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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell non RSVP party children they haven't got a place when they turn up?

137 replies

MrsOB · 13/07/2014 11:07

OK, long story short.

My DS party is today, sent invites out 4 weeks ago. Five non responses so I have only paid for the ones I know are coming. Cost is £17 per child.

Party venue needs parents to sign a waiver online.... I've just called venue to check they've been done and 3 children's parents have managed to go online to fill in waiver but not told me they are coming....

So, I've not got party bags or food for them, and I haven't paid for them.

When they turn up today at 3 I REALLY want to tell them that they didn't RSVP so there isn't a place for their child....

AIBU to do that?

OP posts:
BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 13/07/2014 12:16

Sorry they've been so crap!

wheresthelight · 13/07/2014 12:25

Sorry but I agree with the ladies saying turn them away.

It is incredibly rude to bit bother to get in touch and then expect their to be a place

Wooodpecker · 13/07/2014 12:30

But you do know they are coming so your 'gameplan' is unnecessary isn't it?

I think they are wrong but when in a similar situation I have chased the few that have not replied. Failing that I have paid in case they turn up as I was prepared to pay that in the first place. Normally this has only involved 1 or 2 people though as I have chased most of them. My son had a similar birthday party and someone never confirmed. I don't see the parents at the school gate so only had their email address. Despite several emails I got no response so paid for her place. Just as well as someone else left a sibling at the party so he took the unwanted place.

ICanSeeTheSun · 13/07/2014 12:31

Where else would people do this.

No RSVP then there is no place. The child will be upset but that's not down to the party host it's down to the parent for not replying to the party invite.

Perhaps the difference means there isn't the staff to cover the party, or that the fire regulations in where only x amount of people are allowed in has reach the maximum.

HappyAgainOneDay · 13/07/2014 12:47

FunkyBoldRibena If they don't know what RSVP means, why don't they ask someone or google it? Aaah! Of course, they need a brain cell.

HappyAgainOneDay · 13/07/2014 12:49

Good for you September Flowers. There should be more of you around then the non-responders will learn.

QueenHaakonVII · 13/07/2014 13:02

SeptemberFlowers. I would do the same.

I don't get why anyone would let siblings come unless they genuinely didn't mind. I have had big parties where everyone and anyone can turn up but I have also had parties where we have only want specific kids. I make things crystal clear on the invites. I spell out exactly what the deal is.

I used to live in the states and a lot of party venues had someone on the door checking in the 'invited' kids. There was no chance of uninvited siblings being slipped in.

OP, if the non RSVP'ed turn up this afternoon you might find that it was a genuine oversight. If they filled out the forms they may have not thought to RSVP too.

MrsCakesPremonition · 13/07/2014 13:09

I can't believe the stick that OP is getting for even toying with the idea of telling these families there is no place for their children.
If the children are disappointed, that is their parents fault and up to their parents to fix.

MrsCakesPremonition · 13/07/2014 13:09

I can't believe the stick that OP is getting for even toying with the idea of telling these families there is no place for their children.
If the children are disappointed, that is their parents fault and up to their parents to fix.

SugarMouse1 · 13/07/2014 13:13

£17 per child is very expensive, where are you having this party?

naturalbaby · 13/07/2014 13:14

What kind of party is it where the parents have to sign an online waiver? Village hall and entertainer for us all the way - food and tat for everyone plus siblings and parents.

redexpat · 13/07/2014 13:47

Here's a question. When I was a child, I remember my mum making me sit down and write a rsvp note, Dear X, thank you for the invitation to your party at your house on 13th July at 2pm. I would love to come. From Redexpat.

OR I would fill in the slip at the bottom of the invitation and give it back to the child.

Does this not happen anymore?

And I'm with MrsCake. Although it might be tough for the little ones I bet their parents wont make the same mistake again.

Floggingmolly · 13/07/2014 13:50

If the centre have details; why not ask them to contact the non responders and advise them that as their names are not on the guest list, their waiver is unnecessary? At the very least, it will spur them on to contact you, when you can explain in person why you haven't paid?

Monopolice · 13/07/2014 13:51

Another idea for next time is to give the time and date of the party, but add "RSVP for more details" i.e. where the party is.

Also that way, if they don't RSVP they will have no idea where it is so will be unable just to show up.

Paddingtonthebear · 13/07/2014 13:52

So are people saying the OP should always pay for a place for several extra kids even if she doesn't know they are coming or not, just incase their rude parents do decide to take them after all? At £17 each? Which I assume is non refundable for no-shows? Sod that

Floggingmolly · 13/07/2014 13:59

Why would you go to all that trouble? Wooodpecker? Confused
Several emails to find out if their child is coming, they haven't the manners to reply so you pay for their place anyway, and then feel vindicated in doing so because the place was used by a sibling who actually wasn't invited at all?
Would you have been happy to do that x 10 (or more)?

Sallyingforth · 13/07/2014 14:42

Disagree with those who say "Run around and buy extra for those poor children whose parents didn't RSVP". I wonder if you are guilty of not bothering yourselves?

Every time you pander to those who can't be arsed to reply, it confirms them in their attitude that RSVP is optional, and they will not bother again. That destroys the whole principle of RSVP.

If someone is good enough to send out an invitation, it is not only good manners but also very sensible to reply either yes or no. It should never be left unanswered.

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/07/2014 14:50

OMG. Hardly the ops fault is it?

Who the hell bus a load more stuff they don't need, to clutter up the house just in case a few inconsiderate parents show up anyway and/or dump siblings who weren't invited. Ffs.

Of the parents wanna pay, fine they can stay but their kids will be minus party bag an they may have to pay for food given they couldn't be bothered to inform anyone get were coming

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 13/07/2014 14:50

Go Ape, or those big inflatables that go down slopes or other things like that would cost that much and require a waiver.

If the parents think the party sounds too out of the ordinary, they have the option to RSVP no.

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/07/2014 14:50

Buys

Cockadoodledooo · 13/07/2014 14:54

Did they show op?!

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, they may have thought signing the waiver was enough of a response, that you'd be notified by the venue that they'd be coming. Wouldn't have hurt to give you a call or send you a text/email as well though.

PintOfWine · 13/07/2014 14:56

Can't believe how many people are quick to blame the OP for disappointing and turning kids away. Hardly her fault and if kids are disappointed - that is the direct result of their mummy and daddy's lack of action. 17 quid a kid!? How bloody inconsiderate - it's not like it's at home and trees food for 5-10 more, if they show up!

DoJo · 13/07/2014 15:03

I don't think the OP would be the one upsetting the children if they don't get to go - it would be their own parents who couldn't manage to cobble together a quick text to let her know they would like to come to the party. I can understand the sentiment of those saying to include them, but I don't think the guilt should lie at the OP's door if she chooses not to or is unable to. I also wouldn't assume that the children are coming because the waivers have been filled out - someone who forgets to RSVP properly could easily fill out a waiver and then forget about the party itself.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 13/07/2014 15:21

If people arrive at the party with children who were never invited, should OP feel bad for them and let them in too?

Andrewofgg · 13/07/2014 15:22

Throwing any sort of bash is a matter of hoping that the buggers who say they are coming but don't show up and the buggers who don't say but do will balance!