To not be surprised that divorce rates are so high when I see how some friends treat their husbands??

[PisforPeter]

Just having huge arguments over petty issues, being anal about the childrens routines, making DH sleep in spare room for duration of oregnancy & first 8 months of baby's life too.
Do folk need to chill out a bit or am I being too harsh??
I just find a team approach works better for me??

[QisforQcumber]

I read this article in the telegraph last year

Link

Top 10

Affair (33 per cent)
Selfishness (22 per cent)
Personality traits (14 per cent)
Abusive behaviour (14 per cent)
Different expectations from life (13 per cent)
We’re not compatible (13 per cent)
Job loss or debt (12 per cent)
Interfering in-laws (11 per cent)
Got married too young (9 per cent)
Political beliefs (8 per cent)

[PisforPeter]

Well spotted Scotland
I'm having a MN catch up

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

I just find a team approach works better for me??

Bully for you. It works well for me too. Shame it didn't for my stbx. Actually what seemed to work for him was to do fuck all except shout and swear and be abusive to both myself and the dcs, while leaving all the stress and responsibility to me. Not sure that really comes under "team approach." I decided to ditch the "team approach" when he started being physically abusive to our dcs and now he is "stbx." I guess that officially moves him to "team twat."

[scotchtikidoll]

Sorry, what I meant to say was constant petty arguments are as a result of deeper problems. Little arguments from time to time are completely normal- everyone has their off days and we take it out on the other person by snapping and getting a bit more annoyed when someone does something irritating. It doesn't make you any less of a team. As long as you apologise when you get it wrong, and don't launch into nasty PAs.

[PisforPeter]

I'm sorry about that Alice.
Physical or verbal abuse is always wrong & well done for getting out of that situation & keeping your children safe.

[FruVikingessOla]

"Starter marriage is just an entry-level relationship". Oh don't be so ridiculous, IrianofWay.

You can get into an 'entry-level relationship' (what sort of ridiculous stuff are you reading?) without having to get married.

[Anewmeanewname]

How long have you been married op? And how many dc do you have?

No offense meant, but you strike me as rather green!

[IrianofWay]

""Starter marriage is just an entry-level relationship". Oh don't be so ridiculous, IrianofWay.

You can get into an 'entry-level relationship' (what sort of ridiculous stuff are you reading?) without having to get married.

[scotchtikidoll]

PisForPeter affairs happen because people can't keep it in their bloody pants.

If you're unhappy to the point where you start wanting to sleep with other people then just do everyone a favour and leave. There is absolutely no justification for cheating.

[AMumInScotland]

It does rather look like you're having a smug and/or goady "Oh my relationship is so much better than other people's, it couldn't possibly fail because I'm so wonderful and my husband agrees" sort of vibe here today.

Which is rather dismissive of all the many and complicated reasons why marriages fail, down to faults on both sides in the majority of cases, and with the 'fault' spread between both men and women being unreasonable where it's more one-sided.

If your friends are having 'petty' arguments they are probably frazzled, and need support rather than judging.

[arethereanyleftatall]

You are obviously right, but what is the point of your post? If course it's better to work as a team. Really bit sure what you want people to say.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

So your position is; there are lots of divorces and most of them are because women aren't nice/intimate enough to their husbands?

Can I just clarify that is your theory?

[arethereanyleftatall]

Of course
Really not

[PisforPeter]

No Farleys
But perhaps a proportion

[arethereanyleftatall]

Two things I do think are absolute nonsense, which I have only ever seen on mn and never in real life...

1. Husband out at work and commute for 12 hours, poster at home with one nt baby, an expects husband to pitch in with house work...
   
2. Husband 'not allowed' to do anything they like doing...
   

Here comes the divorce...

[OfaFrenchMind]

I agree, to a certain point (only to a point, mind). I think that we should also be able to discuss something like that without getting defensive and saying that "we are back in the 50's".
Of course a slacking, abusive or controlling husband is not acceptable.
He has a baby, or a child, his family should become his priority, and taking care and supporting of his wife is paramount.
But a wife that consider that slagging off her husband when he is not perfect is not ok.
Neither is sending him to the sofa or another room to make place for the baby, if he does not offer it.
Also, if we want him to be considered an actual parent, other than just a bread-winner, letting your DH take actual parenting decisions should be important (positive motivation to stay actively involved!), even if you are not crazy about them!
So YANBU (but this should not turn into automatic wife-blaming)

[Rafanderpants]

I agree OP, same with men too though they way I hear some talk to their partners, works both ways.

But yes, mainly my female friends.

[ImperialBlether]

Piss for Peter? No, thanks!

[PisforPeter]

Exactly French Mind, you put it much better than me!!

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

YANBU
Really these women should be paying more attention to their relationships so that their men don't feel so pushed it and imasculated
Hopefully national campaigns such as "steak and blow job day" can help to redress the balance.
Fo

[PisforPeter]

Nice to meet you too AmandaClarke

[OfaFrenchMind]

"steak and blow job day" :)
I would vote for this, but only if their is a "Humongous amount of cake and cunni day" 2 weeks before. Make them work for it!

[FruVikingessOla]

IrianofWay. Because you can meet a guy, move in together, have a 'living together' relationship before you take the big step of getting married and making a commitment to each other for the rest of your lives.

Many relationships fail, sadly, but at least if they break up pre-marriage (and let's assume no DC at the time), then, well, that's life.

To assume that a 'starter marriage' is an 'entry-level relationship' which is just a rehearsal for a serious, long-term marriage is slightly odd.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

What goes on in my family mostly works, I would not expect it to work in other families.

DS has a strict routine, try's our best not to break it. Break the routine and we break the calm.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

What proportion?

Genuinely, what proportion of divorces do you think come about because men find their wives are anal about their kids bedtimes? I'm so intrigued.