To tell non RSVP party children they haven't got a place when they turn up?

[MrsOB]

OK, long story short.

My DS party is today, sent invites out 4 weeks ago. Five non responses so I have only paid for the ones I know are coming. Cost is £17 per child.

Party venue needs parents to sign a waiver online.... I've just called venue to check they've been done and 3 children's parents have managed to go online to fill in waiver but not told me they are coming....

So, I've not got party bags or food for them, and I haven't paid for them.

When they turn up today at 3 I REALLY want to tell them that they didn't RSVP so there isn't a place for their child....

AIBU to do that?

Poor kids to have parents who always brought a sibling uninvited, pissing off the party host. Yup.

It's time this non-RSVP fashion had a stop put to it. I never organised a party venue of any sort for children except at home. If I did not receive a reply to the invitation, knowing that it went to parents who have the habit of not replying, I would not book or pay for a place for them or have a party bag. If they turn up, I'll turn them away saying something like, "Sorry but you didn't reply so I assumed you would not be coming." It's a pity that the child might be upset but it's their parents' fault, not mine.

In future, the child will badger the parents to reply because it wants to attend. If everyone took this way of dealing with it, you might all relax knowing that replies will come in the end. You are accepting what's going on so it will continue.

You could put a note in the invitation saying something like: 'If we do not receive a reply, we'll assume that you are not coming and will cater accordingly. There will be no entrance for non repliers.' (Not very well expressed but you get the gist of it)

Can you not run into a supermarket and buy some sweets and put them into a bag? Yes it's annoying but I don't see what the issue is.
Is there some way you can sort some food for them.
They may have thought signing the online waiver was an rspv, if they went to the bother of doing that then they must be quite keen to go to the party.
Did the invitation make clear they needed to rspv to you as well as do the online thing?

It is a cost issue when you only have a limited budget.

I had chased and had no reply so if their child is upset then that's unfortunate but their own doing the icing on the cake was the uninvited sibling.

HappyAgainOneDay

I'm with you.

Do the waivers have contact details that the centre could pass on to you?

Op I agree with you.

It's diffrent when it's a hall with a buffet and bouncy castle, but when it's a soft play venue with hot food and play you tend to need numbers and the child's order.

Well, the kids aren't going to be turned away, are they? The op hasn't paid for their place, but there's nothing to stop the parents who turn up on spec paying for their own children? Think of it as the price of their laziness / ill manners in not bothering to respond...

HappyAgain you are hard core

It would be brilliant of you could do this, but we all know you can't! I do like kewcumbers email idea.

You would be being both unreasonable & petty to deliberately disappoint children because of their parents' non-action.

Yes, it's a bit annoying/rude of the parents not to reply but I suggest you rise above it & do the kind thing.

How embarrassing for your dc to have his friends turned away too!

I don't think YABU.

Perhaps if everyone turned away those who don't rsvp then people would be more considerate and actually bother to rsvp.

Always do invitations face to face or over the phone.

I thought party bags for the non-RSVP kids which had plenty sweets & also cucumbers (yes actual cucumbers) in it would be good. You know, a kind of "Well, if you will piss me about message..."

cost of party bag must be much much lower than £17, so kind of silly to turn away because of no bag.

My DC would not be . Because I would have been noisily grumbling out loud at home about the non-responders and saying what I will do, he will realise how inconvenient it is, that I've done the right thing and will grow up knowing that he or his wife should reply to any invitation asap.

If it's a limited number thing needed days before, I usually put 'please let me know by X date if you want a place'- and I've seen that on lots of invites recently, as the children get older and they may be going to a spa or horse-riding or some type of activity where you do really need to know what's going on.

If it is a bouncy-castle, play fun house type thing, I don't mind if people show up with extra kids and pay for them.

I always do check though if I haven't heard back, if you only have say 8 invitees, surely it's fairly easy to ask those parents (at gates, though others, get mobiles) are you coming? I don't have mystery guests, I find out from all of them.

YANBU to be a bit annoyed. But VVVU to decide not to let the children join the party. That's just mean. Ring round and find out who's coming. You shouldn't have to do this of course but it's better than wasted money. And you will know better next year and not invite them.

TheNapoleonofCrime

Why should you have to do that running around because of the negligence and bad manners of the invitees?

Poor kids.

To have adults that will take them to a party that they haven't bothered to RSVP to.

Because they probably don't know what RSVP means.

Ring round and find out who's coming.

She hasn't got the contact details - that's the point of the thread.

I wouldn't turn anyone away from a kids party because

1. I assume most people aren't cunts and if there is no RSVP it might be because its goneto the wrong number, email, lost at school - or they might have shot going on in their lives I don't know about
2. Even if they are cunts, most people don't plan to be one about a kids party
3. Even if they do, the kids aren't, and they are the ones that

lose out.

(Disclaimer: I've only ever done parties a home or in a hall where extra guests don't matter).

I don't think OP has paid the £17 for non- respondents.

The invite had a line that said "RSVP to MrsOB by x date and the had my mobile and email address.

A few lines down was the waiver info.

I stupidly thought that if they could bother to fill a form out online they could have dropped me a quick text to let me know they were coming.

I only ordered enough party bag stuff for those I knew were coming because it's a waste of money otherwise.

I will put a bag together but if parents can't be arsed to let me know why should I be arsed to run around buying more tat?

I don't have contact details and I did ask the centre if they would let me have them but they couldn't cos of data protection blah blah.

I also asked a number of parents if they had contact details over the last few weeks but they didn't.

I feel I've done enough to make it clear that I wanted a response and I've also tried to find out their contact details.

My gameplan is : be surprised they have turned up, say I haven't booked a place, but let me check there is space and if so x is more than welcome to stay and play.

Never doing it again!!! Or if I do I'm adding the "non response will be taken as a non attendance" line suggested above #genius