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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just got really annoyed with dh because he said the tea lady at work is lovely & really 'cheers him up' - AIBU?

154 replies

shakethetree · 07/07/2014 07:45

He said she's attractive Hmm and when she asks him if he's had a good day she sounds like she really means it - he went on to say she's like that with everyone, but it was when he said she really cheers him up I got a bit annoyed.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
UncleT · 07/07/2014 10:02

YABU.

settingsitting · 07/07/2014 10:04

You have not mentioned how long you have been together.

If he is 48, and you have been with him for ages, I would have thought that this scenario would have cropped up a long time ago.

VSeth · 07/07/2014 10:07

My DH has a tea lady at work too, she sounds lovely however she can't make a decent cup of tea! I have met her and she is lovely.

What are you worried about op? Just because she is nice doesn't mean she is after your man.

Glastokitty · 07/07/2014 10:13

I work in an office in a shipyard. There are precisely two attractive men that work there (out of hundreds). I have to say it brightens my day for five minutes if I have a meeting with them, my husband doesn't give a monkeys, he knows I'm not going to be recreating my heart will go on with any of them. He certainly isn't going to lurk outside wanting to meet them! because that would be fucking bonkers

Infinity8 · 07/07/2014 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 07/07/2014 10:17

I am an old bat but I can look at someone and think they are attractive, male or female. It doesn't mean I want to shag them ffs. The young fella that cleans my windows is in his 20s and very attractive but no I still don't want to shag him. I do wonder if his eyebrows are naturally symmetrical or does he get them waxed Grin .

Original poster
shakethetree · 07/07/2014 10:18

We've been together for over 20 years.
I don't know, maybe I'm being silly but it did upset me a bit. I don't think he's going to run off with her or anything, but maybe I need to take more interest in his day & 'really mean it'

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant away. I've calmed down now.

OP posts:
LeBearPolar · 07/07/2014 10:18

YABU

Roger Federer so doesn't look Italian! Shock

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 07/07/2014 10:19

Maybe he was after a cup of tea?

Branleuse · 07/07/2014 10:21

if a hot bloke made me tea every day it would definitely cheer me up.

Have you considered dressing up as a tea lady for him

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 07/07/2014 10:24

I wonder do Ann Summers do a tea lady outfit?
I wonder does it come with a teapot with a big spout?

I'm a little teapot will never be the same again

EarthWindFire · 07/07/2014 10:27

Really settingsitting ? If I was the tea lady and the wife if a colleague waited outside of my work for me I'd be having a word with the police.

Me too Shock

musicalendorphins2 · 07/07/2014 10:29

shakethetree

She probably is friendly, outgoing and warm to everyone, knows all their names, what their "regular"s are. She probably cheer you up if you worked there too. Does she go through the entire building?

You can cheer his day up too, send a little note or some thing in his work case or lunch or whatever he takes to work.
.

CuChullain · 07/07/2014 10:30

"I wonder do Ann Summers do a tea lady outfit?"

They do, it has jammy dodger nipple clamps and tea towel basque!

SweetsForMySweet · 07/07/2014 10:31

YABU. Sometimes when you are having a bad day or just sick of work place politics, it's refreshing to have a light hearted chat/laugh with someone and a break. It doesn't mean anything. You will look like a fruit loop and embarrass yourself, your dh and her if you make more of this than it is

SixImpossible · 07/07/2014 10:34

when she asks him if he's had a good day she sounds like she really means it - he went on to say she's like that with everyone

Perhaps I am innocent and naive, but that doesn't sound to me like an incipient or active affair.

Perhaps a more appropriate response would be to ask whether he is happy at his work. If he needs cheering up, then might it be time to look for a change?

Anyway, OP, YABU. Your feelings. May not be warranted, may not be constructive, but that's how you feel. Now if you had asked "WIBU to stalk them/poison the custard creams/stab her with a plastic tea-stirrer?" then YWBBU.

Branleuse · 07/07/2014 10:36

i bet shes giving him the come on from behind the lazy susan

SweetsForMySweet · 07/07/2014 10:43

It's nice that after 20+ years you still get jealous, you love your husband and I'm sure he loves you and won't run off with the tea lady.
I was always chatty and chirpy when I spoke with visitors at work, it passed the day a little quickier and sometimes if I was having a bad day, it cheered me up and showed me that there are good people in the world. I had no romantic interest in any of them but it made me forget about the stuff that was bothering me for a while. Unless you dh has cheated in the past, I don't think you should worry about it now

Original poster
shakethetree · 07/07/2014 10:46

Music: I send him a few texts during the day to ask how he is & to hopefully cheer him up, but it looks like she cheers him up too.
< I must stop over thinking this. >

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 07/07/2014 11:08

shake are you dissatisfied with your own life?

I would find it very odd if my husband started texting me to cheer me up/have chats in the day, and even odder if he started taking an interest in who I chatted with during the day- surely some social interaction, of the pleasant, chatty or even vaguely flirtatious (if innocent, in front of others, not leading to anything) kind is normal?

Heels99 · 07/07/2014 11:10

Hire yourself a butler in the buff for they day?

MajorieDaws · 07/07/2014 11:17

Maybe it's the way she stirs his pot if you know what I mean

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/07/2014 11:19

I would probably wonder why this had popped into DH's mind before work on a Monday morning too. It's probably innocent enough though.

ExcuseTypos · 07/07/2014 11:22

Maybe she goes that bit further....

You know, gives him a biscuit. That's why he likes her.

settingsitting · 07/07/2014 11:28

It sounds like his comment hit a nerve with you.

I suspect that this is all more about you, than about him or the tea lady.

Glad that the rant has helped.
I think, like you say that it sounds like you need to be interested in his day more.

Cheerful texts and notes are a good idea.
But also bear in mind that lots of things and people cheer us all up daily.
I dont know if you are a SAHM, but I find that even little chats with the supermarket tillers can be quite cheerful. And shop assistants in general for example.