aibu about this cat?

[juditz]

Before I met my dh, he had cats which have since passed away. Anyway, he always loved them because they are 'free spirits' (his words) and do what they want.
A cat has started to come into the house as it is summer and windows and doors are open. I do not encourage it to come in, but it likes to sit on my lap for about half an hour each night while I watch TV but it has not taken to sitting on his lap and gets aggressive when he is near it-tried to bite him. I innocently brought up the cat in conversation and my dh went on a rant about how we should not be encouraging the cat to come in-I don't 'encourage' it; he just comes in.
According to him, this cat is somebody else's 'possession' and it is wrong for us to encourage him - I don't even understand this as before the cat took a dislike to him he was the one who bought it cat treats (we both agreed that a small treat was OK but not feeding it as such) not me.

I'm quite upset by his rant. AIBU? I know this sounds deeply trivial but I am quite upset.

It doesn't even seem logical to me-the owners obviously let the cat roam free and it's not as if the cat is going to say, 'I've been round Judy's house'.

When it eventually pukes on your bed (they all do it) or shits in your slipper I'm sure you'll stop encouraging it then.

Nice wind up though, cats are always a good topic on here.

I'm not listening to any cat instructions. As far as I am concerned, if you can't give a cat free rein to get cuddles off other people, you completely fail to understand cats.

juditz - I suggest you hide this thread and have a think and post on relationships about stuff between you and your husband that bothers you and does not include cats

Forget about understanding cats, Juditz.

Concentrate on your marriage.

Yeah, you're right. Just got a bit narked about people blaming me for not controlling their cats. I will stop now.

I'd say you weren't listening to anything on this thread at all OP!
I'm backing your DH who, at least, is not for encouraging the cat.

And yes, I do understand cats. It's humans like you that have me wondering....

You sound like you want a free cat. I don't mean free in the unfettered by social conventions sense. The sort of cat that wear berets at a jaunty angle and smokes Gitanes whist attending poetry slams.

You are just too tight to sort yourself out a cat.

Nobody wants you to control cats. They want you to realise that you could modify your own behaviour then you wouldn't have this problem.

It's not rocket science.

No wonder your dh is no longer keen if the cat is trying to nip him. Though he is also wrong for encouraging the cat.

If you want a pet, get one.

Devere I so want that cat.

Off to google cat berets.

I'm not even a cat person!

Yet you let it in and sit and stroke it for half an hour.

Not sure I want to be with a man who is jealous of small bundle of black fur that sits on my lap for about 30 minutes a night, though, in fact, I think he is a bit of a w*, funny how the seemingly small things make you realise something about somebody.
Bingo. There we have it. It's nothing to do with the cat at all, is it? Leave him then if you're looking for an excuse to.
YOU'RE encouraging it in by stroking it. It's not your cat, leave it alone.

Solution:

You and your DH go your separate ways and you each adopt your a cat of your very own.

His will love him the most because he'll be in charge of all the feeds and cuddles (cats are shallow creatures) and thus he'll be able to slip back into those happy carefree days of cat ownership that he remembers so fondly.

Yours will love you the most (for the same fickle reasons) and you can finally live out your subconscious fantasy of owning a cat, without all the guilt and berating that comes with the illicit cat love ins you are having now.

Yes you'll be single, but maybe with time you'll meet another like minded soul (and bond over your desire to start a training school for cat owners who wish to learn how to control their cats) fall in love and live happily every after.

Aargh, this is so annoying. In order to keep this cat out, I have to boil in summer as it comes in through open windows and doors.

I find it asleep on my bed, once again-it is the responsibility of the owner to ensure it does not bother other people-not only in a negative way but in a positive way. By this I mean, if I dislike cats-which I do not but if I did- you damned well make sure it doesn't enter my house as well as stopping it getting cuddled if I like it. Why anybody would demand fidelity from a cat is mind-boggling but there you go.

What on earth is wrong with some people. I get the feeding bit, I really do and have been put right about that. But a cuddle between a non-owner and a willing cat who wishes to be cuddled? Getting all narky about that?! That's just ridiculous.

Yay OP, at last I agree with you. It IS annoying!!

Do you want a cat OP?

It doesn't really matter if the cat wants a cuddle or not.

You are encouraging the animal that's what is wrong. The odd stroke is different to actually allowing it in your house for periods of time and petting it.

If you want to pet a cat, get one?

Just shoo the bloody cat out when you see it in your house next! Cats are pretty quick learners; if you start shouting and clapping your hands together loudly it will scarper. Repeat a one or two more times if you find it reappears and soon your house will be a cat free zone!

Then go and start putting the solution I mentioned earlier into action...

Get a water pistol.

You won't see that kitty for dust.
It doesn't like you.
Its just cba to walk home.

Yeah, I appreciate the humour ('illicit cat love-ins lol) in your post awsomer but the way some people are reacting here it is as if their cat has cheated on them by sneaking into somebody else's house for a half hour cuddle.

Yeah I get the not feeding bit and have been put right on that one but, really, it's as if the cat has committed adultery or something and I am the scarlet woman.

'It doesn't like you'. Wow that is so, forgive me, catty.

You find it asleep on your bed: you pick it up and put it outside. Or shoo it outside. Or keep your fecking bedroom door shut in the first place.

It doesn't matter that the cat "wishes to be cuddled". Left to her own devices, my cat would like to eat food that makes her ill and tease the dog by pinching his bed as soon as he leaves it (he's too scared of her to make her get out himself). I stop her doing those things because they're bad for her in the first instance and unpleasant for him in the second.

If you stopped encouraging the cat, you'd find that over time it would be more inclined to get its cuddles from its owner (the person who pays for its food and vets bills), because there would be no incentive for it to come to you. So you'd be doing both the owner and the cat a favour, as the cat would spend more time at home and run fewer risks of being run over on its way to you. It is annoying to have to remove something from your house that you don't want in there in the first place, but a little short-term pain for long-term gain should see everyone happy.

Well it doesn't does it?

its not a person. It doesn't like you. It likes to lie on a soft bed and get stroked. It doesn't care who does it or whose bed its on.

I thought you understood cats.

I thought it was your husband who wanted to be the cat magnet. You seem put out at the suggestion that you aren't.

Why the heck should I keep my bedroom door shut? Just to keep an animal that ^somebody else can't control' out? Sorry but you can keep that suggestion.

This is ridiculous; I never realised cat owners could:

a, be so selfish-I mean if I had a cat, I wouldn't mind it getting cuddled by somebody else as long as they didn't feed it.

b, Could react as if there were such a thing as cat infidelity.

The mind boggles.

Ha ha very funny OP.
Well done, great little wind up thread.

From my POV, it's others that are doing the winding up, Deverethemuzzler, never realised that others could get so possessive about a bleedin' cat like it was a spouse or something.

Oh wait.
You are serious.