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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

194 replies

Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:13

Split up with the ex 3 or so months ago.
She gave birth to our daughter 3 weeks and 1 day ago.
Nobody on my side friends and family have met my daughter yet.
She at first said she wasn't up to going out but now she's fine.
I've asked can the baby come to mine next Wednesday when she will be 4 weeks old to finally meet everyone on my side.
She said no,
I asked why and she can't answer.
She has no plans. I fact she could probably do amy day next week. I just randomly picked Wednesday.
I think she being really difficult.
She has been out a lot now with the baby.
I think it's it's so sad how nobody on my side has yet to meet my little girl :o( I want to show her off to everyone but I can't.

I'm not asking her to leave me alone with the baby. She can be there too! Nobody is going to be off with her and make it awkward, everyone that comes will talk to her.

Thanks guys

OP posts:
TheHouseatWhoCorner · 03/07/2014 22:16

How many people are you planning to be there on Wednesday? It sounds like quite a crowd, which I'd find pretty intimidating.

Have you spent time with your daughter?

Morethanalittlebitconfused · 03/07/2014 22:17

She is being unreasonable but probably feeling fragile and not up for dealing with the ex's family (which is pretty selfish tbh but she's allowed as she has just given birth)

It's a shame you can't share your child with your family though

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:17

Just to add the other week we took the baby to be registered last week and we was a 10 minute walk from my house and we could of taken the baby there to meet everyone and she said no, the baby's not ready to be out and about yet but there she was in the centre of town 1outband about :(

OP posts:
Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:18

I think meeting everybody on your side all at once sounds like a terribly intimidating prospect.

No wonder she said no. YABU.

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:19

We'll not many as it's a week day. No more than 8/10 and she knows a lot of them anyway.

It's just really upsetting and frustrating.

I am being allowed to see her yes and did feel she was being awkward with access however I though it was getting a lot better and now this.

OP posts:
Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:21

Why not keep it to just 2/3 then and work up to larger gatherings?

There's no point in playing power games and alienating your ex.

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:21

Have sought legal advice however can't afford it yet as I may be losing my hob soon due to redundancy.

Just another example. The exs mum took the baby on 2 long walk.s I found out and asked may I take the baby out for just half an hour on a walk. She said no. Reason - I'm not ready to have her on my own yet. It's a half hour walk where she won't need changing or feeding

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 03/07/2014 22:22

Have you spent any time with your daughter yet yourself? Have you been able to spend a bit of time talking with your daughter's mother yet?

Giving birth is EXTREMELY painful and very tiring, it takes a while to get strong again, and meanwhile the baby will be waking up every few hours and sleep deprivation makes things even worse. Please don't expect your ex to be anything other than stroppy - to put it mildly! - for a couple of months more yet.

If there are unresolved issues about things like financial support for your daughter and access, your ex is likely to feel fairly negative.

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 03/07/2014 22:22

I think that's too many.

They'll all want to hold the baby. Photos, lots of questions about the birth, how does baby sleep etc.

Can't you ask her to call round with the baby for 1 hr max to meet your parents first of all?

AlpacaLypse · 03/07/2014 22:23

loads of x-posts - this was an Unanswered Message when I found it!

NorksEnormous · 03/07/2014 22:23

Cowapjn have u already posted about this? I remember a similar thread a week or so ago?

YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:23

Why did you split up?

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:24

I've seen the baby but not on my own. There has always been someone there like the ex's parents or sister which makes me feel I can't relax and enjoy my time with her plus as you can imagine they arnt very welcoming. I can understand she may not want me to be alone with the baby yet but I just want all my friends and family to meet my daughter finally.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:25

I can try asking her to call round for an hour whilst 2/3 people call then another hour another day yes but I'm 90% sure what the answer will be.

Yes I did post something regarding my situation but now feel it has gone on too long.

OP posts:
Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:26

Also I am providing financially and fully cooperating with her.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 03/07/2014 22:27

It seems as though she is being controlling. If she can bear to be around her family then surely your parents should be no problem.
Get legal advice, she can't say no just because she thinks she can.

YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:28

You will have the whole of the rest of your child's life to get to know her and show her off. Hmm

She's a baby, not some kind of accessory you can pass around. I think this is why your ex is reluctant.

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:28

Hi Loletta. We actually are on good terms at the moment and getting on really we'll there's even talk of us getting back together and I was due to spend loads of time with the baby next weeks I I thought I'd ask about my friends/family meeting the baby.m

OP posts:
Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:29

A solicitor quoted £300 for an hours appointment and to send her a letter :(

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 03/07/2014 22:29

Cowapjn first of all it's lovely that you want to build a relationship with your daughter. I don't think anyone's said this on this thread yet, they've just assumed - but so many fathers in failed relationships abandon the children, and it's great that you haven't.

There's a bit of a MN saying about Baby Steps; i.e. taking things very very slowly. So the suggestions about introducing your parents, just your parents - none of your brothers and sisters and friends - one day very soon is very wise.

Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 03/07/2014 22:30

I think it'd be a bad idea to start talking about getting legal advice at the moment.
The baby is only 3 weeks old.

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