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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu about this cat?

234 replies

juditz · 04/07/2014 07:59

Before I met my dh, he had cats which have since passed away. Anyway, he always loved them because they are 'free spirits' (his words) and do what they want.
A cat has started to come into the house as it is summer and windows and doors are open. I do not encourage it to come in, but it likes to sit on my lap for about half an hour each night while I watch TV but it has not taken to sitting on his lap and gets aggressive when he is near it-tried to bite him. I innocently brought up the cat in conversation and my dh went on a rant about how we should not be encouraging the cat to come in-I don't 'encourage' it; he just comes in.
According to him, this cat is somebody else's 'possession' and it is wrong for us to encourage him - I don't even understand this as before the cat took a dislike to him he was the one who bought it cat treats (we both agreed that a small treat was OK but not feeding it as such) not me.

I'm quite upset by his rant. AIBU? I know this sounds deeply trivial but I am quite upset.

It doesn't even seem logical to me-the owners obviously let the cat roam free and it's not as if the cat is going to say, 'I've been round Judy's house'.

OP posts:
MeerkatTargaryen · 04/07/2014 13:52

BUT IT'S NOT YOUR CHUFFING CAT!!! Sorry for shouting but you need to realise that. Cats have right to roam but they are still very clearly legally owned.

MeerkatTargaryen · 04/07/2014 13:58

You might want thread this Op. cats

Hobby2014 · 04/07/2014 13:59

OP are you saying that any cat owners should understand that everyone will feed their cat whatever they want, when they want, or at any point someone might steal their cat, and they just have to say oh well and accept it... And they can't be annoyed with it, purely because it's not a dog? Surely there's gotta be a bit of common sense in that this is somebody else's pet. It's pretty normal to have outdoor cats roaming about, just leave it be?
I'd understand your point more if you said there was a random pet parrot/ferret/snake coming into your home, I'd be wondering how to deal with that, but a cat...

Original poster
juditz · 04/07/2014 14:01

So what if it's not my 'chuffing cat'? I am not harming it, I've conceded that I should not feed it. If their owners want something they can control completely, they should get a dog or never let their cat out.

Mind you I can imagine the conversation with the police 'my cat is getting cuddled by somebody else. Arrest them.!' Yeah like that will happen.

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 14:32

Its not about the owners wanting to control their pet it is about you encouraging the pet in to your house. It isn't yours to encourage or look after really.

If you want a cat why don't you get one?

If you honestly believe your husbands reaction is due to the cat liking you more than I don't know what to suggest, maybe he has gone off the cat as it is showing him signs of aggression? I don't think I'd like a cat like that either.

googoodolly · 04/07/2014 14:33

Nobody has said anything about the police Hmm

They've said that it's NOT YOUR CAT TO LET IN YOUR HOUSE. Pick it up and put it outside. If you want a cat to pet in the evenings and to feed treats to, get your own cat.

Stop feeding other people's pets and treating them like you're own - they're not yours!

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 04/07/2014 14:34

Buy your own chuffing cat if you're so desperate to snuggle one. Right now you're getting all of the benefits of pet ownership with none of the expense or stress that it can entail.

passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 14:35

You can control your own behaviour, you don't have to let said cat in your house to pet do you?

You can't change a cat, you can stop your behaviour though can't you?

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 04/07/2014 14:36

You also seem to enjoy the fact that the cat likes you best, bet you sit smirking at your dh while stroking somebody else's cat.

Original poster
juditz · 04/07/2014 14:37

Sorry, but if it's up to the owners to stop their cats wandering into people's houses. It's not other people's responsibility to stop cats wandering in their houses, it is the owners. Frankly, the owner of this cat is damned lucky that its wandered into the house of people who like cats.

You know some people might react by ringing the RSPCA and having the cat taken away. 'This cat has just wandered in, won't leave. Come and get it'.

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 14:39

How on earth can an owner make sure their cat doesn't enter other people's houses?

Stop blaming others when your behaviour is the one in the wrong.

Any normal person would just put the cat back outside to er ya know go do cat like things.

You are encouraging it. You know you probably shouldn't be.

You don't seem to care.

