to warn first time mums about the first day home from hospital?- but then to say things get better!

[moscowflyer]

I had my gorgeous DTDs a month ago via ELCS at 38 weeks. The whole experience was really very lovely and positive. We were incredibly lucky with the pregnancy and the C-section. The hospital stay was great (we are expats living abroad, and hospitals here only have private rooms, not wards). The babies didn't need any special care and were with us from the moment they came out. DH stayed with us in the hospital for four nights and on the fifth day we came home. All of this is just to underline how fortunate we were and to explain that there weren't any bad experiences. The only difficulty was that we were very sleep deprived because the four of us had all been in one little room in the hospital for 4 nights so neither of us parents got more than 45 minutes sleep at a time.

Day 5 after they were born, the day we came home from hospital, was just AWFUL. I can honestly say I have never felt worse in my life. Waiting to be discharged from hospital DH and I were both so scared, obsessive, paranoid, depressed, exhausted. We were sweating with nerves and hormones (me). DH broke one of the car seats trying to get it out of the car out of sheer stress and frustration. We had a huge argument over this (we really rarely argue at all). On the way out of the hospital we nearly crashed into an ambulance. DH started swearing and gesturing at the driver. We had another argument. We got home and I just walked in the door with the pram and burst into uncontrollable sobs, and didn't stop crying for six hours. I also ranted and raged at DH for a gazillion different things. He took it on the chin but was badly shaken himself. I was totally inconsolable. I felt like death. It was utterly hideous. (Though, looking back, it does have some comedy value!)

In all of this the babies were absolutely fine- they slept through all the drama like two angels! We were very lucky. We had booked a maternity nurse to help out with the babies that night. She arrived that night to find me in shreds, DH on the verge of hysterics, and two sleeping babies. She put me to bed, and from the next morning Things. Got. Better. Now, a month on, life is (very gradually) taking a wonderful new shape.

I was chatting about this to a friend yesterday and she said every single woman she knows with kids has had a similar experience. Which got me thinking that forewarned is forearmed in these situations. I really wish someone had told me beforehand: (a) the day you get home from hospital with your first baby/babies is HORRENDOUS; (b) it starts to get better from that day on!

AIBU to think all first time mums should be told this?

Would really like to hear about other people's experiences, too. (Might reassure us that we're not the only couple to have had a massive row over car seats in the hospital car park!)

nah having twins does not give anyone a free pass to use disablist language, ever.
whilst I see where the op was coming from in her op, having had a really shit day 5 myself. using disablist language is never ok

If you think I am a bully please report me. Also please copy and past any of my posts where I have bullied the OP, called her names directly, or called her a shit mum.

If you can't do any of the above then kindly stop misquoting me as you are just making yourselves look ridiculous even more so when you are saying the use of the word fucktard is ok!

YABVU. I had twins and went home on day 3 after CS at 38 weeks. It was definitely not horrendous, it was brilliant.

YABU

I do think your experience was unusually stressful and I don't know anyone who had such a bad reaction to bringing their babies home - including 2 close friends who had twins.

I found the early days completely blissful both times.

I suspect it is harder if you have had a C section.

The reason so many posters think YABU OP is that you expressed your post as a warning to first time mums and I think they have enough to worry about without your needless and disproportionate scaremongering about your experience.

I was about to stick up for you, OP, until you used that appallingly disablist word.

I did find my first day/days hard and I wasn't prepared for that.

I have been consciously refusing, as a matter of principle, to use disablist language for twenty years. I have stuck to it. As far as I can tell, from real life and the internet outside Mumsnet, this is an unusual stance. So I am exposed to such words regularly.

So when I am really angry (like I might have been if I'd made a thread about coming home with twins and got a kicking for not saying "sometimes") it is still really hard to stop those words leaving my mouth.

So, I will continue to give her a pass.

YABU - I think you were unlucky.

pfb - night on post natal ward wasn't at all pleasant - it was bloody awful. I was left in strange place - no pain relief shouted at by staff - noise level was horrendous facilities dirty - no help at all.

Took hours of being messed around to get discharged next day.

We got driven home by a friend and him and DH managed to fit car seat with no issues. Got in had cup of tea with him - then community MW popped round, then local GP to do baby check that hadn't been done in hospital. I got more attention and support at home than I did at hospital and it continues for a few days - it was great to be in my space and have the peace to actually get some rest.

The other two were HB- and were so much better.

MW did check on me to make sure I did have the five day blues with pfb.

I don't warn other mothers about postnatal treatment because I hope they don't experience what I did and listening to other it varies so widely and some have great experiences.

I think it is hard generally when babies are young.

Worst time with me was 6/8 weeks growth spurt - round the clock feeding and all the visitors are gone and the housework has piled up and the euphoria I got after the births had dissipated but bf problems were still around.

