aibu about this cat?

[juditz]

Before I met my dh, he had cats which have since passed away. Anyway, he always loved them because they are 'free spirits' (his words) and do what they want.
A cat has started to come into the house as it is summer and windows and doors are open. I do not encourage it to come in, but it likes to sit on my lap for about half an hour each night while I watch TV but it has not taken to sitting on his lap and gets aggressive when he is near it-tried to bite him. I innocently brought up the cat in conversation and my dh went on a rant about how we should not be encouraging the cat to come in-I don't 'encourage' it; he just comes in.
According to him, this cat is somebody else's 'possession' and it is wrong for us to encourage him - I don't even understand this as before the cat took a dislike to him he was the one who bought it cat treats (we both agreed that a small treat was OK but not feeding it as such) not me.

I'm quite upset by his rant. AIBU? I know this sounds deeply trivial but I am quite upset.

It doesn't even seem logical to me-the owners obviously let the cat roam free and it's not as if the cat is going to say, 'I've been round Judy's house'.

Not quite sure how some of you have jumped from an Op about feeding a random cat to potential relationship issues. Am I missing something in the OP?

FFF x

FunkyFlanFlinger, please refer to the post I made immediately before you commented which clearly states that my dh was all for the cat coming in -he even bought it treats and I had no say in that- before it was apparent that the cat liked me more.

How can you not see that feeding it cat treats and giving it attention and a place of comfort as you sit and watch telly IS encouraging it to come in. Seems to me like you both struggle to see your own contradictions

I think your DH was very wrong to buy treats for someone else's cat in the first place.

Having done that he is being more of an arsehole to now say you must stop encouraging the cat because it is someone else's 'possession'.

I would be sympathetic to him if he'd said "I think we should stop encouraging the cat because he's being agressive towards me"

No offence but if people want to be all control freakery about their pets they really should get a dog and not a cat.

But that is a separate issue.

Or even better if he'd had a moment of clarity and said "I think we should stop encouraging and feeding the cat because it's not ours'

FWIW we have a neighbour's cat 'visit' us whenever the windows or doors are open enough. We never, ever feed her or pet her and chase her out mostly but she still comes back without any encouragement at all.

Juditz, I was obviously typing my response but I still stand by my original posts.

He may have bought treats but then realised, quite rightly, that you should not be encouraging it to come into the house.

I think the cat is a Freelance Feline Agent for Relate, he receives love, fuss and Dreamies in return for ending crap relationships. LTB.

FFF x

Why is not wanting someone to encourage your pet to live with them control freakery?

Your DH has could have had a change of heart simply because he realised the errors of his ways and does not want to take someones much loved pet off them.

No, FFF, he didn't have a realisation that we should not be encouraging it at all. He just doesn't like the fact that this cat likes me more than him; he doesn't 'do' flashes of realisation where he admits he has made a mistake.

Maybe I should LTB-jealous of an effing cat FFS .

Sorry I missed a bit. I meant to say...

Or even better if he'd had a moment of clarity and said " I think what we have been doing is wrong and that we should stop encouraging and feeding the cat because it's not ours'

Please don't feed the cat treats. My cat is on a prescription diet and feeding other types of food makes her ill. I can control what treats she eats here but not if she is being fed elsewhere with her dietary requirements of being taken into effect. I would be really annoyed if I found out she was being fed elsewhere. Luckily she is a wuss and doesn't go near anyone she doesn't know (ie me and dh - she doesn't even like my mum much).

Anyway just had to say that and I have no idea about your and dh's issues lol. Stop the cat coming in and your problems will probably be solved. Maybe he thought what if it was my cat and feels guilty for it coming in and being fed now.

Neither of you should have been encouraging it to come to your house by giving it treats, and you shouldn't be letting it sit on your knee for half an hour every night. It's not your cat. Put it back outside and get a cat of your own if you're so keen for one.

Binkyresurrected are you saying that cats are so shallow and disloyal that if somebody strokes them on their lap for half an hour and gives them a couple of cat treats (not a bowl of whiskas) they'll go and live with them instead?

If so, then perhaps if loyalty and depth of affection is wanted, a dog would be a better choice.

Are you pissed off because no matter what his reasons he is right?

The fact that you allow it to snuggle on your lap for 30 mins indicates that you are encouraging it into your house. Why not just keep putting it outside?

Erm YEAH, so is everyone else on this thread.

I don't know why you're mentioning about people getting dogs..surely that isn't the issue here.

You are doing wrong by encouraging the cat and feeding it, stop making excuses like telling people they ought to get a dog.

You could just stop?

But it's not your cat to stroke on your lap and feed treats to!!! Sorry if I may come across all 'control freak' about my own cat who is microchipped and has a collar with my number on. My cat. Grrr.

Get your own if you want a cat to stroke and feed treats of an evening.

Btw I have a dog too. He would do the same if allowed as he is a real people dog. Shall I send him round? He has no dietary requirements so treats are fair game lol.

I own, birds, ferrets, cats, dogs and a snail, so I'm pretty well covered on the wanting loyalty front, I still wouldn't want you to encourage my cat to live with you, and neither do I want you to feed it lovely tasty treats because Its cute and lovely. You have no idea if that cat has any health conditions that you are exasperating by feeding it.

Leave the cat alone.

because of his previous cat ownership your DH thinks he is 'cat man' and super in tune with cats. since this one took a dislike to him he isn't so keen after all. It annoys him that you have somehow taken his cat powers.

Think he's in a sulk because the cat prefers you!bet if the cat preferred him he wouldn't be saying this.

It's a cat not a dog; if people want something to control which shows them loyalty and depth of emotion, they're better off getting a dog. I sometimes 'dogsit' my sister's chihuahua when they go on holiday yet there's no concerns that the little thing is now my dog at all.

Again that is a separate issue.

If a few treats and having its head patted for half an hour an evening is all it takes for a cat to leave, then you either have to accept that it is not a loyal animal or keep it locked up at all times.

A bit like a cheating husband, really.

My advice would be to stop letting the cat in, get your own cat, and consider whether you still want to be with your DH.