It's up to you as the homeowner to ensure another person's pet doesn't enter your home.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 04/07/2014 14:40

Or, they could open the door and shoo the cat out. Not feed it treats or stroke it.
Are you bored op?

MeerkatTargaryen · 04/07/2014 14:41

Of course it's your responsibility to stop someone else's pet that is part of their family coming into your house. Letting it sit on your lap and feeding it treats is not doing that. God help you when the owner finds out.

Binkyresurrected · 04/07/2014 14:44

YABU, you have repeatedly been told you are being unreasonable, you won't accept it. Why are you carrying on with this?

Does this daft thought process apply to any other animal that wanders into your home, or just this cat, that you appear to be using as a tool to knock your DH off his smug cat perch with.

ShouldHaveMarriedTimDowling · 04/07/2014 14:44

Juditz I think your dh is annoyed that the cat likes you more than him and that he thought cats were his thing because he thinks of himself as free spirit as them, unlike you. Now thay you are the chosen one he does not want to accept this cat. If this cat had sat on his lap....

I think you are annoyed because this incident highlights other things you are annoyed about.

Re welcoming the cat, I would have no problem with my cat visiting other family. If he likes it and they like him, why not. And I adore my cat but his life his choice.

Original poster
juditz · 04/07/2014 14:45

What's the cat going to do? Tell them? Wink.

Look if people want to get an animal they can control, they should get dog. Simple as that.

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 14:49

Are you deliberately missing the point?

You can control your behaviour so this cat isn't encouraged in to your home.

You just don't want to.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 04/07/2014 14:49

Jud you sound absolutely obsessed with your cats v dogs theory but cats belong to people, whatever your opinion. Older children are also allowed out off the lead and unaccompanied, but that doesn't mean you can just invite them into your home because they're free spirits Hmm

Original poster
juditz · 04/07/2014 14:51

Why should I control my behaviour? It is the owner's responsibility to ensure that cats do not wander into other people's houses.

The owners of this cat are lucky that we like cats; others -provided they knew the owner- would not be so pleased and saying, 'don't let your cat into my house. It has peed on the floor' Or whatever. That's the flip side of the coin.

OP posts:
Original poster
juditz · 04/07/2014 14:54

Some are acting here as if cats are well-loved creatures. They are not. Frankly, I'd be glad that he wandered into a house that liked cats and be grateful for it instead of whinging that they cuddled him

OP posts:
Binkyresurrected · 04/07/2014 14:55

How do you suggest a cat owner trains a cat not to go into other peoples houses?

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 04/07/2014 14:56

Jud you sound unhinged now, you must know nobody can control a cat but that your DH tempted it in to your home with food treats and you are welcoming it with cuddles. It isn't that you can't catch it to put it out after it slipped through the door against your will. If the RSPCA came out to get it they would return it to the rightful owner.

Is this thread a wind up?

Binkyresurrected · 04/07/2014 14:57

Mrtumbles I was wondering if it was a windup. Nobody can carry on with this level of ignorance and stupidity when an overwhelming majority is telling them they are unreasonable.

MeerkatTargaryen · 04/07/2014 14:58

Lol you are sounding a little unscrewed now. I have a dog. I have a cat. My cat was an indoor cat for the first 6 years of her life. She is 10 now. We lived in a flat on a busy road. Now we live in a lovely neighbourhood cul de sac so she can safely go out. I'm not going to deny her that. She is a pretty homely cat anyway. But i cant stop her going out in case she may wonder into other people's houses that want to stroke and feed her treats. That's ridiculous. Completely and utterly ridiculous.

If you want a cat to stroke and feed treats then get your own. If you don't want the expense and responsibility of having a cat then accept you don't have one and stop encouraging other people's into your house! Simple. As for your Dh, well he is clearly a whole other issue you have.

passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 14:58

Yes God forbid a cat gets put back outside when it tries to get in someone else's home. Hmm

Why shouldn't you control your own behaviour? You know you're encouraging said cat but placing the blame on the owners.

You sound rather odd. No wonder your husband doesn't really sound keen on the cat if it goes to bite him.

You are both in the wrong.

When a cat entered my house I didn't sit with it on my knee every night, I popped him back outside and off he went.

Simple as that.