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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

194 replies

Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:13

Split up with the ex 3 or so months ago.
She gave birth to our daughter 3 weeks and 1 day ago.
Nobody on my side friends and family have met my daughter yet.
She at first said she wasn't up to going out but now she's fine.
I've asked can the baby come to mine next Wednesday when she will be 4 weeks old to finally meet everyone on my side.
She said no,
I asked why and she can't answer.
She has no plans. I fact she could probably do amy day next week. I just randomly picked Wednesday.
I think she being really difficult.
She has been out a lot now with the baby.
I think it's it's so sad how nobody on my side has yet to meet my little girl :o( I want to show her off to everyone but I can't.

I'm not asking her to leave me alone with the baby. She can be there too! Nobody is going to be off with her and make it awkward, everyone that comes will talk to her.

Thanks guys

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 03/07/2014 22:31

xposted AGAIN

YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:31

I'll ask again.

Why did you split up? I think it's important to set the scene, so to speak.

Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:35

I know she kinda resents my parents because they haven't really shown any interest in the baby and don't ask after her and buy her clothes all the time etc (have bought her a rocker which was expensive and and expensive pram bag) she feels my parents arnt interested and it does bother me too because her parents have been fab with the baby. It comes across as though mine arnt interested but they are, they just don't want to bond with the baby then be told they cant see her.

As I've said me and the ex were getting on amazingly we'll and we were discussing getting back together hence why I thought I'd ask about friends/family finally meeting her on Wednesday.

Fair enough she may feel awkward with my mum and dad but I know for a fact that they would talk to her and be ok with her. But it's all my aunties uncle neighbours etc and they haven't done anything wrong.

OP posts:
Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Backtobedlam · 03/07/2014 22:38

It's unfair not to let you spend time with your own daughter, but I can also see that taking the baby to meet 8-10 people could be very overwhelming. I would definitely ask if just your parents could meet their grandchild-either at hers or yours, and then slowly introduce others as the weeks go by?

Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:40

Alpacalypse - sorry I don't understand what you mean.

Youthecat - it's a long story which I'm not prepared to get into sorry. I was up at 5am for work and worked a 12 hour shift and now it's 22:38 and I'm ready for bed in a minute. It wasn't anything major like cheating hence why I said we were talking about a reunion.

Loletta - I visited a solicitor and was informed of their prices as she was being extremely difficult and we weren't getting on then however this week things have looked on the up,

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 03/07/2014 22:41

It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you (or your family) without her protective friends or family around. Do you have any idea why that is?

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 03/07/2014 22:41

Did she get on with your parents (not to mention aunties, uncles, neighbors etc) before the split?

goats · 03/07/2014 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nannyplumismymum · 03/07/2014 22:44

I think it's difficult to answer whilst you're not being upfront about why you split.

Your ex could have a perfectly justified reason for being anxious and reluctant about contact.

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:44

Loletta - my parents are allows to go round the ex's dad however he will be there with the ex's step mum and they make you feel extremely unwelcome. I do t expect a red carpet but they just arnt nice people. The ex's other family are fine and will talk to me etc. my parents refuse to see the baby at the ex's dads and be subjected to their ignorance and awkwardness, you can't enjoy your time there with the baby.
I could easily pick the ex and baby up and bring them to my house,

Ok we'll what I'm getting is that maybe just ask can a few people at a time come for an hour then a few days later 2/3 more people come. I'll ask but I think I already know the answer.

OP posts:
Tangerinefairy · 03/07/2014 22:45

I'm guessing she just feels overwhelmed then by the prospect of all those people. Not nice for you though when you must be feeling very proud of your new Dd and are so keen to be with her and show all your family.

TheCat, I think it is unfair to suggest op is using the baby like an accessory because he is feeling proud and wants his family to see her.....which parent doesn't feel like this?

I would suggest she just meets your parents first. I was very fragile for months after having my Dd and a huge awkward meet up would have finished me off I think. Good luck though and congratulations on your daughter.

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:48

Fairenuff - she always has back up when she a with me. When we registered the. Any I hoped she would come alone however so we could go for maybe a coffee after and talk however she brought her stepmum.

As I've explained it's a long story and I would answer if it was earlier. Alps I will say is I did t cheat or anything like that nor did I try to. Stress of pregnancy hormones, me rising to her erratic behaviour etc.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:49

Tangerine, I didn't. Yes, I wanted my family to meet my babies but not parading them about and passing them around virtual strangers lie the neighbours and large groups of people.

How were your parents with your before you split up? Were they interested in her pregnancy?

Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:50

You 'rose' to her erratic behaviour? Hmm

No wonder she's wary.

Fairenuff · 03/07/2014 22:52

Fairenuff - she always has back up when she a with me. When we registered the. Any I hoped she would come alone however so we could go for maybe a coffee after and talk however she brought her stepmum.

Yes, that is the impression I got. I was asking why she feels the need for back up. Do you know?

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:52

Youthecat - my mum and dad didn't really bother with the ex whilst she was pregnant as me and the ex fell out around Christmas time so my mum and dad distanced themselves not to get involved. The did bump into her just before she gave birth and took her on and talked to her. My mum volunteers at the hospital and was working the day the ex gave birth and nipped to see the baby for 10 mins and was fine with the ex. I have no doubt that my parents will not be fine when they see her.

OP posts:
yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 03/07/2014 22:53

It's too many people, she doesn't want to do it.
I'm married and if my husband had suggested I go to a house with 10 people all wanting to see my baby, at 3 weeks old, I would have said no as well.
They will want to hand the baby around, either ignore her or ask loads of questions, she will probably feel they are judging what she does or doesn't do, it will be horrible. I wouldn't even like it if it was 10 of my friends.
If you get back together, do baby meeting in small numbers an short times.

Loletta · 03/07/2014 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:55

She must have been 6/7 months pregnant when you split up so how were they with her before that?

Original poster
Cowapjn · 03/07/2014 22:56

Yesss just my friends and family that can't see the baby and it's upsetting!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 03/07/2014 22:57

Maybe you should be thinking about what is best for your baby rather than putting your wants first?