecall especially if there are bookings to be made and per child payments.

SquigglySquid · 14/07/2014 03:42

Oiy. I hate it when parents use their children as smoke screens for bad manners. Any action ultimately punishes the child for something out of their control.

I wish there was a way to "punish" the parents without affecting the child who is innocent in the whole thing.

StarSwirl92 · 14/07/2014 05:01

I wouldn't let them in. I'm afraid it's tough but if you don't RSVP when asked to you don't get to go. It is not 'punishing the child' it is responding reasonably to the guest list that was provided. If people are always letting these parents get away with it, they'll never learn and their kids won't either.

pombearsforbrunch · 14/07/2014 08:43

Let the poor kids join in. Also, why not buy kinder eggs instead of party bags?

LemonSquares · 14/07/2014 08:52

In future I would chase up any non-RSVPs with a phonecall especially if there are bookings to be made and per child payments.

I've tried that - well approached politely in playground - response narked to scarily aggressive.

Catering, venue requirements and number limits - you'd think other parents would understand these things - but IME no.

Best you can do is expect difference in numbers either way - try and give deadlines to rsvp which spurs more on to reply. Few years in and you tend to know who will probably do what and either cater for it or not invite them.