Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu about this cat?

234 replies

juditz · 04/07/2014 07:59

Before I met my dh, he had cats which have since passed away. Anyway, he always loved them because they are 'free spirits' (his words) and do what they want.
A cat has started to come into the house as it is summer and windows and doors are open. I do not encourage it to come in, but it likes to sit on my lap for about half an hour each night while I watch TV but it has not taken to sitting on his lap and gets aggressive when he is near it-tried to bite him. I innocently brought up the cat in conversation and my dh went on a rant about how we should not be encouraging the cat to come in-I don't 'encourage' it; he just comes in.
According to him, this cat is somebody else's 'possession' and it is wrong for us to encourage him - I don't even understand this as before the cat took a dislike to him he was the one who bought it cat treats (we both agreed that a small treat was OK but not feeding it as such) not me.

I'm quite upset by his rant. AIBU? I know this sounds deeply trivial but I am quite upset.

It doesn't even seem logical to me-the owners obviously let the cat roam free and it's not as if the cat is going to say, 'I've been round Judy's house'.

OP posts:
Binkyresurrected · 04/07/2014 15:18

Well then you're a bit of a bitch then aren't you!

passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 15:19

If you want to pet a cat why not get your own?

passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 15:20

Nope I get cats, I don't get your behaviour. Entirely different things.

MaryBennett · 04/07/2014 15:21

I still think you have more than a cat to worry about as earlier post suggested.

tametortie · 04/07/2014 15:33

Juditz,

I just want to tell you a bit about my scenario.

I have cats because I work. I can't have a dog because I work. My cats want to be outside, they enjoy it and it does them good. I have no control over where they go. That does not mean I don't love them- I feed them, insure them, pay vets bills etc. and yes- they are mine.

My British blue has a gluten free diet. He would love to come into your house for cuddles and treats and that's fine BUT unless you know about my cat, I would rather you didn't give him treats. And quite frankly, as I pay all the vets bills, insurance etc. I wouldn't be best pleased with you encouraging him into your home.

You sound a little bit silly talking about possession. I think if you aren't stumping up for that cats basic needs (cuddles and treats are not needs) then he isn't yours- get your own!

storytopper · 04/07/2014 15:33

To be honest, you sound like one of those couples on the "My Cat From Hell" TV programme where one partner is getting a big blast out of a cat liking them and not liking their partner. Try putting your DHs feelings first.

I have owned cats for over 40 years. I have occasionally had other people's cats try to enter my home and my cats have occasionally tried to enter neighbours' homes. I have discouraged it both ways - saying "shthhhhh....out you go!" in a loud voice usually works.

I don't believe in cat shares - it only ends in confused cats and confused owners wondering who is responsible for feeding, vet care, holiday care, etc.

If you want a cat, get one. Stop encouraging someone else's pet, especially if you know it doesn't get along with your DH.

tametortie · 04/07/2014 15:35

And I do understand cats- they are fickle and will visit other homes. That's fine. Giving a cat treats and encouraging it isn't fine.

HaroldLloyd · 04/07/2014 15:36

My friends cat got cat napped, and the cheeky thief knocked her door one night and handed it back as it was ill and needed vets treatment. Shocking! She hadn't seen it for weeks.

She told her the cat liked to visit her as she gave it nice food.

Tiptops · 04/07/2014 15:38

YANBU to be annoyed at your DH. His change in attitude is clearly selfishly motivated, and childish in the extreme.

YABU to encourage and allow someone else's pet into your home. If the cat wanders in you should immediately return it outside.

Legionofboom · 04/07/2014 15:38

If you know it belongs to me then I would like you to come and get me to collect or if you don't know me then I would like you to phone the relevant organisations to come and collect it so they can then return it to me

Seriously?

My neighbour's cat wanders into our house most days if I leave the doors or windows open. I don't make her welcome. I sometimes clap my hands and she scarpers back out, other times if I on the phone or busy I might not even notice. I have never, ever fed her or even touched her but she is curious so she comes back again and again.

