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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a hair free bikini line isn't more important than my own family?

162 replies

youmademesolate · 12/07/2014 13:39

I am a care assistant.

There's never enough time to do everything. Today I was due to finish at 11 o clock and then had a special family event I wanted to go to (nothing formal) at 12.

The last lady was duly washed, dressed, bed changed, breakfast made, lounge cleaned (she is unable to walk herself so all this done using hoists and so on.) she asked me to put hair removal cream on her bikini line and I explained, politely, we just didn't have the time it would take to set and then remove the hair.

The husband has complained to the agency about me Angry

I'm so fed up; why should I work for nothing at all, miss my own family doing things and for someone's bikini line???

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 12/07/2014 17:11

Oh sorry OP, having a moan about the complaint.

OnesEnough · 12/07/2014 17:13

Earth, its not a question of anyone lacking compassion for people in this situation whatsoever, but what about a little compassion for carers. Surely you wouldn't expect a carer to wax your bikini line? Surely at times there must be a limit, hence home visits by beauticians etc.

43percentburnt · 12/07/2014 17:14

Yanbu however I bet she pays the agency 11 or 12 for your visit. Plus petrol money. (Google agencies acting as if you require a carer and how much you need to pay).

What is bloody shit is the fact if the agency middleman was cut out her money could pay you a living wage and she would get an hour of care including her bikini line etc. she would get a non rushed visit and a bit more chat.

Mybigfatredwedding · 12/07/2014 17:15

Yes it's highly unlikely that anyone involved has read this, but then again AIBU is a pretty well known and well read forum these days, and the thread title might gain someone's attention if they have heard about this in real life from either side.

As I said, highy unlikely, almost to the point of impossible but not impossible.

Original poster
youmademesolate · 12/07/2014 17:16

I do frequently wonder who thought, "I know, all jobs shall from henceforth be organised by agencies." Crazy.

But I didn't decide that :)

OP posts:
steff13 · 12/07/2014 17:17

OP, if you were out of time, I don't think you were being unreasonable.

Carers here regularly do toileting, bathing, and peri-care, I personally wouldn't consider applying a depiltory to the bikini area any more personal than that.

Original poster
youmademesolate · 12/07/2014 17:19

The thing is, mybigfat it isn't identifiable.

Someone might read it and THINK 'this is me' but if they do, so what?

I'm not identifiable and neither is the lady concerned.

As I said on the first page, I'm not really remotely bothered about either being "found out" or repercussions if indeed I am.

I haven't said anything nasty about the lady and have only complained that they complained unjustifiably. Someone on another thread was posting about being treated rudely in a shop by a customer: same sort of thing.

I have a lot of compassion for many of the people in my line of work, many are lovely,some are not: they are not all saints and martyrs and I reserve the right to WHINGE!

OP posts:
BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 12/07/2014 17:19

43percent, it doesnt work like that. Or mine doesnt anyway.
My PA has to be paid £7.12 ph, paid to me by the council if i pay them direct, which i then pay to them. If an agency is used, the individual is still paid £7.12, but with the agency fee on top.

MrsBoldon · 12/07/2014 17:23

mybigfatredwedding - OP said nothing rude or offensive and gave no details of the client. Why can't HCPs ' moan' if no-one can identify them or the person they're talking about?.

I was on a thread this week about the HCA murdered on a MH ward this week. Several people talking about their experiences, including me. I've been a victim of a serious sexual assault by a patient and more recently a serious physical assault. I challenge anyone to identify me or the SU from that information, should I just not mention it on MN because it's unprofessional? .Am I ' moaning'?

Proclean · 12/07/2014 17:24

Beyond - no I had not considered that the client could be younger but my point remains the same, for the sake of both the client and the carer boundaries should be set out by the AGENCY whose responisibility is to do so!

I have many elderley friends some of whom I socialise with and was certainly not meaning to patronise just to remain true to the original issue of the OP!

Original poster
youmademesolate · 12/07/2014 17:31

Look, it isn't about the fact it's her bikini line!

It's the TIME, I just don't have the TIME!

OP posts:
giraffescantboogie · 12/07/2014 17:33

YANBU - care staff have a tiny amount of time per client.

TwoTribes · 12/07/2014 17:35

What is he going to complain about anyway. "I'm furious because a health care professional did not give up her own time to veet my wife's fanny."

Are they really going to take him seriously? Really?

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 12/07/2014 17:36

OP people on this thread are being downright ridiculous. Even if your manager saw this there is nothing they could pull you up on. Nothing. Yanbu.

FannyFifer · 12/07/2014 17:39

If there was an emergency situation I'm sure you would have stayed on with no complaint.
Veeting a fanny does not constitute an emergency.

Proclean · 12/07/2014 17:59

I feel some people here are quite enjoying voiding your actual issue with all manner of other nonsense OP! I feel your pain!

alemci · 12/07/2014 18:09

that's mean of her. can't her dh do it for her??

giraffescantboogie · 12/07/2014 20:37

If you stayed an extra ten mins for each client it would just get mad. It was not an urgent care need and there was no time.

Thumbwitch · 13/07/2014 08:16

I really can't understand what was going through the husband's head when he put in the complaint. It just doesn't make sense!
I hope that nothing comes of it with you bosses, youmade - how are you going to feel going back to that lady next time?

Chocotrekkie · 13/07/2014 08:28

I wouldn't do it. Not for reasons of time or the personal nature of the request but for the safety aspect of it.

Are you aware of the risks of using cream on that area ?
Are you aware of any if her medical conditions which are restricting the blood supply to her bits - I'm guessing if you need to use a hoist there is considerable restrictions.

Did you do a skin test ?

Next time you are due to go in I would take in the number of a local mobile beauty therapist.

All breezy "well I'm not qualified to do your hair removal so have got you a couple of numbers of people who are "

LuisSuarezTeeth · 13/07/2014 09:02

If OP had said the client asked for her hair to be washed/scrambled eggs/walk the dog, nobody would be saying it's identifiable.

It's the time issue - she cannot go over time because it impacts on other clients, she doesn't get paid and she had to be somewhere else.

Booboostoo · 13/07/2014 09:17

Did the husband complain about YOU OP or did he complain about the situation, e.g. Inadequate funding for the hours of care his wife needs? I think the first is very unreasonable as you are doing your job to the best of your ability and within the constraints available. You are not obliged to disadvantage other clients or give up your personal time because the system is failing. The second complaint is very reasonable and maybe there is some appeals or reassessment process that would allocate more time to this client?

whatever5 · 13/07/2014 09:37

I suppose the problem is that you pretty much told her that you would never be able to do her bikini line because of time constraints. It wasn't just on this occasion. It's not your fault though.

To be honest, I wouldn't do it anyway though for the reasons mentioned by Chocotrekkie.

Notcontent · 13/07/2014 09:40

I used to use veet on my bikini line (not any more).

I think the whole operation used to take me nearly 30 minutes.

Carefully applying it, then timing it and constantly checking to make sure it didn't start to burn, then scraping it off, and finally hopping into the shower to carefully wash it completely off.

The whole visit would need to be at least an hour or longer to fit that in with dressing, breakfast, tidying up.

FiftyShadesOfGreen4205 · 13/07/2014 09:50

YANBU at all.

And look, if she wants her minge done then she is free to use to services of a mobile beautician rather than her care assistant.

Being clean and dressed is essential for dignity and health. A hairy fanny doesn't affect your dignity or health.