To think a hair free bikini line isn't more important than my own family?

[youmademesolate]

I am a care assistant.

There's never enough time to do everything. Today I was due to finish at 11 o clock and then had a special family event I wanted to go to (nothing formal) at 12.

The last lady was duly washed, dressed, bed changed, breakfast made, lounge cleaned (she is unable to walk herself so all this done using hoists and so on.) she asked me to put hair removal cream on her bikini line and I explained, politely, we just didn't have the time it would take to set and then remove the hair.

The husband has complained to the agency about me

I'm so fed up; why should I work for nothing at all, miss my own family doing things and for someone's bikini line???

[youmademesolate]

Okay - this has come up in nearly every a few posts now, so I'll explain.

Wanting hair removal cream on intimate areas is not in itself an issue, or a problem. Think about something you do every day or weekly at least, as a matter of course - for me, straightening my hair. If I couldn't do that it would affect my self esteem; I look better with my hair straightened and it is important to me, though perhaps silly to some, that isn't the point.

It might well be that Mrs X wanted to go swimming, or sit in a paddling pool - I just don't know. But having her bikini line sorted is not an issue. All the, "but what if it burns her" miss the point - Mrs X is an adult, does not have an impediment that might mar her judgement, and is free to make choices that enhance her life.

The problem is not WHAT she was asking me to do, it was the fact I didn't have reasonable TIME to do it. To be honest I'm generally a soft touch and since Mrs X was the last one and she's a nice lady she should LTB though i probably would normally have rolled my eyes and said "oh, go on then!"

But it's one thing doing that as a favour; another thing when doing an unpaid 15 minutes is expected, and to be complained about when you don't! That is unfair and unreasonable.

LuLu how anybody does this job without a car is beyond me, honestly. The working conditions of carers is a disgrace, though.

[mumtoateen]

As FiftyShadesOfGreen said. She wants her areas sorted, she pays for it from a beautician.

[Patrickstarisabadbellend]

wowser

[itsbetterthanabox]

This is not your job. Firstly you leave when you have finished your shift unless it's very urgent. Secondly personal, intimate grooming is not care work. I can't believe she had the gall to ask for this. She needs to see a beauty therapist who can remove the hair as they are trained to do!

[MyFairyKing]

As a previous poster said, it doesn't matter what the client asked the OP to do. The fact of the matter is that the OP had the right to refuse and not be complained about to the agency. If there are too many things to do within the allocated time slots, the lady and/or her husband should be reporting back to her allocated person at the agency and her social worker to re-visit her assessment of need.

[WowserBowser]

No YANBU

And i hope you enjoyed your family do.

I am sure her minge will cope.

[LuluJakey1]

My mum had carers for the last year of her life. Never the same ones. They came 4 x a day and she never knew who was going to walk in the house.

Some were lovely and some did not give a shit. My mum asked one to put a hot water bottle in her bed and the woman put the one from the previous night still full of cold water in the bed. Sometimes they did not turn up or would be 2 hours late. Some were very short with her. She was almost totally deaf and registered blind and some appeared to not even know this. The supervisor and her line manager told me outright lies and contradicted each other at times when I complained. The turnover of staff was rapid. Sometimes people would leave within days of starting. In a year, my mum had more than 40 different carers and only one remained employed throughout.

However, they were paid £6.25 per hour but only paid for the minutes they spent with her. They were not paid for the travelling time between clients- often 30 minutes or more. They were not paid for their bus passes- none had a car. Effectively, they were being paid less than £3 an hour. Yet the company they worked for made a substantial profit from this contract with a large council. It is disgraceful. Why should anyone make a profit from social care. My mum had really poor care. I took a complaint to the ombudsman with 32 aspects and every one was found accurate. The carers are paid buttons and yet this company is raking in profit. The council could provide a much better service itself but is not allowed to- it has to go out to private tender.

I made such a fuss at every level that my mum's care radically improved but was still not great. But what about all of those elderly, infirm, people who have no one to make a fuss for them?

[VioletHare]

Those people jumping up and down about confidentiality, have you considered that the OP is smart enough to have changed the details?

YY to this.

I've been on mn a long time, but am a serial username-changer because anonymity is important to me. If I ever post something that could be identifiable, I will change details so that the story is the same, but it's less likely a third party will recognise it. So I may change ds to dd, age 4 to age 5 etc. When I do this I don't always post a disclaimer advising that details have been changed.

[Pipbin]

A hairy fanny doesn't affect your dignity or health.

I'm getting that on a tshirt.

[MidniteScribbler]

I don't think yabu to expect to leave on time because you have a personal event. You get paid for a certain time, and you shouldn't have to work outside of that.

