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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just got really annoyed with dh because he said the tea lady at work is lovely & really 'cheers him up' - AIBU?

154 replies

shakethetree · 07/07/2014 07:45

He said she's attractive and when she asks him if he's had a good day she sounds like she really means it - he went on to say she's like that with everyone, but it was when he said she really cheers him up I got a bit annoyed.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

settingsitting · 07/07/2014 11:30

You say that you can be a bit jealous sometimes.
Are you feeling your normal self lately, and this has maybe got things a bit out of proportion?

I was asked that once on mumsnet about something else entirely. And I said no. But a few days later, I realised that the answer was yes.

peggyundercrackers · 07/07/2014 11:58

speak about blowing something all out of proportion - I cant believe anyone would have any kind of jealousy feelings over a comment like "she cheers me up but is like that with everyone" do people really feel insecure over these type of comments? honestly... get a f grip.

AlleyCat11 · 07/07/2014 12:10

Quite silly! Am always telling my bloke about nice fellas I work with, taxi drivers, waiters. Men I've chatted to in bars. Women I've met in shops. If somebody pays me a compliment or we made a connection, yes it cheers me up. And I pass on the good vibe to him. He does the same to me, gets on great with other females. And males. Likewise, if somebody pisses us off, we'll share it & have a vent.

InThisTogether · 07/07/2014 12:10

agree with this.

This is your issue, not his.

YABU, sorry.

Kewcumber · 07/07/2014 12:36

He's 48 and should have "outgrown this sort of thing"?!

What?! Saying women are attractive and cheery? Good lord - I'm 49 and single - should I apply for my bus pass now and stop smiling at shop assistants.

I flirted mildly with a builder this morning. Now I'm worried he think thats totally inappropriate for such an old woman.

If a nice man (of any age or attractiveness) smiled and asked me about my day, I'd no doubt feel a bit perked up. We're social animals and I'm a bit horrified by the idea that its only acceptable to feel lifted by someone sanctioned by marriage or family ties. And that to think otherwise appears to be too cool for school.

Makes me glad I'm not married and can smile at whomever I llike without any angst.

RumAppleGinger · 07/07/2014 13:44

My husband openly admits to loving his tea lady but that's generally because she brings him tea three times a day (yes, three!). If he brought home a tabard and asked me to wear it in the bedroom I'd be a little miffed but until then I'll just assume he's having a friendly chat with another human being.

IrianofWay · 07/07/2014 13:47

I suspect the tea lady at my work cheers a lot of men up. Because she pushed a heated trolley loaded with potatoes wedge, sausage rolls, bacon sandwiches and cheesy chips. She is also quite cheerful. Not pretty though (well not iMI but maybe to others)

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 07/07/2014 14:56

she's like that with everyone - so not really a problem then. YABU.

Maybe he's at work bemoaning the fact you talked raved about Roger Federer.

lagoon · 07/07/2014 15:41

YABU, but I would be the same I think and I know I have insecuritiy issues which are slowly getting better. They're unreasonable emotions when it's all totally unfounded, you need to work on yours.

SquigglySquid · 07/07/2014 15:52

My husband works with a bunch of women that he adores. Really, it isn't a big deal. He enjoys his job because of them. I'd rather him come home in a good mood because he has workers he gets along with than to come home weary and exhausted from the day.

doobledootch · 07/07/2014 16:00

Well it's never nice feeling that twinge of jealousy but I do think you're being unreasonable.

I like chatting to the cleaner at work, he's a fairly attractive younger man and we have some interesting chats. I don't want to shag him though.

Deathraystare · 07/07/2014 17:19

I'm jealous of a workplace with someone who brings tea.

Same here Euphemia!

I am even more unreasonable as I am not working at the moment!!!!!!

