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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell non RSVP party children they haven't got a place when they turn up?

137 replies

MrsOB · 13/07/2014 11:07

OK, long story short.

My DS party is today, sent invites out 4 weeks ago. Five non responses so I have only paid for the ones I know are coming. Cost is £17 per child.

Party venue needs parents to sign a waiver online.... I've just called venue to check they've been done and 3 children's parents have managed to go online to fill in waiver but not told me they are coming....

So, I've not got party bags or food for them, and I haven't paid for them.

When they turn up today at 3 I REALLY want to tell them that they didn't RSVP so there isn't a place for their child....

AIBU to do that?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 13/07/2014 11:09

yabu. its not the kids fault.

can you get in touch with the parents?

Lagoonablue · 13/07/2014 11:10

I feel your pain but harsh on the kids if they are turned away. I would probably have taken the non rsvpers into it and had enough spare party stuff tbh.

It's a bloody nuisance when people do this.

Branleuse · 13/07/2014 11:10

There are ALWAYS people that turn up that didn't rsvp properly.

CSIJanner · 13/07/2014 11:10

Well it will teach the parents a lesson but their poor kids! Sad Do you really want to be the parent who upsets children to teach the parents a lesson? Have a word with the parents, maybe not do a party bag but I wouldn't turn away a child who I had invite because the parents were shit.

Sallyingforth · 13/07/2014 11:10

SEnd them email/txt. "Sorry you couldn't come, will be thinking of you."

Coconutty · 13/07/2014 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 13/07/2014 11:11

Yes because you will disappoint a child because their paretns are useless which wouldn;t make you a very nice person.

I would however email them and say:

"I've been contacted by XYZ venue who have told me you've filled in the waiver online but as you didn't reply to the invite I haven't paid for Johnny and don't have food or a party bag for him. I see what I can arrange at short notice and let you know later if I've managed to sort something out

Kindest Regards
Mrs OB"

Squeegle · 13/07/2014 11:12

It is annoying but I think YABU
This does happen, and until the kids are old enough to reply themselves you will be punishing them not parents

Phoenix2014 · 13/07/2014 11:13

No!!!!
Yabvu, as this will only hurt your DS. Do make sure you say sth to the parents though.

PosingInManilla · 13/07/2014 11:14

Is it possible they think the online waiver thing is the RSVP?

micah · 13/07/2014 11:15

Unless you really can't accommodate them I wouldn't exclude them.

Can you get in touch with the parents? I suppose there's always a chance they did reply and the email/text didn't send...I do always have a panic when I RSVP and get no response.

Round here people now RSVP with a date to RSVP by, and a warning if they don't the child won't be booked into the venue.

VeryStressedMum · 13/07/2014 11:16

The parent should have rspv'd but this happens all the time, you know they are coming can you get food and a party bag for them?

Original poster
MrsOB · 13/07/2014 11:16

I don't have their contact details, otherwise if would do the email thing....

I know that I'm totally going to be paying for them! But they will be party bag less (which is the only reason my son goes to parties).

Grrrrrrr......

OP posts:
Mybigfatredwedding · 13/07/2014 11:17

'They haven't got a place' makes it sound like a school admissions system.

YABU by the way, it must be a pain but you can't turn the kids away can you?!

VioletHare · 13/07/2014 11:17

YABU.

Yes, it's annoying, but my experience of parties is that most people don't RSVP. Which makes the parents inconsiderate, but I wouldn't make the child suffer. If I forgot to RSVP to a party, we turned up and my dc were turned away, they would be inconsolable. They LOVE parties, really build it up into a huge deal and look forward to them for ages.

I go on the assumption that every child invited (unless I get a definite NO RSVP) will turn up.

So, 30 invites = 30 party bags, and money enough to pay for 30 kids arriving. This did result in me making double the number of party bags on ds1's 5th birthday as there were 30 invites and 14 turned up.

I tend to just give extra out, for attendees to take home to siblings. Or failing that, dh and I are quite happy to plough our way through the remaining party bags Smile

Dontgotosleep · 13/07/2014 11:17

I understand it's frustrating but you can't really turn an excited child away from a party can you. Imagine if it were your child.
Obviously I don't know your financial situation, but can you not run out quickly and buy some extra food and party bags

WhatTheFork · 13/07/2014 11:19

Are the replies sitting in a book bag or school tray?

I chase up people who haven't responded. It's a PITA but not the kids' fault. It is mean to have them turn up at the party to be turned away.

SeptemberFlowers · 13/07/2014 11:19

YANBU

I had this for DS's party last week Angry

As DS is summer born we'd had the year's worth of invites and through general chat with parents you learn who the inconsiderate arseholes are who don't let you know - two in particular do a dump and run with siblings (uninvited!!)

I know I sound like I'm over reacting but I've had enough over the years of this.

2 children turned up for the party - Dad was just about to shove him through the door with his younger sister when I informed there wasn't a place as neither he or his wife let me know.

He was seriously.unimpressed but sorry - NO.

VioletHare · 13/07/2014 11:20

I'm also curious as to why you wouldn't make extra party bags, just in case.

It can't be a cost issue, because had they all RSVP'd yes you would have HAD to make the full amount of party bags.

I suppose the extra ones could be seen as a waste...but just give them out to siblings if that happens. Or, your own kids are stocked up on sweets for days/weeks to come.

VioletHare · 13/07/2014 11:21

That is incredibly mean September.

Poor kids.

JoeyMaynardsghost · 13/07/2014 11:21

Maybe they think that the waiver is as good as RSVP - as you've been told by the venue that they have signed the waiver, really you can't disappoint the children as it will be "your fault" that their child is upset. No matter how much you protest that they should have let you know too.

I do kind of agree with you, on a courtesy level but not everyone thinks the same way. Be the bigger person and treat the children the same as those who's parents did let you know. You never know, they may have RSVP'ed and given the slip to their child to give to your DS and it's still lurking in their book bag. :)

CaptChaos · 13/07/2014 11:22

YA both BU and NBU.

YANBU because it's a pain, and if the parents could be arsed to do the waiver online, then they could have done a simple text to accept, it's also running about trying to get things sorted on a day which is going to be hectic and fraught enough.

YABU because it's not the children's fault that their parents are inconsiderate, thoughtless and have fewer manners than your average alley cat.

I would say something to the parents involved.

fledermaus · 13/07/2014 11:23

Can the parents pay on the door?

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 13/07/2014 11:24

Of course it's a cost issue - it's a waste if money to buy 15 bouncy balls and sticker books if you only need 10. I usually make one spare bag just in case a sibling turns up at collection. But then everyone I know RSVPs yes OR no.

Original poster
MrsOB · 13/07/2014 11:25

I ordered the party bag tat online, but will cobble together some sweets etc for them so they don't go without...

I know that IABU but it annoys me so much!

The place only has room for 80 people at one time so I hope there will be space - I have only booked for 12 kids.... If the other spaces are gone then there really won't be space for them to participate. Just filling in the form doesn't mean they have a place, it's just the waiver. I will contact the venue to tell them, it's just frustrating that people don't RSVP.

OP posts: