To be so angry that MIL fed DS 4month

[PretzelPrincess]

So I left DS who is 4 moths old with MIL just while I popped to the super market, half an hour max. I come back and she's feeding him a banana He's 4 months and I have explicitly said over and over I don't want to give him solids just yet. I'm so angry just thinking about it. I feel totally undermined. Don't trust her with DS anymore. Urghhhhhh.

I guess it depends on pov. I don't see a small but of banana as "feeding". It's more a play thing.

Had she cooked a roast and wizzed it and portioned it and fed him that and then have you the rest for the freezer I'd agree. That's way above expectation.

A bit of biscuit, slice of pear, peach, banana etc if she's eating it is play thing first as he's only going to eat it by accident as he's gripping it. It's assuming that milk is priority (bf or ff). It's about slippery texture, dexterity.

I've had two. I also didn't wean til six months as per guidance. An occasional bit of something isn't feeding. It's playing. He's not going to get sustenance from it.

That's my penneth anyway. Fully expect to see this on a "things I did with my pfb but now think is silly" in about 3 yrs.

Really Bearfrills? If someone ignored your specific instructions with regards to your child and undermined you, you'd let it go? Crikey!

I wouldn't. I'd be fizzing. I wouldn't leave my child with her unsupervised again until I got an apology and an undertaking that she would respect my decisions in future.

It's not about the banana. It's about the MIL going behind the OP's back. How can the OP possibly trust the MIL?

It's only a banana..........not the point.

Parent and PILs sometimes like to flex their muscles a bit when it comes to grandchildren. I would explain that they must not feed him again and would think twice about leaving child in their care if they want to ignore your wishes.

My Dm was a nightmare with my kids. They were both EBF so on the slim side as babies. She just kept going on about my milk 'not being enough'. Really made me feel great....not. She was desperate to give them a bottle. I would never have left them in her care for this and other reasons.

Cannot believe how worked up people are about this. The "guidance" shifts around and is not infallible: it's a bit of banana not a cigar and a glass of port. I doubt that the MiL was being deliberately undermining- she probably just thought that the baby would like a taste or was hungry. As for all those who think that a child's first banana is a major life experience which must remain strictly reserved to the parents, I really do think that you have lost any sense of proportion.

At worst, this is grounds for slight irritation not a major family rift

YANBU!! I would be furious if anyone had given any of my babies food before 6 months. I really hope dh speaks to her.

Was it a mashed banana or a whole one to bite through? If the former, that would count as baby food, wouldn't it? If the latter, yes, I'd be a bit cross as well because I'd missed 'that moment'.

Why would you doubt that she was being deliberately undermining vix? OP has already said she feels there will be an all out war if she says anything to MIL about this so she doesn't sound like a kind loving granny to me.

Do people really not get that this has nothing to do with the banana and everything to do with control and lack of boundaries?

Yy Lotta.

And if the OP nicely says something along the lines of "please don't feed baby, DH and I will decide when we are ready to do so" and it causes a major family rift - then that says more about MIL then OP.

And actually, for some people, giving their first baby their first food is a pretty special moment not to be missed.

I'd have been furious too OP.

I'm just relieved that your baby doesn't appear to have had any adverse reaction - banana is a trigger for anaphylaxis in some people, so for some babies it isn't 'just a bit of banana' - and she couldn't have known whether your DS would be affected.

She knew the OPs wishes! it had been discussed.

What is the obsession with weaning babies, people really fixate on it. I was at a party at the weekend and there was a four month old there. The grandmother arrived and gave the mum a big bag of weaning stuff and began harping on about how hungry he was to anyone who would listen. This was the mums third and the GMs 5th DGC all weaned at 6 months. People need to get over this already.

It seems to be worse with baby boys too - they are deemed to be hungrier than girls and in need of weaning earlier. Such rot.