OP, reading your story reminded me of when we brought our first DS home from hospital.

DH arrived at the hospital and told me he couldn't figure out how to fit the car seat. He had been out the night before to 'wet the baby's head' and had a hangover. I was hallucinating with tiredness (2 night hospital stay after a 36hr labour and c-section). I lost my temper and shouted and cried about the car seat. This was in the ward where people could hear us

We eventually got the car seat and DS in. DH then drove so slowly that other drivers were beeping at him and overtaking, which made us really anxious.

We were worried that DS's head seemed floppy in the dad seat and that this was dangerous. We pulled over and had another argument about this. I wanted to hold DS but DH said it wasn't safe. We phoned a friend (the only person we knew with a baby at the time) and she kindly suggested we roll up a blanket and put if around his head for extra support.

I then sat in the back, panicking about DS, with DH still driving extremely slowly and panicking about DS. When we eventually got home, we both collapsed on the sofa and just stared at DS who was fast asleep in his car seat, feeling utterly terrified that we were alone with our tiny baby.

That was nearly 10 years ago and I still remember that journey well. We often laugh about it when we pass the place where we stopped to phone for advice

I enjoyed reading your OP & I am not sure what has got into other people today. Maybe they are wildly envious of your maternity nurse?! Good luck with your babies, I hope it is all going well.

I had day 4 baby blues, and sobbed my heart out because I realised that one day I would die, and wouldn't be there to protect my beautiful child anymore.

I'm normally very positive, so no idea where it came from! Luckily had my mother staying, who indulged my tears then explained about baby blues !

Well my experience wasn't like that so yabu I think.
I did feel tired and a bit overwhelmed by the responsibility but it wasn't awful. I was just glad to be home!

I also never got the baby blues, random crying fits. sore, cracked nipples or any of the other horrors that people talk about. I DID find it tough and felt quite down in many occasions so it wasn't all perfect but that came after several months.

MW did check on me to make sure I did'nt have the five day blues with pfb.

Which I've never had with any of them - luckily - though with 3rd MW insisted we go in next day to hospital after HB day before - and kept us waiting hours for the most cursory of checks in hot wards. I did get weepy after that as I came back to a houseful of guests who wanted waiting on and entertaining - and I was tired and had had enough.

Regardless of wether op is or isn't grateful I will stand my ground on standing up to a bunch of bullies. I sleep really well at night, do you? :)

As I said you want to call me a bully report me or at the very least copy and paste my posts where I have bullied the OP.

If you can't do that then you have no right to call me a bully. In fact I would say that it makes YOU the bully Keep

Ah... I expected that one :) very predictable Indeedy. :)

Really?

I have asked you twice now to copy my posts where I have bullied the OP.

You have not done it, yet you continue to call me a bully. Why have you not shown me my posts where I have bullied the OP?

You have misquoted me and taken what I have said out of context trying to prove I am a bully but you have failed.

Bullying comes in many forms and your sheer instances without proof that I have bullied the OP is a form of harassment which also goes by the term bullying.

Either show me the posts or do one keep because you are making yourself look very stupid.

I love the bringing them home day

Both times (following c section) we got home, cuddled up on the sofa with sleepy newborns, watched a movie, had naps then had family over in the evening who made fantastic meals and drank champagne!

DD2 was summer and I sat outside with her while DH watered the plants. It was blissful

I hope this thread gets taken down. I feel really bad for OP. The opinions always come in bandwagon waves but this absolutely takes the piss. It was an innocent enough aibu for fuck sake.

Apart from feeling like I'd been cut in two, born Friday, home Saturday, entire family round Sunday, no probs. just had one though, respect for twins!

Wow. What horrible horrible people some of you are. Yeah I know, helpful. But Jesus.

(btw I didn't know fucktard was disablist either)

Wow. Just came to read updates and I really think people are been extremely harsh. Yes OP was UR for stating all new mums but to start pulling her apart like this is way out of order. AIBU can really turn into a pack hunt sometimes.

Op hide the thread and don't look at it again.

Yabu.

Who on earth would need (or want) to hear that?!

Also unaware of fucktard being disabilist, have never heard it before and when heard it here didn't think if it being disabilist.

OP I think its absolutely fine to share your story, it's not horrific and would no way not be told in case it puts off other soon to give birth mothers. People need to know it isn't like the magazines all rosy and earth mother like. If it is exhausting like you described you expected its if it is earth mother like, its better than you expected. Win win.

Hope your having a good cuddle with your twins and ignoring this thread

The OP was fouled mouthed and used disabilist language. I for one think that is out of order.

I couldn't careless about her coming home experience but I do think she needs to apologise for the language she used. There is never an excuse for using such vile words.

There IS an excuse to use disabilist language. If you don't know what it means. If you continue to use it after you've been told then that's a whole different story.