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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just got really annoyed with dh because he said the tea lady at work is lovely & really 'cheers him up' - AIBU?

154 replies

shakethetree · 07/07/2014 07:45

He said she's attractive Hmm and when she asks him if he's had a good day she sounds like she really means it - he went on to say she's like that with everyone, but it was when he said she really cheers him up I got a bit annoyed.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CuChullain · 07/07/2014 08:21

"YANBU. The fact he also mentioned that she is attractive would make me twitchy. Certain things, partners should keep to themselves."

Seriously?

PiperRose · 07/07/2014 08:23

Really settingsitting ? If I was the tea lady and the wife if a colleague waited outside of my work for me I'd be having a word with the police.

Amrapaali · 07/07/2014 08:25

I don't think the OP is worried about it developing into a full-blown affair. We all find people attractive at one time or the other, and most of the time we do share it with husbands/wives in a jokey way.

But the fact that someone else other than your wife is cheering you up/ putting a smile on your face, someone other than family or friend- that is going into emotional territory. And you can be more jealous and possessive of this than a beautiful face.

I don't know if I have articulated that well.

whois · 07/07/2014 08:25

In my mind there is a massive difference between:

  1. Oh the tea lady is such a bright and lovely person, a real day of sunshine. Properly brightens up my day having a friendly tea lady come round.

And.

  1. Oh the tea lady is so lovely and mega attractive. Such a hottie. Love it when she take a personal interest in me.

To be fair to the OP it sounds more like number 2. Which I wouldn't really like. Why bother saying how for she is?

CuChullain · 07/07/2014 08:25

"I'm jealous of a workplace with someone who brings tea. "

I was thinking the same!

(slopes off to office kitchen with mug and teabag)

maras2 · 07/07/2014 08:26

He can't wait to get to work,hmm,wonder why? Lighten up a bit love.He wasn't too tactful but I'm sure that he loves you.Jealousy's not nice is it.I remember being beside myself with envy of my then boyfriend's sister's best friend 45 years ago.She was drop dead gorgeous,still is.However I managed to contain it (just) and we've been married for 39 years but I do remember how tummy churning the feeling of jealousy was.

LeBearPolar · 07/07/2014 08:26

I'm with Euphemia - I'm jealous of the fact there's a tea lady. I have to make my own cup of tea in the morning Envy

As for the rest of it, YABU. I'm not an oh-so cool wife but I do happen to believe that men and women can be in the same place without necessarily having to shag. I mean, I don't think they've violated some law of nature if they don't shag.

I'm sorry, did you want me to agree that yes he wants to sweep aside the custard creams and the Earl Grey and go for it over the tea trolley, so LTB?

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun · 07/07/2014 08:28

Of course YABU - tea ladies and hospital domestics are the best in the world at cheering people up.

Kewcumber · 07/07/2014 08:28

Well he won;t tell you next time will he. WIll that solve your problem? Hmm

I remember tea ladies - I didn;t realise they existed anymore [wistful]

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 07/07/2014 08:28

So am I Euphemia
You are jealous OP because your dh talks to another person at work. Not about intimate things but about everday chit chat things. Get a grip.

AnyFucker · 07/07/2014 08:29

Is she Martine McCutcheon ?

LeBearPolar · 07/07/2014 08:29

Grin at AF!

Kewcumber · 07/07/2014 08:30

I would ask to be introduced or wait outside of work with him so that you can see or meet her Really?! Shock

Dear Lord I think I live in a parallel universe sometimes.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/07/2014 08:32

I work in a job similar to the tea lady (if that in fact is her real name). I am polite and chatty and take an interest in my clients day. That does not mean I want to sex them. I am just being nice. I think a lot of people who come to my place of work would say I was nice, but I don't think they think I'm flirting with them.

Obviously you get the odd few who think its something more, but I set them straight.

Just to give you the opposite side OP

ohdearitshappeningtome · 07/07/2014 08:34

Why don't u tell him only just to talk to ....

1.people u have met
2.people u have met and deemed ugly

And then chain him up by the bollocks and never to talk to anyone again!
But in all seriousness ....
I think you need to work on why you are jealous and why u don't trust your partner!Hmm

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/07/2014 08:34

Urgh, now I really want a cup of tea!

Lauren83 · 07/07/2014 08:34

I would feel the same as you I have no issue admitted it, and the fact I may BU

Doubtfuldaphne · 07/07/2014 08:35

It would annoy me aswell OP
my dh used to have a female colleague he mentioned all the time and they'd meet up. He knew I was jealous so they met up in secret.
I wonder if i'd been more 'cool' it would've been a bit more normal (their friendship) but it all felt strange
She's left now thank god
And I am more relaxed.

LeBearPolar · 07/07/2014 08:36
Maybe you should ask for her to be redistributed and for your DH to get the miserable tea lady instead.

But the fact that someone else other than your wife is cheering you up/ putting a smile on your face, someone other than family or friend- that is going into emotional territory.

It's this that makes me think I'm living in a parallel universe. The fact that we should essentially exist in a state of misery unless made to smile by someone with permission to do so: that's bloody sad.

Flisspaps · 07/07/2014 08:36

Is she Hayley from The Call Centre?

Preciousbane · 07/07/2014 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickiFury · 07/07/2014 08:38

Why is she being selfish? Confused

I have never been any one in RL who wouldn't get just a tiny twinge at this. Only on MN are they so frosty cool about such comments.

ConfusedDotty · 07/07/2014 08:39

What's a tea lady??

Thenapoleonofcrime · 07/07/2014 08:41

LeBearPolar agreed, sorry, I couldn't get het up about an attractive tea-lady- he even said she's like that with everyone. Now, if she'd always given him a wink and an extra biscuit...

This is just nothing, and if your husband works in an office with women or meeting clients, they may meet other people even more attractive than you.

I think it depends on the couple if they mention this- I would tell my husband if a new colleague was really handsome and he has worked with some very attractive women in his time, as well as some less attractive ones. I can't live my life in a state of threat about other women, so I don't.

andmyunpopularopionis · 07/07/2014 08:41

Oh goodness me. You are being so unreasonable its funny. How do you possibly expect your relationship to work if the man cannot even talk to another woman workout you being 'twitchy'about it. You need to get over yourself.