aibu about this cat?

[juditz]

Before I met my dh, he had cats which have since passed away. Anyway, he always loved them because they are 'free spirits' (his words) and do what they want.
A cat has started to come into the house as it is summer and windows and doors are open. I do not encourage it to come in, but it likes to sit on my lap for about half an hour each night while I watch TV but it has not taken to sitting on his lap and gets aggressive when he is near it-tried to bite him. I innocently brought up the cat in conversation and my dh went on a rant about how we should not be encouraging the cat to come in-I don't 'encourage' it; he just comes in.
According to him, this cat is somebody else's 'possession' and it is wrong for us to encourage him - I don't even understand this as before the cat took a dislike to him he was the one who bought it cat treats (we both agreed that a small treat was OK but not feeding it as such) not me.

I'm quite upset by his rant. AIBU? I know this sounds deeply trivial but I am quite upset.

It doesn't even seem logical to me-the owners obviously let the cat roam free and it's not as if the cat is going to say, 'I've been round Judy's house'.

No matter how normal they start off, there's never been a poster like this that is up the pole.

Op, it's nobody else's fault you have a crap marriage to a wanker. Although, he's not necessarily coming off as as much of one on purely your say so now.
How about you channel your bizarre amount of single minded energy into talking to your fantasy DH. Bingo bango - resolution. All sans cat.

Or continue talking to yourself in a loop on the internet...whichever, you're a free spirit.

Never realised that others could get so possessive about a pet that they possess? That they are responsible for if some well-meaning but ignorant person causes it to become ill because they like thinking of themselves as The Chosen One? That they will worry about and miss if it eventually acts on the prolonged encouragement to settle elsewhere and fails to return home?

Someone IBU here, and it ain't the cat owner.

Sorry, I mean that isn't up the pole. Or in possession of a large box of frogs.
They never can keep it up through the first few pages.

I wouldn't like the idea of my cats going into someone else's home.

If you really don't want the cat in your home then the water pistol is your answer. A cat owner can't 'control' it's pet from 2 doors away (or whatever). If it was a dog wandering in and making itself comfy on your lap or bed you'd soon turf it out, no?

You've still not said if you actually want a cat or a pet?

You could simply put the cat back outside.

You may as well keep feeding it if you are going to keep letting it in as they please.

Tell you what; what do you think about this suggestion of mine? I am going to make an effort to find out who this cat belongs to. Once I have done that, I shall politely ask for their home/phone number and ring them each and every time the cat enters my house. Important meeting? Balls to that-get your cat out of my house. Don't see why I should risk injury or expend energy getting it out.

It is their cat, they paid for it, their possession, they can collect it.

Is that a good idea?

Brilliant idea.

Please report back

The only wind-up here is that cat owners think other people are responsible for where their cat (s) hang out.

Yes do, do exactly that because that's perfectly normal and usual.

Er usual to ring somebody at work to ask them to get their cat out of my house? You're having a laugh.

I do expect that if my cat is going into a home that isn't theirs, they will get turfed out, yes.

And yes I do think that if I pay the vet bills, the neutering, the microchipping, the food, the toys, the bed etc. the fucking cat is mine!!!!!

Aaaaggghhh!!!!

Round here cats have asbo's and are put on tag. The local councillors campaigned for it for months. We're only 4 weeks in you don't see any cats out after 9pm.

tametortie well keep the cat on a leash so it doesn't disturb other people, then. Is it unreasonable to ask people to keep their possessions under control if they view that cat as a possession?

Back to the original question concerning your husband - it is possible to like cats in principle, but not like a particular cat. I would say that I like people, in general - they are interesting bundles of emotions, actions, experiences and fascinating mental processes which never cease to amaze me. But if someone came to my door and punched me in the face, I think I could safely not like that person for the rest of my life without it changing my view that, in general, I like people, even if it was as a result of being a 'person' that I didn't like a particular example of the species.

So YABU for this reason - your husband is allowed to like cats in general, admire their free spiritedness and still be pissed off that this one seems to love you but act aggressively towards him and not want it in the house.

Fair comment. DoJo.

Just a bit irritated by people telling me that something they view as a possession is my responsibility to get rid of when it enters my home.

See a cat as a possession, fine, but this means you are responsible for what it does all the time. You don't leave it up to somebody else to decide how to react when it enters their home. Keep it as an indoor cat or something. It's not up to other people to know your 'rules'.

There used to be a cat on our street years ago who was literally {as in, actually, in reality} fed by every house in the street. He was as wide as a coffee table. At 5pm on the dot it would vanish and go schmoozing around the local pizza place scrounging from the soft touch workers/owners/drunks. I knew another who visited four sheltered bungalows one after the other for treats of cream and minced salmon. Cats scrounge.

In fact, the vet's practice we used to go to had a resident cat who roamed and who knew the delivery vans. If it saw Asda/Tesco/Sainsbury/Ocado {naice vet} deliver it would be there in five minutes. The tag around it's neck said 'I am fat, do not feed me'.

To keep the cat out, it may be okay just spraying around some of the orange oil cleaners you can get, as cats notoriously don't like citrus. On the other hand, evil cat used to lick up olbas oil just to be awkward so all bets are off.

Alternatively, see it for what it is: a cat whose loyalty lies with nobody in particular and let it wander where it wishes.

That's a nice way of letting people know not to feed it, LisaMed.

It was a lovely vet's practice and an enormous thug of a cat. It used to sit on reception and intimidate Alsatians. It broke into their store room and ripped a hole in the bottom of a sack of kitten food so it could stuff itself with the high energy/protein stuff. It was a legend.

Henry, allegedly at the house a few doors down but often at the pizza place was another one that lived to eat. A new corner shop opened nearby and within four days had his own saucer of biscuits and dish of milk. Mind you, his owner hated it, and the feeling was mutual.

Probably a neutered tom, by the sounds of it. They tend to live to eat.