To be a bit irritated by these church weddings for people who have never ever been in a church? And also the SCALE of these weddings!

[mrsjavierbardem]

AIBU? Really?
I didn't get married in a church because I don't practice my religion any more and my husband isn't a believer.

I just couldn't even though I was brought up in a faith and know all about it and understand the good and bad of it and I feel I could easily have argued for a church wedding because of my history. Still, I would have felt hypocritical I think.

People say to me that these weddings are all about the photographs and the making it feel more special. Those are good reasons but still, I couldn't just do God one day of my life, I just would feel ridiculous.

Also I don't see why some of these couples don't have a more moderate day? I'm about to go to a wedding when I know the couple have barely a few beans to rub together and they are having a serious do. I guess her parents are footing a lot but also the couple must be borrowing too….
it's just such a big expense for all of us going too, the presents, the clothes, the travel, two nights accommodation. I mean it's people with few beans making a lot of people with varying amounts of beans spend hundreds of beans!
I mean I am not crazy about the bride which doesn't help!
Dont' worry I am very nice to her but it all seems a great festival of fakery and vanity!

I mean I wish them well! And I'm glad to be asked! But it's just the splurging of money and the need to make everyone else splurge money that makes me uneasy. Of course one can just say No - but not easy at a family wedding!

You are bean unreasonable

!!

I couldn't give a shit what other people do.

DH and I were talking, we got married in church, I'm atheist, he believed but not practicing, both our extended families practicing. If we did it again now it'd be more like how I'd have wanted it first time round as he's come round more to my way of thinking on that.

Completely agree, I am a staunch atheist and the thought of people getting married in a church 'just for the photos' really annoys me, it's so deceitful. Same for pretending to be religious to get your children in to CofE etc schools. Really rankles. Several of my friends have made comments along the lines of 'Oh we've got to go to church for the next few weeks' and I think it's so dishonest!

CofE weddings are for anyone, whether religious or not (it's the law) so you don't have to pretend a faith to marry there (though you do have to use the standard service options).

I agree that hosting a party you cannot afford (or can only ill-afford) is unwise, whatever the venue or occasion.

YANBU but be careful about describing people as being hypocritical when you're going to the wedding of someone you don't like very much and don't believe in the basis of their wedding anyway!

Although you could extend the claims of hypocracy to the church - why do they allow people to marry there who haven't demonstrated their faith through regular worship? kerching

I got married in a Church (25 years ago), because I was making a deeper spiritual connection etc and wasn't doing it just as a legal declaration.

There wasn't the alternative, then of different formats, the Christian/Catholic religions had the strong hold.

I'm glad that things have moved on and I will be able to have the funeral I want.

You can ignore the God bit, even a Vicar or Priest will tell you that, otherwise the Catholic schools would be empty (as would the Churches).

I don't agree that you are obligated to join in for family weddings.

I do make the effort, even for friends "evening only" invites.

My philosophy is their wedding, their choice.

I thought you had to go and speak to the vicar in advance and go through what it meant to marry in church, that's what several friends had to do?

The churches would miss the fees if people suddenly got a lot more ethical and stopped using them.

""Oh we've got to go to church for the next few weeks' and I think it's so dishonest!""

But a lot less dishonest than what I've witnessed, behaviour wise from so called Godly people, who are life long Church attenders.

Or the Priests, Vicers, Nuns etc who were abusive at least.

But, you can only guard your own intent and actions.

Of course if I felt morally outraged then I would not go!

I only said I was 'irritated'.

And also it isn't just their day, their choices mean other people have to spend a lot to make their day special. This is fine up to a point.

The groom is a close relative, I would not miss it for the world. But I know he would do a registry office and a small scale party and spend appropriately if he'd had any choice. The bride is all about appearances and I would be much happier if I thought it was what both of them wanted. But I fear as usual she is being pandered to, that is what is tiresome. A grand wedding isn't always fun for the guests, it can be like a great big shebang of cow towing to a stroppy little pwincess on her 'Special Day'.
I mean I never felt I needed to do that whole fairytale wedding thing, I just thought it was a bit ridiculous!
I like weddings where you get together, dress up, eat and celebrate the couple and it's nice and informal.

This stuff for the photos when the bride comes down the aisle looking entirely like someone else (" are we in the right church? who is that?") with make up caked on in layers you can count, with eyelashes producing a breeze in front of her and a hair do that would look fabulous if you were in drag at Madame McGinty's in Soho….. And then the FAVOURS!!!
just splurging money and the wedding product providers laughing into the distance at the foolery of it.

look, give me a break, I HAVE to go

YANBU. I'm a Catholic and see so many people marry in a Church and promise to do their best to bring their children up in the Catholic faith etc when they have absolutely no intention of doing anything of the kind. It's deeply hypocritical. Even more annoying is when these same people kick up a fuss about being asked to make a contribution to the Parish for using the Church. Obviously they think the red carpet cleans itself, the Church heats itself for free, the aisles and pews don't need to be cleaned and polished etc etc etc. Or maybe the people who go to Mass every week and contribute every Sunday to the collection, should subsidise them?

Although I agree with you I don't understand why someone would want a church wedding as a non belieber. From a practical pov their money goes a long way towards keeping churches open!

Afaik it's the law that church of England churches have to marry people, they don't get to turn people away. Agree it's dreadful. One of the reasons I left the c of e and am now baptist.

Also agree that weddings being about showing off how much money you can spend is depressing, but that's human nature. Some people are shallow and money orientated, it ain't going anywhere.

If you don't like the bride don't go. :p

have to go hedge.
love the groom.
unf the groom loves the bride…. so i have to go.

Also agree that weddings being about showing off how much money you can spend is depressing

In my experience it is the less well off that seem to feel the need to have an extravagant wedding.

BTW, getting into debt for a one day event is frankly stupid.

It seems like the whole thing is about appearing to be millionaires for a few hours. But no one is fooled. It just looks strange. It has to be peer pressure.

The church of england charges a fee for a service. (Using both meanings of the word.) People pay for that service because its what they want. The church gets money for upkeep. The organist and choir are paid. Hopefully the Bride and Groom have a lovely day.

I don't see what the issue is with non believers getting married in a church provided that they respect the values of the people owning the building. Lots of unbelievers like pretty churches and these churches need to be maintained.

Churches charge bloody enough for you to get married in them.. They defiantly don't care if your religious or not... Ours cost over £500 15 years ago & we never went to hear the bands read or 'marriage classes' .. They were happy to take my cheque though

I agree it is great for the churches themselves, they desperately need the income.

It's just the couples themselves, I couldn't do it.

Shocking, somewhere charging you to use them building and the people who allow the service to happen. How dare they!

I know a couple that were forever moaning about living in a 2 bedroom flat and they couldn't afford to buy a bigger place. They went on to have a £20k wedding. This was back in the day when £20k would be a big deposit on a house. Fools.

I agree that expecting wedding guests to pay a great deal for travel and accommodation (and clothes and presents) is a new cultural norm but not a nice one.

I think for some people it's more cultural than religious -I didn't go to many weddings as a child but the only ones I went to were in churches. Growing up that was just where you got married and although by the time I married I knew other options were out there for some reason a church seemed like the place I wanted to marry. It was the only place I'd ever pictured having a wedding ceremony and it just felt right. And our reception was in a venue that was licenced for ceremonies too so we had other options . We got married in a little church near a park I used to play in as a child. The church is very community centric and although I'm not and never have been religious it's the sort of little church I'm happy to support. They also knew and didn't mind in the slightest that I was not religious.

Might make dh and I hypocrites but we can live with that tbh!

You could say the same about people celebrating Christmas and Easter etc.