Gruntfuttock · 07/07/2014 17:28

"He's 48 fgs, you'd think he'd have outgrown this sort of thing"

Outgrown what sort of thing? Being cheered up? You sound absolutely ridiculous to me OP. Unbelievably unreasonable!

motherinferior · 07/07/2014 17:34

I am clearly really cool, because I'd quite like poor old Mr Inferior to have a cheery - and even quite gorgeous - tealady to cheer his day. He's 48 too.

I miss the days when we had an organic veg box delivered by hunky Antipodeans.

Original poster

shakethetree · 07/07/2014 19:31

48 ( or even 68 ) isn't too old to find the opposite sex attractive, of course it isn't, but it's too old to have a crush on someone, that's what I meant.

OP posts:

doobledootch · 07/07/2014 19:35

You can enjoy a daily interaction with someone without having a crush on them though.

Heels99 · 07/07/2014 19:37

He doesn't say he does have a crush on her! You are turning this into something it's not. It's a cuppa from a friendly face!

SpeedofSound0 · 07/07/2014 19:37

You sound like quite an insecure and maybe quite a possessive person to be honest. Your DH was telling you about a harmless compliment that you are blowing up out of proportion.

This tea lady is nice to everybody, he has stated that right? Maybe he doesn't get to hear many nice sentiments at work in general, it brightened his mood up that day. We are only human you know, men and women like to hear pleasantries exchanged from time to time, it is normal human interaction.

And all men and women like to feel attractive, it doesn't mean they are going to have an affair with someone.

You may have low self-esteem about yourself, talk to your husband, because I get the impression that there may be a general lack of communication in your marriage and your imagination is doing overtime.

I am not going to say get a grip like other posters have, that is a bit harsh, but ask yourself why you are making a big deal over something quite trivial. Is it a symptom of a bigger issue that needs to be resolved?

TheHouseCleaner · 07/07/2014 19:38

"Personally, if it carries on bothering you, I would ask to be introduced or wait outside of work with him so that you can see or meet her."

settingsitting, do you really suggest that the OP stalks her husband's colleagues? Jeez!

shakethetree, YABU.

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 07/07/2014 20:36

Outgrown what exactly op? I think it's more you who should have outgrown this sort of thing. There's nothing to be annoyed/jealous of!
I accept I'm not a very jealous person at all I may even be a cool wife but my DH says things like this all the time. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. YABU

BackforGood · 07/07/2014 20:53

YABU and blowing this out of all proportion.

You started, by commenting on someone looking Italian, he mentioned that this lady looks a bit Italian - That's why she came into the conversation (can't remember who it was that asked)

I'd be pleased that my dh gets on with work colleagues, can have a chat and a laugh.

I too am very jealous of the idea of having a tea lady, but I guess that's not the point of this thread....

IamRechargingthankYou · 07/07/2014 21:05

Many years ago I worked as a Tea Lady (age 19) pushing an urn around offices twice a day - I can honestly say that it was the only job I have ever had where everybody, including women, without fail looked pleased to see me. Whilst I might have been younger and prettier then, the uniform including delightful headscarf said it all really. You have nothing to worry about...I never got asked out for a date even by the not so very good looking young single guys. Maybe the Tea Lady (and who knows she might leave and be replaced by Tea Man) is the only person in the office with any positives (tea) and the rest are dullards.

motherofmonster · 07/07/2014 22:15

Think he likes her more for the fact that he said it seems like she really means it when she asks how his day was...perhaps a hint for you??

Oh and to really rub it in we used to have a tea lady.....and a massage lady too in my old office

settingsitting · 07/07/2014 22:16

Not stalking!
But "meeting" her, yes definitely if it might help.

But no use at all if you cant people read in the slightest.

Original poster

shakethetree · 07/07/2014 22:31

Thanks everyone, you've all been really kind actually ( considering this is AIBU ) I've just read every reply & I know I am being unreasonable, I was just feeling a bit down this morning ( Monday morning blues maybe? ) if only there were more people who cheered us up perhaps the world would be a better place. Power to the tea ladies!

( but if he mentions her again I'll kill him )

OP posts:

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