To not be surprised that divorce rates are so high when I see how some friends treat their husbands??

[PisforPeter]

Just having huge arguments over petty issues, being anal about the childrens routines, making DH sleep in spare room for duration of oregnancy & first 8 months of baby's life too.
Do folk need to chill out a bit or am I being too harsh??
I just find a team approach works better for me??

[deakymom]

my uncle has been married 4 times his twin (my dad) twice now i know my dad has a wandering "third leg" im assuming his twin is similar some of the marriages broke down without children and they both worked 12 hour night/day shifts for about thirty years not sure how many petty arguments they had to break them up from their wives and im pretty sure my dads ahem "leg" had a lot to do with marriage breakdown (plus his drinking did i mention the drinking?)

he is not a team player his first marriage did last 20 years though

[Lonecatwithkitten]

I would worry about that upgraded engagement ring. I got to choose a massive upgrade, I now know it was pretty much to the day he started shagging someone else. As he had no input into it I think of it as my divorce ring and wear it's massive sparkliness for me.

[sarahquilt]

I'm utterly amazed when I read about women kicking the husband out of bed so they can co-sleep with a baby. I think it's incredibly inconsiderate. Baby needs their own safe cot or moses basket to sleep in and parents should be in bed.

[wheresthelight]

Yabu and actually quite insulting

I am getting divorces from someone I had no kids with because he was an emotionally abusive passive aggressive arsehole who kept me under house arrest and accused me constantly of having an affair with any man I happened to mention.

[Tallandgracefulmum]

Some people are never satisfied, many moan and winge about their DHs, so what, then they go home and have sex. TBH the divorce rate is high because of unrealistic expectations, and other factors. Most of what you mentioned goes on in many marriages that last.

[Hup]

I always thought this as my husband and I were so respectful of each other ... Then he left me!

[Thumbwitch]

Tallandgraceful - yes, my parents bickered and whinged a lot but they were married until my mum died.

I was thinking about the statement a PP made above re. friends:
"If you wouldn't speak like that to your best friend, you shouldn't speak like that to your partner."
DH made a comment recently about how I wouldn't speak to my best friend the way I talk to him, and he's right, I wouldn't - but then my best friend wouldn't behave the way he does either (or be in the same situations, tbf).
Made him think when I said that to him. It's not one way traffic - as I've said before, if he frequently behaves like an immature twat, then he's going to end up being treated like an immature twat. (He sounds a prize doesn't he; me too, I'm sure! But we are still happy together)

[ConstableOdo]

There's no need for anal retentiveness about your children's routines... if other people's children are anything like mine then I'm pretty sure children do the anal retentiveness perfectly well themselves.

Seriously... if we don't do dinner, then potty, then bath, then story, then song, then bed, in that order, with no omissions... boooom!

[MollyWhuppie]

sarahquilt my husband was delighted to get a full night's sleep I the spare when we had a baby that woke several times a night and a three year old who ran into our room every night and got into bed with us, who we were both just too bloody tired to take back to their own room. No kicking out required - my DH practically skipped on air to the spare room, while I took on the brunt of the night wakings.

You do realise co-sleeping quite often just happens as a way to get a tiny bit more sleep, and is not a conscious decision don't you? If you have a baby that wakes up a lot, sometimes it's just a hell of a lot easier to co-sleep. Or are you saying that women should sacrifice that tiny extra bit of sleep just in order to share their bed with their husband? When the husband gets disturbed by the constant wakings and wife getting in an out of the bed, and being kicked in the head by the toddler??

[Jengnr]

I thought one parent in the spare room was working as a team? We have a rule - whoever is getting up with the baby/doing the night wakings gets our bed.

Most of the time we're back in our own bed together these days but on occasion it's still called upon if the baby kicks off. It gives the on duty parent flexibility - we can co sleep if we want (I hate it, he loves it) or we can be up and down all night or whatever without interrupting the one sleeping.

[Beautifulmonster]

YABU. You really cannot comment on other people's relationships because you don't know the whole picture. I used to be good at putting on a united couple front in public or with friends but no one knew the truth. Also what works for one couple might not for another. Let them all get on with it!

[coffeeslave]

Coming to this late, but I've heard the phrase Starter Marriage but thought it really was only relevant in the USA, where age of first marriage is MUCH younger than the UK (something like 24 vs 29). The USA is a lot more conservative than the UK in a lot of ways, so people get married younger because cohabiting isn't always acceptable (and break up more!)