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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell non RSVP party children they haven't got a place when they turn up?

137 replies

MrsOB · 13/07/2014 11:07

OK, long story short.

My DS party is today, sent invites out 4 weeks ago. Five non responses so I have only paid for the ones I know are coming. Cost is £17 per child.

Party venue needs parents to sign a waiver online.... I've just called venue to check they've been done and 3 children's parents have managed to go online to fill in waiver but not told me they are coming....

So, I've not got party bags or food for them, and I haven't paid for them.

When they turn up today at 3 I REALLY want to tell them that they didn't RSVP so there isn't a place for their child....

AIBU to do that?

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 13/07/2014 15:33

non repliers totally piss me off, especially as sometimes, there is a second round of reserve invitees waiting in the wings who might get invited at the last minute to make up numbers. so you can end up with too many guests if the rude ones DO decide to turn up.

I think some folk assume RSVP means let me know if you want to come, others assume it means let me know if you can't come.

nowadays most people tend to include a mobile number to text an RSVP which takes 30 seconds to do, so NO excuses for being so lazy/inconsiderate

oh and another thing - I bet the non RSVPers are the ones who also don't send thank yous out.

princessconsuelobananahammock · 13/07/2014 15:49

I'm really shocked that most people would make loads of extra party bags & food in case kids came. If you don't reply that means you're not coming?! If you then come, you're an idiot. You can deal with the fallout of an upset kid. No RSVP = no party.

phantomnamechanger · 13/07/2014 15:54

If you don't reply that means you're not coming?!
the trouble is princess there appears to be no consensus on what "no reply" means - some assume its obvious they are coming because they have not said they aren't, some assume its obvious they are NOT coming, because they have not said they are. Both these types are in the wrong mind you, as they SHOULD RSVP, not leave the host guessing at numbers

FryOneFatManic · 13/07/2014 15:56

The OP only found out by accident that these parents had filled in waivers, as I bet many parents booking parties don't bother to check they've all been filled in.

I think her gameplan sounded fine. Especially as given the info about space limitations, there's the possibility that the extra children wouldn't get in anyway.

I've had siblings dumped on me at my DCs parties before, and parents who messed me about, so I now spell everything out clearly. I'm grateful that Dd is 14, so is now organising who is going to the cinema herself as her party treat, I'll stump up the cost of the tickets.

DS, aged 10, is actually just happy to have a couple of friends around for a sleepover, so nice and manageable.

Glastogirl · 13/07/2014 15:57

Did they turn up op?!

Pimpf · 13/07/2014 15:59

Yanbu. Shame for the kids, but it's not your fault, it's their parents

Ive also threatened the kids can't go to parties when they haven't passed the invite to me so I've not rsvp'ed I time, however they've obviously seen the invite in this case as they've done the waiver thing.

kali110 · 13/07/2014 15:59

Yanbu if you did. Id let the parents pay!

Sister77 · 13/07/2014 16:13

It's difficult, you will be blamed for disappointing the child but surely it's the parents fault. If they can be bothered to go on line and sign the waiver surely they could let you know their child was attending.
However most people are too decent to upset a child and numerous threads on mumsnet have shown that many people don't RSVP.

Itsfab · 13/07/2014 16:24

While it is the non repliers fault if their child is upset it will be the party host that gets the blame from the parent in most cases. If they are rude enough to not RSVP they are hardly going to tell their child they were the chump.

reup · 13/07/2014 16:36

I was recently at a kids party and the parents were moaning about the rude people who hadn't replied. Then the same parents never replied to my sons invitation, so he chased them up, said he was coming then he never turned up! It drives me insane.

NobodyLivesHere · 13/07/2014 16:52

Call me insane, but is it not possible they simply forgot to RSVP. God knows I have. I'm a busy single parent of 3 kids, I work, 2 of my kids have special needs, I'm constantly chasing my tail. it happens surely?!