Advice about things changes - that's how science and research works! As a previous poster said, it is not done just to make life hell for parents or grandparents and doesn't mean you did anything 'wrong' if you followed the current advice 'in your day'

Yanbu you need to tell her your baby isnt on solids he doesnt need anything,
in my day babies were weaned at this age I didnt wean dd2 she wasnt ready she was prem I caught my mil and mum trying to give her a little taste of white chocolate and rusk
ì was furious, you dont have to ban you mil from seei g your baby it was bananna it really wont harm but you need to be fiirm your mil willl tut think you are being precious and a loon but she needs telling

A couple of weeks into weaning I gave DS1 some baby porridge, allegedly safe for babies aged 4-6 months. He ended up with me running him into the GPs around the corner with his face swelling rapidly, his eyes too swollen to open. I was cautious over starting weaning DS2 and noticed that a lot of foods aimed at 4-6 month olds contains common allergens. Both DSs showed they were ready to start weaning just before 6 months, but that was my responsibility to judge the timing and the food on offer. I would have been very annoyed if that had been undermined.

It really doesn't seem to be a PiL/Parents thing so much as a women thing, FiLs/DFs and DHs don't seem to end up on threads for giving baby first solids/haircuts/ear piercings etc behind its mother's back. From an anthropological POV this kind of thing fascinates me because it seems as a PP said, about exerting hierarchy and status.

I'm baffled by the 'oh but it was only a banana, get over it' line - the OP hardly said no, we've decided to follow guidelines about not feeding him solids yet, unless it's a banana or a bit or pear or something healthy or whatever the hell you feel like, she said no. No. So to go against that isn't just handing the baby something healthy to play with or a nice gesture, it's knowingly doing something you have been specifically asked not to do by the baby's parents. How is this ok? It's absolutely getting one over on someone, it's blatantly disrespectful and dishonest.

Yes it seem to be a granny thing men dont really give a fig its the granny thinking they know better I bet their dc grannys were doing the same to them

The fact it's a banana is irrelevant FFS!

It's not the mil's baby, she has no right to decide to feed a non weaned baby.

I don't get the fuss about rushing to wean either. Weaning is a faff.

I think Grannies can be undermining.

I think Grandads can be stupid!

(Disclaimer, some, of course not all!)

My Dad kept giving 3 month old DS drops of wine and sherry off his finger I was NOT happy. And he carried on when I asked him to stop!

I am with weatherall and the "it's only a banana" brigade. The rest of you seem a control freakish and PFB. There was no harm done. The GM has an invested interest in the baby - not as much as the mother, but definitely a close bond. She may even have some wisdom (feeding guidelines change all the time).

OP by all means don't let your MIL do you the favour of looking after your baby again whilst you do something fun/ necessary. I am sure (not) that a paid sitter will be loads more caring. I am sure that not having a close GP in his life will be of benefit to your DS. I am sure that the family ructions will be worth it so that you are TOTALLY sure that your PFB will never again be fed anything outside your direct and total control by people who love him.

I despair.

I have four Dc's all adult now but weaned one at 4months ,2 at 5, the other at 6 months all led by the individual child and what suited them, and I as their mother knew them and what suited them as the OP surely does.
None of my DC's cut their first tooth until they were nearly a year old and the problems I had with people giving them unsuitable foods, and the "choking " incidents were numerous. I had to be very loud and assertive to stop people giving my DC's slices of apple, biscuits, etc, and I'm sure people thought I was being fussy.

Why is it felt acceptable to go against the Mothers wishes.

..as for firsts - my PAID fully trained nanny gave my PFB her first ever toy to play with that I had bought as her Christmas present (it arrived by courier whilst I was at work) on the basis the baby "would not remember" when it came to Xmas day. I was upset but I did not immediately over react and take the baby away from her care. Proportion.

I started weaning one of mine at 4 months. My choice. That isn't the point. The point is that MIL has gone against your parenting decisions and your instructions. I wouldn't leave him alone with her again, and she'd know why.

The 'just be grateful your MiL cares and looks after your baby for you, how dare you mind about whatever she does against your wishes or think you might know better' line of thought reminds me a lot of the 'just be grateful the NRP bothers to have any contact with your child at all, so the RP must have no feelings and selflessly put up with any amount of grief and do all the respecting and all of the giving way in the relationship'.

I'm sure the MiL loves the baby. Does that seriously mean that she is justified in intentionally ignoring and overruling her grandchild's mother in any way she likes while the mother's back is turned? Does that seriously mean the OP has no valid feelings or right to express them, or feel any loss of trust in this relationship?

So that's a major first you and your DH have missed out on because of her selfish actions.

What else could she do next time? I'd not leave the baby with her for a good while to come.

What time have they been getting to ours?

Please ignore I thought I was texting dh!