To not be surprised that divorce rates are so high when I see how some friends treat their husbands??

[PisforPeter]

Just having huge arguments over petty issues, being anal about the childrens routines, making DH sleep in spare room for duration of oregnancy & first 8 months of baby's life too.
Do folk need to chill out a bit or am I being too harsh??
I just find a team approach works better for me??

tell you what op, you raise your kids your way, ok?

But pis, your position is: men are divorcing their wives because they are too uptight, no?

Do you know any cases of this?

Dh would like me to be more uptight :)

You'd be surprised Farley
I work in a marriage guidance setting so I hear all sorts.

From men & women I hasten to add...

Tell me you're not a counsellor?!?!

Oh FGS!

You work in marriage guidance ?

Tbh I have no idea why people bother with relationships at all. Far too much like hard work although I spose sex is quite nice. The amount of friends who aren't 'allowed' to do things as their partners won't let them is astonishing. but then I'm an ugly old cynic who can't keep a man but when I look back wonder why I ever wanted them in the first place!

I take 'working in a marriage guidance setting' means that you fix the vending machine in the waiting room when it is on the blink?

Wow, just reading the OP again makes me really glad that I didn't go to you for marriage guidance!

I was thinking she/he might clean the offices or summat

Nothing wrong with cleaning, but I would say it doesn't necessarily equip you with any insight into healthy relationships. Much like the OP is demonstrating.

O M G

You work in marriage guidance?

Please tell us that you fix their 1950's time machine and don't actually 'help' couples by telling the women to shut up and put up. Please?

It actually wouldn't surprise me if the OP was a marriage guidance counsellor. Quite a few times I've heard of women being told by (usually male, but not always) counsellors that they need to have more sex or stop nagging, when in fact that male partner is an arsehole who knows what to say to make himself look like a victim. In general, women are expected to do whatever it takes to make a relationship "work," even if the man is a total shithead.

...and this is why I don't think much of joint relationship counselling and never have done

it boils down to how savvy the counsellor is (often, not very) and who shouts the fucking loudest (usually the abuser in the relationship)

I quite agree.

I found it fascinating to see the relationship advice people dole out on mumsnet and then after being on here a while to realise that most of those I disagree with have been unlucky in love.

I think those in loving relationships tend to be more tolerant and forgiving, those who haven't been so lucky tend to be more dictatorial.

My DH is currently sleeping in the spare because we have a 7 week old EBF baby and our toddler often sneaks in too in the middle of the night. He is there by choice and gets a lovely 8 hour uninterrupted sleep, the poor bastard, I bet he divorces me soon.

I completely disagree there, joy

I think that those in loving relationships think that the bar should be set higher, a lot higher

Are we supposed to read your username as Piss for Peter?

I think there's a compromise to be had joys mum and anyfucker.
Both these scenarios will end in tears:

1. Where one partner is a doormat, and the other takes the piss
2. Where once a baby is on the scene, all fun must stop.

DH would have loved to have slept in the spare room for an uninterrupted night's sleep. Why on earth would that be related to high divorce rates? Quite the opposite I would have thought.

I'm also not sure what children's routine has got to do with anything either. I didn't have much of one (apart from bedtime routine) but I'm sure that DH wouldn't have cared one way or the other.

Your description of your job (work in a marriage guidance setting) is very vague. Are you are marriage guidance counsellor or something else (e.g. receptionist)?

Yes, as I said before. It's important not to let your new baby's needs, or those of you, the mother, get in the way of your husband's need for sex, for getting pissed, for staying out late, for making the decisions (apart from maybe deciding what laundry detergent to buy, I think women are ok to have that kind of power), or for pursuing his chosen hobby.
If you can't meet those needs then don't be surprised if he goes elsewhere for it (sex, getting pissed..) or divorces you.

Why is he sleeping in another room anyway?
Oh, probably because his need for an uninterrupted nights sleep is greater than yours.

no way does this character work in marriage guidance.

Maybe he works for nuts magazine.

women don't tend to give out about their husbands if their husbands are doing even....... lets be honest 35% of the housework, 35% of the childcare.

My first husband was awful. Absolutely awful and I apologise to nobody for being the one to end it! I don't care about contributing to divorce statistics ! what a thought!

I'm just glad to be rid of an entitled selfish man. If I get married in the future I'll marry somebody decent.

CailinDana, wow, yeh, I have heard this too. Dreadful. Aren't they told that contributions and sacrifices should be equal

amanda all that angst could be solved with just a daily blowjob dontcha know

Better get that 'new' engagement ring whilst you can, OP, unless you have a crystal ball to foretell the future.

You're incredibly smug and, I think, goady. I know it's Friday but that's traditionally 'bumsex' for MN threads, not this.