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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we've accepted the invite so ds should go to this party?

82 replies

Sleepswithbutterflies · 12/07/2014 18:25

Ds was invited to a party (reception year) ages ago. Party is at 4-6 tomorrow afternoon. We accepted the invite.

Dh has now come back from PiL and announced that brother in law is having a BBQ tomorrow afternoon for niece's birthday, she's 27 by the way so not a child.
Dh wants me to text party invite mother and say ds can no longer go. I don't think this is very fair. Besides which BBQ will be full of adults getting drunk and no other children and ds will get bored. It will be too late to go afterwards as wouldn't get there before 8ish and ds has school on Monday.

Aibu to think we have accepted the invite so should go? Dh's family is huge and there's always something or another of theirs to go to so it's not like we never see them, in fact I don't think we've missed anything else ever. I've suggested popping round beforehand with a present and to say happy birthday, but apparently this isn't good enough.

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 12/07/2014 18:30

Surely you can do both? 27 yo party unlikely to be over very early, so you could go to the family one after the friend?

I think you ought to honour the original commitment

bronya · 12/07/2014 18:31

Can't he go to the BBQ and you take DS to the party?

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 12/07/2014 18:31

It'll be too late - it'll be 8pm when we get there.
I'm having Ivf and need to do jabs at 8ish and then generally feel rough so aside from the fact ds has school on Monday it'll all be a bit much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 12/07/2014 18:35

No because he wants me to drive so he can have a drink.

OP posts:
Isitmylibrarybook · 12/07/2014 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steff13 · 12/07/2014 18:36

Take your son to the kid's party, let your husband go to the BBQ for your niece. They certainly can't expect you to drop everything at the last minute to come to an adult's birthday party.

Bowlersarm · 12/07/2014 18:38

Can't you drop and pick your DS off from the BBQ rather than your home?

If it's not possible then you need to stick to the original plan, and not skip the party because something else has come up.

Isitmylibrarybook · 12/07/2014 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steff13 · 12/07/2014 18:38

Your husband doesn't have to have a drink, or he could always call a cab.

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 12/07/2014 18:39

It's about an hour away.
Dh's family tend to think that what they want is what should happen.
They will probably sulk if we don't all go.

OP posts:
IDontDoIroning · 12/07/2014 18:44

Ah .. So dh doesn't really care about ds he just wants to go to an adults piss up and ds and you can just tag along / do the taxi service.
No YANBU.

littleducks · 12/07/2014 18:45

Your ds will have been catered for at the birthday party (and looking forward to it?) He should go

PinkSquash · 12/07/2014 18:45

Let them sulk, they're adults. Your DC would probably enjoy the party more than a drunken adult bbq.

Pancakeflipper · 12/07/2014 18:45

I think it would be very rude to drop out (except for illness etc).
But my mother was really rigid about good manners and if you accept then only a serious reason deters you, not a fancy doing something else instead.

Littlefish · 12/07/2014 18:46

Your dh is being very unreasonable. You have accepted the child's party invitation so your ds should attend. Your Dh can go to the family party on his own.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 12/07/2014 18:50

He is BVU. You know that. Let him go on his own. Just don't engage in this nonsense.

Catsize · 12/07/2014 18:50

Your son should go to the birthday party and your husband can say that he accepted that invitation first so has to go, and either DH goes by himself and (shock horror!) doesn't drink, or none of you go. Hey, how about he takes DS to party and you go to the niece's? ;-)

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 12/07/2014 18:51

If we had known about the family party first it would of course have taken priority.
As it was we were told about it today.

OP posts:
muffliato · 12/07/2014 18:52

Your Dh is being very unreasonable and how unfair to the little birthday child. Take your ds to his friends party. Dh can go to the bbq himself.

TeenyfTroon · 12/07/2014 18:52

Party takes priority. Don't give in. Do what you think is right - sorry, projecting own experience onto you!
YANBU

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 12/07/2014 18:53

Birthday child is leaving at the end of the school year. Dh said "it won't matter if he doesn't go, he will never see her again anyway in a couple of weeks."
Twat.

OP posts:
NormHonal · 12/07/2014 18:54

Having been through IVF, I think the IVF should be your priority! So DS should go to his party as planned, the home for your IVF jab.

Keep things as simple and non-stress as possible.

Good luck x

NormHonal · 12/07/2014 18:55

then home

basgetti · 12/07/2014 18:55

Your DH is being very selfish. Not only would this be unfair on the birthday child, but also on your son who was no doubt looking forward to the party and would miss out on all the excited chatter about it on monday morning.

WottaMess · 12/07/2014 18:57

If your presence at family BBQ was that critical they'd have mentioned it before now? Whereas your DS is really wanted at this party. That takes priority and your dh either goes and doesn't drink or says sorry we have a prior engagement and proves he can behave better than a four year old Shock