NellysKnickers · 13/07/2014 16:55

This is so annoying, it's happened to me. No rs, child turned up, no card and no present, which isn't an issue at all, child then refuse to eat as he couldn't have exactly what he wanted. I had to find an extra tenner on top of £ 120 already paid. Then I overheard the parents moaning to anyone who would listen about the fact their dc didn't get a party bag. Well fuck you, they would have done if you had bothered to rsvp. This still gives me the rage 3 years later Grin

allisgood1 · 13/07/2014 17:04

YABU. Chase the parent. I realize the party is over now though.

londonrach · 13/07/2014 17:14

Tbh I'm with op here. If the parents have been rude enough not to bother RSVP. How can you plan if you not sure if it's 5 or 15. Yes disappointing for the child but I bet the parents wouldn't do it again. I think as op knows about the weaver firm I'd contact by text or email to confirm saying as not heard thought they weren't coming but weaver form says they are and want to check re numbers. Anyone who not completed weaver firm or RSVP it's a no. Sorry. Parents fault and poor kids suffer but no way op or anyone planning the party fault. Manners cost nothing....

ProudAS · 13/07/2014 17:15

How did it go OP?

TouchOfNatural · 13/07/2014 17:32

I'm shocked at how many parents have no manners (replying to RSVP), and by those on the thread that say that party hosts don't have the right to turn children away because of PARENTAL error, not the HOST'S (Are you one of those inconsiderate parents then???), and WHY is it deemed ok to bring siblings??? Ridiculous notion. Houses/flats are small. Invites are given in relation to that and budget and friendships. Siblings can doube/treble a party size... Why s it deemed okay?? Very rude too.

ConstableOdo · 13/07/2014 17:36

I honestly think people thought signing the waiver was good enough as an RSVP. I can see both sides of the argument on this thread - I am a worry wort so would be driven crazy by this, but I also wouldn't want to disappoint the kids when it's not their fault. Aware this contribution is irrelevant at this point.

girlwhowearsglasses · 13/07/2014 18:03

I think some of you live in a bit of a middle England bubble.

In my kids multicultural school I almost never get RSVPs. Don't assume that the parent of every child in your kids school can either read or speak English, has ever recieved an invite for their kids to a party, or even has an email address. There are kids at my children's school who are doing brilliantly, have a local accent, but their parents aren't up on the etiquette of British kid's parties . I teach some of these mums basic computers skills at other schools and I can tell you it's not laziness or rudeness.

My DTs sent 25 invites out the other week and we got three text replies, thre verbal replies. Four families came and they bore no resemblance to those that did/didn't say in advance. It's Ramadan and it was Wimbledon final so perhaps had something to do with it... Very sad boys at party (I made sure they did actually hand invites out, and it's not cause they aren't popular - 'everybody loves the DTs' I was told at parents eve and by two parents that responded... Who knows)

maddening · 13/07/2014 18:11

Maybe they thought doing the waiter acknowledged their child's attendance?

ICanHearYou · 13/07/2014 18:16

Despite 7 RSVP's, only 2 children came to my sons birthday party.

I would far rather be making room for more, poor lad.

burgatroyd · 13/07/2014 18:23

Agree with sallyingforth Those who are indignant about Septemberflowers prob don't RSVP. How is it the party planners fault if the parents don't RSVP?
So ok, the kid is disappointed. They will grow up learning to always RSVP.

burgatroyd · 13/07/2014 18:33

Nobodyliveshere of course people forget. Did you then turn up to party or did you text first to say whoops sorry I forgot but can I still attend? If you just turned up I'd think that was rude as you obviously remembered that there was a party.

Whatisaweekend · 13/07/2014 19:35

How did it go OP? I hope you had your Shock face ready and then fixed the non-repliers with a gimlet eye and said "oh you didn't reply so I had no idea you were intending to turn up. Half a sec, I will just go and see if there is any space for you". Not replying is bloody rude imo, as is not replying, then saying you are coming when stopped at the school gates and then not bloody turning up and not bothering to let me know. Grrrrrrr (can you tell this happened to me last week?!!)

starfishmummy · 13/07/2014 19:53

maddening arf at "doing the waiter" Grin

Marcipex · 13/07/2014 20:00

Me too, do I have to attend or can I just do the waiter? :)