I'm certainly not going to be making phone calls to get her collected every time she decides to visit. If my neighbour doesn't want her coming in to my house then it's up to her to stop it.

Original poster
juditz · 04/07/2014 15:40

Look, I've conceded that I will not feed this cat again. Ever.

However, it really bemuses me that people get semi-feral creatures like cats and then complain that their actions and other human beings interactions with them cannot be controlled by them (the owners). Of course, physical abuse is different.

I think most people would shoo the cat out, not because they like it or care about the owner (s) feelings but because they are seen as pests by many.
In fact, provided they knew the owner it would be like, 'Keep your cat out of my house!!'.

Frankly, if somebody wants to cuddle a person's cat for a short while and the cat wants it too, I don't see the problem.

OP posts:
Legionofboom · 04/07/2014 15:44

Frankly, if somebody wants to cuddle a person's cat for a short while and the cat wants it too, I don't see the problem.

I would agree and I think far, far more cats probably do this than some cat owner's realise.

Legionofboom · 04/07/2014 15:45

What's with the ' key? today aaaahhh cat owners

Binkyresurrected · 04/07/2014 15:45

Maybe I should have added if you can't get it out fetch me or phone someone.

HaroldLloyd · 04/07/2014 15:48

Nothing wrong with a quick cuddle but don't cat nap it and don't feed it.

Legionofboom · 04/07/2014 15:51

For me there is a big difference between a cat sauntering in of its own accord and jumping into your lap for a cuddle then taking off 10 minutes later as opposed to someone standing by their door shaking a box of cat treats trying to entice someone else's pet into their home.

Original poster
juditz · 04/07/2014 15:54

You see this is the problem I have: it is summer, I've a right to open the door and windows, sometimes I find it asleep on my bed. Goodness knows how long it has been there. Why should I be responsible for keeping 'cat watch'?

Have a cat, fine, but at least accept that you can't control its actions and that other people can't be expected to, either. No offence but it is just plain cheeky to expect people to ring you because your cat is in their house (!)

Either accept that you, as an owner, are responsible for where it goes at all times or take a more laissez-faire attitude that whatever it does with other people is OK unless they harm it and, if they do feed it-which I won't be doing again- it's up to you to politely ask them not to.

That is all.

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 04/07/2014 15:56

It's not up to the owner to ask someone not to feed their cat.

It's not like tiddles is going to wander in and say beryl at number 8 gave me a sausage.

Anyone with any common sense knows you do not feed another persons pet.

It's patently obvious when a cat is a pet and well looked after.

DidoTheDodo · 04/07/2014 15:59

Agree with Harold

OP you have a very bizarre attitude to pets and ownership and cat-manners.

I am guessing you have never owned a cat? Am I right?

tametortie · 04/07/2014 16:00

I don't think you should feed another persons pet.

From my point of view, it makes my cat very ill and then I have to foot the bill!

I appreciate you are being kind and that's lovely but knowing what I know now, from having a cat with a special diet...it really is kinder not to!

passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 16:01

But it isn't about the owners nor the cat your behaviour is encouraging said cat to come in to your home and stay there whilst you pet it.

That is wrong.

You cannot control a cat, the owners can't train a cat not to try and go in people's houses. You on the other hand can discourage the cat.

You just don't want to.

So YABVVVU for that alone.

DidoTheDodo · 04/07/2014 16:02

Cat instructions:
If a cat that is not yours comes into your house, pick it up and put it outside.
Do not feed it
Do not stroke it
Do not indulge it in any way.
Repeat as often as necessary.

passmethewineplease · 04/07/2014 16:03

Out of curiosity why do you keep it in your house?

Do you want a pet? Do you want a cat?

You could easily remove the cat.

tametortie · 04/07/2014 16:03

And I promise, if you shoo a cat away often enough, it will stay away.

I tell my neighbours to give my cats a little spray with a water pistol if they are being a pain. It does not hurt them, just pisses them off. They run away, lick their wounds and don't go back for more.

LisaMed · 04/07/2014 16:08

Has anyone read 'Six Dinner Sid'?

btw it isn't really about the cat.