To be sad that, in my lifetime, I will never experience natural childbirth?

[Greyhound]

I am about to turn 45. I am not going to have another baby. My beautiful "miracle" son (born after four miscarriages, three emergency surgeries including an emergency section under a general anaesthetic) is nearly 12 and I am thankful, every day, that he is here.

However, I watch programmes like OBEM and, horrific though some of the natural births seem in terms of pain and trauma, and it hits me - it will never happen and I will never know what it's like to push a baby out and give birth.

My dh didn't want a second child. It caused (and, sometimes, still does) resentment in me.

It's too late now and it has really hit me very hard that I have missed out on an experience I, naively, expected to have.

I can understand why you would feel sad about the fact that you won't have another child but it seems weird and a bit self indulgent to be sad about that fact that you won't experience natural childbirth. It surely is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things...

Natural birth isn't all it cracked up to me saying no to a section was the biggest mistake of my life, giving birth was the worst thing that's ever happened to me I would never do it again if you gave me a billion pounds... Be happy with what you have and don't worry about a 'natural birth' most of the time its not as great as they make it out to be!

Childbirth is an incredibly emotional and personal thing, it's not just a mechanical process with the baby as the outcome.

I know I still feel a little sad at times, and it's not because I have an idealised version of what vaginal birth is like - technically I've done it (although I didn't feel a thing), and I'm only too aware of all the possible painful complications, in fact I tore so badly that I may well need a C-section next time (fingers crossed there's a next time).

Yet I still want to experience it. It's just not rational :-/

I gave birth by c/section. Hopefully if next time comes. I'll be requsting another c/section. X

I've had two sections, first was an emergency (I had planned a home water birth- haha). With number one my waters went and they were green so went to hospital where everything kicked off and the whole thing was awful, the staff were vile I was a mess etc BUT my daughter is alive and un harmed (which is all everyone told me I should care about) but the experience ruined everything about being a mum until I had my Son also via a semi planned section (different hospital- Chichester staff you are amazing and honestly changed my life)! I understand your feelings about a natural birth but regardless of the method of delivery a good birth is a good birth and bad birth is a bad birth. I too think your issue is more to do with not having a second child- there is no way of knowing that a second birth would have gone how you dreamed.

Yanbu, I feel the same. One dd from a cs and dh doesn't want any more.

Of course there will always be people worse off than you but it doesn't mean things like this don't hurt.

My first birth resulted in an emergency section at 31+5 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. I was absolutely gutted that I didn't have the natural birth that I wanted. It took me nearly 9 years to get over this and have another child. This time I went full term plus 9 days but still resulted in an emergency section as baby was back to back and just wouldn't come out. I've got 2 beautiful children and now I don't have the same feelings as I had the first time around.

Yanbu to feel as you feel. However, you have experienced having a child of your own which is more important than how he was born.

I imagine it must be a very strange feeling seeing your baby if you've had a GA. I found it very surreal seeing my baby once he was lifted out of me during my CS - it could have been anyone's baby. One minute I was just lying there and the next minute someone was holding up a gunky bundle and saying to me 'here's your baby'.

I was warned by that women who have CS can sometimes find it that little bit harder to bond with the baby because there isn't that connection when compared to a VB where a woman does all the pushing and then the baby appears so she know it's hers.

It felt very odd when DS arrived - I wouldn't say I didn't bond exactly, but it took me a while to accept he was the baby that had been inside me.

Oh my goodness, so many sad and moving stories on here - I feel my original feelings of loss at having a "natural" birth have been put into perspective.

The experiences of those of you who endured traumatic vaginal births are shocking beyond words.

For those of you who had a baby die during pregnancy or during / soon after birth - how sad. I cannot imagine any sadness could be deeper.

I will post again tomorrow, when I can respond more fully to the posts on this thread.

For me, I felt that I had not experienced an event that I thought I would experience. I just wanted to know what it would be like to go into labour and push out a baby.

I understand that some people on this

Damn - didn't mean to post so soon.

I meant to say that, lucky though I am to have a healthy baby (believe me, after four miscarriages I know I am lucky) and understanding that some of you have had traumatic births, I just wanted to experience a normal birth.

Yanbu. I have a beautuful adopted son, who thankfully came to us after years of fertility treatment. But I still cant watch anything to do with women giving birth on tv - it brings me to tears every time.

My baby was stuck the wrong way round and after 2.5 hours of pushing with no pain relief (although i requested it) i was told that 'i was doing it wrong' - then imagine the baby's heart-rate diving and doctors racing into the room, an episiotomy/vontouse without pain relief,(my GP described it as barbaric) midwives in emergency mode, baby thrown (and i mean thrown) to the paediatrician straight away, the consultant complaining that i should of been in theatre - i was to petrified to move after, let alone BF and to be honest it's hugely off putting me having number 2 - Im a bit scared.

There are no badges for natural childbirth - and the painfree easy ones you see on OBEM, they happen to 'other people'.

atb

Truth? Sex with first husband never the same again after vaginal births of our DCs and that was instrumental in our divorce (he had a small cock and went off with an OW who'd had a caesarian).

natural birth can be an amazing experience
it is unlike anything else i can describe
utterly primal
i am very very glad i was lucky enough to experience it with a home birth
that doesnt mean every vaginal birth will be like that
some very sad experiences on here

For me, the magic really is actually growing a little baby. I used to love all those kicks and feeling special. Such an exciting time.

Ive had 3 labours which were all natural with minimal pain relief. It hurt more that I could ever have imagined or could ever explain. But it was a means to an end. Its purely to get that little baby out.

Im a midwife and natural births can be lovely and magical, but mostly they are basic, even animalistic and often very scary to the mum.

Yanbu about wishing you experienced it. Youve got through a huge amount to get your son though. You are obviously a hard nut and would have done well in labour

Your post makes me angry. You will give birth to a child.

I was warned by that women who have CS can sometimes find it that little bit harder to bond with the baby because there isn't that connection when compared to a VB where a woman does all the pushing and then the baby appears so she know it's hers*

What utter bollocks. The child was growing inside her for 9 months. I had an elective cesarean. They took me in the night before, I had a room to myself and didn't sleep a wink because of the excitement at knowing at 10.30 a.m I would have my baby. It was like all my birthdays and Christmases rolled in to one.

Sorry bold fail. That ridiculous and scare mongering first paragraph was supposed to be in bold as a quote.

OP, I used to feel like you did, after dd1 I wasn't sure if I was going to have another, so the emergency section (GA) was a let down.

But the way I viewed it, was that I had given life, if not in the traditional sense, 'given birth'

Now I have had dd2 (section again) my views about giving birth have changed. Of course I gave birth! How else did my babies get here? I didn't throw them up!

Honestly, 'giving birth' is what it is. A baby coming out from inside you, it doesn't matter how that happened, what matters is how you spend the rest of your life with that child.

Giving life is a wonderful thing. Don't let that be overshadowed by how your child made their entrance. My girls often see my scar & call it 'their door to the world' and I often think that I am grateful for how dd1 got here, as it literally saved her life.

I was warned by that women who have CS can sometimes find it that little bit harder to bond with the baby because there isn't that connection when compared to a VB where a woman does all the pushing and then the baby appears so she know it's hers

This is nothing but scaremongering & probably utterly false! As soon as they woke me form the GA (with dd1) and told me she was OK..the bond was already there. Dd2, as soon as I saw her, all covered in all sorts, the bond was there.

Wow, what a load of horrible, invalidating replies.

Perhaps read this instead, OP - wholewoman.hubgarden.com/grieving-for-birth-is-selfless-not-selfish/