However, many people do expect those in certain professions to be selfless and prepared to give up their own time to deal with the,. I'm a teacher, and avoid saying 'I have to go now because I want to pick my son up', I say 'I have a staff meeting/other parent meeting/training' or some other work related reason for cutting short a meeting/discussion. In the case of a carer, saying that you can't do a task as you have to be at another client and don't want to upset them and be late would probably be more palatable to the client than saying you have a family function to attend. We shouldn't have to make excuses, but it really does make for far less arguments about why you aren't giving more of your personal time.

[Greythorne]

Those people jumping up and down about confidentiality, have you considered that the OP is smart enough to have changed the details? So Lougle it all took place last Monday at 4pm and the client's partner is a woman not a husband.....

Let's credit the OP with some intelligence. Or are you assuming that as she is a care assistant she is basically too think to understand client confidentiality?

[ipswichwitch]

I thought you wouldn't be able to do it anyway. As previous posters have pointed out, there is a risk of the cream burning/causing reactions, skin tests should be done, very careful application etc. If there was an incident with the cream would they then be complaining/looking to sue for damages? If you did try and squeeze it in during the half hour you have with her, there is potential for it to go wrong as you already have so much else to do and couldn't possibly spend the time doing it safely.

I say this because my 10yo nephew (who has complex needs) was allowed to get quite badly sunburned on a school trip as the teachers wouldn't apply sun cream for him, stating that it's abuse for them to touch him and they didn't know if he'd react to the cream. He cannot apply his own, and they knew this.

[FiftyShadesOfGreen4205]

YANBU at all.

And look, if she wants her minge done then she is free to use to services of a mobile beautician rather than her care assistant.

Being clean and dressed is essential for dignity and health. A hairy fanny doesn't affect your dignity or health.

[Notcontent]

I used to use veet on my bikini line (not any more).

I think the whole operation used to take me nearly 30 minutes.

Carefully applying it, then timing it and constantly checking to make sure it didn't start to burn, then scraping it off, and finally hopping into the shower to carefully wash it completely off.

The whole visit would need to be at least an hour or longer to fit that in with dressing, breakfast, tidying up.

[whatever5]

I suppose the problem is that you pretty much told her that you would never be able to do her bikini line because of time constraints. It wasn't just on this occasion. It's not your fault though.

To be honest, I wouldn't do it anyway though for the reasons mentioned by Chocotrekkie.

[Booboostoo]

Did the husband complain about YOU OP or did he complain about the situation, e.g. Inadequate funding for the hours of care his wife needs? I think the first is very unreasonable as you are doing your job to the best of your ability and within the constraints available. You are not obliged to disadvantage other clients or give up your personal time because the system is failing. The second complaint is very reasonable and maybe there is some appeals or reassessment process that would allocate more time to this client?

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

If OP had said the client asked for her hair to be washed/scrambled eggs/walk the dog, nobody would be saying it's identifiable.

It's the time issue - she cannot go over time because it impacts on other clients, she doesn't get paid and she had to be somewhere else.

[Chocotrekkie]

I wouldn't do it. Not for reasons of time or the personal nature of the request but for the safety aspect of it.

Are you aware of the risks of using cream on that area ?
Are you aware of any if her medical conditions which are restricting the blood supply to her bits - I'm guessing if you need to use a hoist there is considerable restrictions.

Did you do a skin test ?

Next time you are due to go in I would take in the number of a local mobile beauty therapist.
All breezy "well I'm not qualified to do your hair removal so have got you a couple of numbers of people who are "

[Thumbwitch]

I really can't understand what was going through the husband's head when he put in the complaint. It just doesn't make sense!
I hope that nothing comes of it with you bosses, youmade - how are you going to feel going back to that lady next time?

[giraffescantboogie]

If you stayed an extra ten mins for each client it would just get mad. It was not an urgent care need and there was no time.

[alemci]

that's mean of her. can't her dh do it for her??

[Proclean]

I feel some people here are quite enjoying voiding your actual issue with all manner of other nonsense OP! I feel your pain!

[FannyFifer]

If there was an emergency situation I'm sure you would have stayed on with no complaint.
Veeting a fanny does not constitute an emergency.

[SagaNorensLeatherTrousers]

OP people on this thread are being downright ridiculous. Even if your manager saw this there is nothing they could pull you up on. Nothing. Yanbu.

[TwoTribes]

What is he going to complain about anyway. "I'm furious because a health care professional did not give up her own time to veet my wife's fanny."

Are they really going to take him seriously? Really?