To tell SIL she can't be my bridesmaid? Long, sorry.

[CatThiefKeith]

Brief history:

Dh and I booked our wedding 6 years ago, and I asked my dsis to be Matron of honour. Dh said he would like sil to be a bridesmaid, which was fine. Both were asked, and accepted.

Then fil fell ill, and we bought the wedding forward a year, and cancelled the big wedding in favour of a quick to organise registry office. Sadly it was all in vain and fil passed away in the early hours of the morning of our wedding.

We went ahead with the ceremony, but not the reception, and it was a pretty somber affair. Sil understandably did not attend, mil and my dsis were witnesses, then we all went home in tears.

Fast forward 5 years, dh and I are renewing our vows abroad in a couple of months, and are hoping this will be a much happier occasion. (We were originally planning a family holiday, then noticed we could add on the wedding package for around 1k and thought "let's do it")

We now have dd, sil has an 18mo dd, both are flower girls along with my two nieces.

Mil has just called, to say Sil is badgering her to ask me when we are going dress shopping. I assume she means for the Children and explain I am buying them on the internet.

Then mil exclaimed that as we had originally asked sil, we were duty bound to honour it. It wasn't her fault that fil died, she'd lost out on being bridesmaid because if it, and would be devastated to be uninvited.

My issues are:

1. I can't have sil without reinstating my dsis,

1. 4 is too many already (but couldn't not have any of them)

1. Cost. 4 flower girl dresses will probably be at least £100, plus shoes, hair gumf and flowers etc

Aibu to think her bridesmaid ship has sailed and stick to my plans?

(Sil is 26 and has been bridesmaid at least twice already btw)

[carabos]

It's not a wedding - you are already married. Therefore there are no "bridesmaids". You are having small attendants. And she's 26, not 6. She needs a grip, not a new dress.

[Heels99]

Why do people need to renew their vows? Have the original ones not lasted or something? Bizarre.

[CatThiefKeith]

Heels, did you read my opening post? It explains there that we cancelled our 'big' wedding, and had a hasty registry office as we hoped fil had a little longer and dh desperately wanted his Df to be at his wedding. It also explains that Dsis was a witness, not Matron of honour as was originally intended if we hadn't cancelled the wedding.

It also explains that we would like some nice, happy memories rather than saying our vows with tears pouring down our faces in voices strangled by sobs. Thats why we are renewing our vows.

Can I safely assume nobody died on the morning of your wedding by your complete lack of empathy on the subject?

[Patrickstarisabadbellend]

Op. Tell sil to go fuck herself. This is your and your dh's day. If it was me I would uninvited them and if mil piped up she would be told too.

Stick to your guns.

[longjane]

Cat on the day her father died you refused to cancel you wedding and took her brother and mother away from her at time when they should have just all been together.

And now you having a new wedding day which she has paid a grand to attend and you don't want her to be bridesmaid .

You are being very very selfish AGAIN!

[Topaz25]

Yeah, that'll go well...

[Topaz25]

Sorry that was a reply to Patrickstarisabadbellend

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Don't fall for her sad face and stick to your plan.

It's your [and your dh's] decision.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

longjane bit harsh there.

[mercifulgibbon]

This thread seems to be shifting gear and descending into the usual petty attacks on the OP.

I'd hide it now, Keith.

[Bogeyface]

Longjane that was an utterly vile thing to post.

Presumably you think that the DH had no say, that the MIL and SIL were dragged along against their will?

Not that, oh I dunno, perhaps they were all shell shocked and rather than deal with the hassle of cancelling on the day they just turned up, did the necessary and left again?

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

longjane Posted too soon, were you there?

What a nasty snidey comment to post, are you usually such a cow?

[CatThiefKeith]

Longjane, I can assure you I did not refuse to cancel the wedding, I suggested it as soon as fil became ill the previous afternoon, however dh, mil, and fil all insisted it should go ahead.

Dh promised his father an hour before he died that we wouldn't cancel, thats the only reason we went ahead.

Can I also just point out that the registry office wedding was organised in a fortnight, in order (we hoped) that fil would see his son get married, at dh's request.

We were at the registry office for less than an hour. No photo's, celebrations or anything like that, we weren't going "look at us everyone we've just got married" we were both devastated ffs.

[springlamb]

Nowhere does it say that Cat refused to cancel the wedding. Bullshit.

Cat, I think you should express your surprise about all this direct to your SIL, tell her that only the little ones are following you down the aisle, but that you had intended to discuss with her a little special speech and toast afterwards in remembrance of her father that you were hoping she would take responsibility for.

[springlamb]

I mean it's bullshit to suggest she did refuse.

[baw70]

Nasty, nasty words longjane

[CatThiefKeith]

Springlamb, I think dh wanted to do something similar - I will suggest to him that they work on it together.

Just had a brainwave - we will need two witnesses. Maybe if we ask Sil and dsis that will pacify her

[CharmQuark]

As a grown adult she had a fairy tale themed wedding?

Dear lord.

Get her a Disney dressing up outfit and tell her she can be the confetti fairy .

She is ridiculous.

Tell her time moved on, her dd is now the new generation as since you are not a bride you are not having bridesmaids. And get your DH to point out that you were not a bridesmaid at her wedding and that she stuck to her guns about your little cousin.

Sounds like she likes being centre of attention.

[CalamityKate1]

"Let her be bridesmaid" - sorry, I'm laughing at all these replies! We're talking about a married woman well into her twenties! You'd think this was about a toddler!

OP just tell her. Things have changed. She won't be being a bridesmaid. I'm sure she'll live

[CatThiefKeith]

CharmQuark, I wish I could tell you about the dance she wanted everyone to do as she walked back down the aisle after the ceremony, but it would completely out me to anyone who was there.

[diddl]

Oh that's a lovely idea, Cat

[CatThiefKeith]

And I got a copy of her wedding dvd for Christmas that year....

She is normally very lovely, but weddings seem to bring out the worst in her!

[CatThiefKeith]

I have emailed Dh, and asked him to ring her and explain that we are only having little bridesmaids, are sorry we have hurt her feelings and would be honoured if she would be a witness instead.

Hopefully this will be the end of it.

[diddl]

Do you need witnesses when you renew?

[longjane]

Well cat I hope for your sake you not asked to anything on the day on of your parents died .
You should have cancel the wedding your self . You should have been thinking of dh and his family.

I sure you DH would have liked you to cancel it for him . You obversely both regret doing or you would not be doing this again. And costing everyone 1000s . You could done this in the uk for nothing at anytime but no it all you you and how it will look and costing money .